On Aging Alone (2021) • Hacker News Board

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#271

Post by seunosewa » Sat, May 21, 2022, 4:42 PM UTC

taylorius wrote: post #252

jjfoooo6 wrote: post #239

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I would like to start living life as I would like it, both career and relationship wise If you'd be comfortable sharing, why do you feel this is not something you can achieve with your partner?

Sure, I can share - and needless to say, the vast majority of the problem is on my side. My wife is indeed a great woman - very emotionally focussed though, in quite an intense way, and highly intelligent in an intuitive way. She's honest and loyal though, and good looking. A real catch, in other words. The problem that I bring, is that I don't really have a core personality (at least, not one that anyone sees - I ha…

Let her in anyway. She might not leave, but if she does, you'll know that you gave yourself a chance to be your true 'dark' self with her. Your dark self may be treatable, even.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#272

Post by bradlys » Sat, May 21, 2022, 4:49 PM UTC

denton-scratch wrote: post #251

taylorius wrote: post #133

I'll add my own data point into the mix. I'm 49, have been married for 22 years, with kids who are either grown up, or well on their way. Throughout my life though, I have been an absolute loner in spirit. I grew up quite isolated, in the UK countryside, and learned to amuse myself early on. My first love was computers, which luckily has served me fairly well, career-wise. I haven't had many girlfriends, and felt ver…

/me 65, two kids, two grandkids, two marriages, each of about 15 years. Both times the wife divorced me, rather than vv. (and no doubt that says something about me). Both times the relationship was rocky, but I would have stuck it out were it not for being sued by my supposedly-trusted life partner. I haven't had many girlfriends either, but I haven't felt that as a "lack". I've never had many friends either - usuall…

It really doesn’t say much about you that you got divorced. Women initiate ~70% of divorces and 90% for college educated women. Personally - I don’t know any college educated couples who had the man initiate. It’s really uncommon.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#273

Post by Der_Einzige » Sat, May 21, 2022, 5:00 PM UTC

nazgulnarsil wrote: post #73

Focus on what you can do for others, not what others can do for you. Activities will gradually lose their luster as you age, if you are focused on what you get from them. In Buddhist terms: cultivate mudita, sympathetic joy in the joys of others. It is nigh impossible to make yourself happy, yet seemingly trivial to make others happy, if you are keeping an eye out for the opportunity.

Hatred of self-interest is one of the worst aspects of human existence and is responsible for a non trivial amount of human suffering.

Try to find a way to embrace and appreciate your self-interest. Humans are not evil just because of their egoism, and nothing about egoism is inherently evil.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#274

Post by denton-scratch » Sat, May 21, 2022, 5:01 PM UTC

starkd wrote: post #26

rr808 wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

4) old enough to be the father of those I consider Yeah this is the real problem. Sure everyone wants to date 20 year old models, but you have to be special to do this. You really would have a lot more than no success with people your own age.

Quoted post unavailable.

> 20 year-old models aren't all they are cracked up to be.

I'm 65, and I wouldn't expect much from a relationship with anyone under 30. I mean, I can get on with such people; but most of my own foundational experiences occured during the 70s and 80s, so I wouldn't be able to share them. Tastes in music, political and social outlook, these things matter more than raw physical attraction after the first couple of months.

Also, it seems to me that the way people interact has changed; young people talk differently from my generation. I think there's more pressure to be "sociable" in particular ways. About 90% of young women, for example, are constantly texting, and I have to dodge them when I walk down the street, because they have lost all situational awareness.

And arm-candy would be no use to me at all, because I'm the opposite of arm-candy - overweight and balding. I'd be ashamed to be seen out-and-about with a tasty girl young enough to be my daughter.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#275

Post by denton-scratch » Sat, May 21, 2022, 5:03 PM UTC

bambax wrote: post #157

starkd wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Quoted post unavailable.

> Reminds me of a famous country music song I once heard that goes "pretty girls are nothing but trouble. Date an ugly one". There's this one: Always marry an ugly girl That's the only kind She'll never ever leave you And if she does you won't mind

It's a nice story, but don't rely on that myth. She might well leave you; and you probably will mind.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#276

Post by denton-scratch » Sat, May 21, 2022, 5:05 PM UTC

lurquer wrote: post #46

paleotrope wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life never make a pretty woman your wife, so for my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you.

Great song… The unspoken happy secret behind that point of view is that the ugly girl who loves you will become, in your eyes, the most beautiful woman in the world.

That is true; which is why it's a lie to say that when she leaves you, you won't mind.

Country music lyrics aren't a good basis for a philosophy of life.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#277

Post by denton-scratch » Sat, May 21, 2022, 5:16 PM UTC

dominotw wrote: post #246

devnull3 wrote: post #112

The thing I fear most is not loneliness but getting old and loosing senses (eye-sight, hearing, movement etc). I can't imagine what I will do. Can't even read books or listen to music, enjoy occasional TV. Its a lose-lose situation.

euthanasia?? thats my plan.

How do you plan to euthanase yourself?

Exit International recommend Nembutal (which is also used by Dignitas). But it's the very devil to buy; dark-markets sometimes offer it, bit it's fabulously expensive, and the sellers never have a trading record.

I'm told that hanging yourself from a doorknob is fairly quick and quite painless, but it's a problem for anyone that discovers you, or is with you when you do it. And it's hard to be sure that some idiot won't try to resuscitate you.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#278

Post by baby » Sat, May 21, 2022, 5:21 PM UTC

randomhodler84 wrote: post #267

baby wrote: post #218

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You remind me of people so picky that they can never find a partner in life.

Far better to be alone than with the wrong person. People settle for what is convenient. The wrong person is a fate worse than death.

You’re never going to find mr or ms right

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#279

Post by baby » Sat, May 21, 2022, 5:22 PM UTC

ryandrake wrote: post #245

bowsamic wrote: post #222

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah I would say so. People used to go to church, now they don't, and nothing has replaced it. Of course loneliness will increase

Political Ideology seems to be slowly replacing church. They are starting to develop very similar "features" as religions: Complex belief systems, rules for living, communities of like-minded (and clearly defined outsiders), ideological friends and enemies, in many cases "with us or against us" mentalities, hero/idol worship, ideology-specific literature, icons and imagery, rituals, chants and singing, repetitive spe…

Politics has always been like religion my friend, but it’s much more divisive than anything imo

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#280

Post by denton-scratch » Sat, May 21, 2022, 5:24 PM UTC

throwawaylonely wrote: post #183

bowsamic wrote: post #124

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I find it bizarre and unsettling that there is a big group of HN users who seem to be scared of death

If you're not, why not die now? If you get an infection that would kill you without medical attention, why not just let it kill you?

I'm not scared of death, but there would be several people that would regret my passing.

Also, when someone kills themself, it is normal (i.e. the expected response) to feel guilt and pain, even if nobody, including yourself, thinks you were in any way responsible.

I've formally informed the health services that I don't want to be resuscitated in the event of a stroke or heart attack. If I get an infection, however, I'm not likely to die; Ebola is rather rare. Much likelier is that I'd end up disabled, in pain or unable to care for myself.