241–250 of 338 posts
feeling this, almost 40. seems like dating is off the menu forevermore but I really never took enough time to enjoy it. Too busy playing with my computers
40 is the prime age for men. You can easily get a younger gf from Thailand/Vietnam/Philippines with minimum effort. And you never know you might find true love (if it exists) as well.
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This resonates a bit with me. I'm at an earlier point in life (25 now), so I realize giving advice may be naïve, but I feel inclined to share my experience so far still. I share the part of your story about liking computers and getting a wonderful career out of it - I currently work remotely in a low cost of living country making six USD figures, so I'm quite well into the 1% income bracket locally. Up until maybe a…
BTW, I 100% sympathise with being alone and alien. Alien is an apt description, actually. I came to love the delicious distance, and feeling of otherness. It was a slightly depressive feeling, but very comforting. Not many people can appreciate that, I've found.
feeling this, almost 40. seems like dating is off the menu forevermore but I really never took enough time to enjoy it. Too busy playing with my computers
Why do you think dating is off the menu? I know almost-40s that are actively dating. Maybe it's harder in certain areas? I could see this being an advantage of cities...
I am only half the author's age but, in my limited experience, the only thing worse than loneliness is the stifling weight of the impositions and compromises that come with virtually all relationships. The ones that offer enough in return to offset this weight make up the tiniest minority
I'm getting close to 60. I live alone since my wife moved out 20 years ago. The closest friend I have was a co-worker who retired at the end of 2021 and I have not seen him since. I enjoy it. I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I don't have to consider anyone else when I decide what I'm going to do. If I want to stay at the gym for an extra hour, I do. Nobody will complain about it when I get home. If I don't…
Been together with my wife for almost 25 years. I guess I got lucky because I have very little to complain about. In fact, I am glad she didn't leave me after I spent 15 years chasing fun and parties.
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I think everyone used to be religious and so church and mass was a way to get a community. Since more and more people are atheists, this community thing hasn’t really translated to the other side.
Yeah I would say so. People used to go to church, now they don't, and nothing has replaced it. Of course loneliness will increase
The thing I fear most is not loneliness but getting old and loosing senses (eye-sight, hearing, movement etc). I can't imagine what I will do. Can't even read books or listen to music, enjoy occasional TV. Its a lose-lose situation.
I'll add my own data point into the mix. I'm 49, have been married for 22 years, with kids who are either grown up, or well on their way. Throughout my life though, I have been an absolute loner in spirit. I grew up quite isolated, in the UK countryside, and learned to amuse myself early on. My first love was computers, which luckily has served me fairly well, career-wise. I haven't had many girlfriends, and felt ver…
This resonates a bit with me. I'm at an earlier point in life (25 now), so I realize giving advice may be naïve, but I feel inclined to share my experience so far still. I share the part of your story about liking computers and getting a wonderful career out of it - I currently work remotely in a low cost of living country making six USD figures, so I'm quite well into the 1% income bracket locally. Up until maybe a…
This is not to criticize embracing being single at 25. It's a good opportunity to figure out who you are and what you like. But the empty "a way to not be alone" relationships also happens in short term relationships and casual dating. You get what you put in.
> I haven't found ultimate happiness
You will not find this, it does not exist, and it is certainly not obtained by catching some mythical "the one." Unreasonable expectations will doom any relationship.
Relationships sound good afar, until you realize you have to deal with a lot of politics, jealousy, competition, manipulation, envy, hypocrisy, greed, duplicity, lust, and various other human vice. Sure, this is the transactional perspective, but good luck finding a non-transactional one.
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Please talk to a therapist or counselor before making any decisions. It sounds like you need someone to help talk through emotions, your plans, your desires, etc, and a trained professional will be able to help here. It’s not a sign of weakness, and these people really can help you make great decisions and really iron out what it is that you want, what the costs are for different decisions, etc. and there isn’t much…
That's great advice - I had a therapist for a couple of years, but stopped during covid. I think I will try to find another though - 100% worth it, as you say.
In either case, read up on the process for finding one that works you (and maybe your partner). Make sure it's someone you respect. There's a wide variety in quality, and if it's someone who you do not take seriously it will not be a good use of time.
Good luck
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Other cultures just don't seem to be as relentlessly status-hungry. Like, I've met homeless people in Colombia with better self-esteem than well-off Americans. Like our visible affluence is eating us alive. Old women in a bunch of Asian countries gather together in public places for some activity or other, often something physically active like ping pong or dancing. America for the most part seems to have lost the co…
>> Like, I've met homeless people in Colombia with better self-esteem than well-off Americans. That's interesting, can you expand on those Colombian people and why they have such high self-esteem ?