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On Aging Alone (2021)

thewalrus.ca

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Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#221

Post by bowsamic »

hn_version_0023 wrote: post #215
bowsamic wrote: post #211

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The US is worse for it than a lot of other western countries tho. Unless you’re religious, that is

I’m a lifelong atheist, but I am starting to look at religion simply for the community and fellowship. But honestly I don’t want to be religious. It seems like it entirely suspends one’s ability to think critically, and I have so little of that particular talent that letting go of what I do what feels like a disaster in the making. It feels exceptionally hard to go into it with an open mind.

Yeah really that's what religion is in this context: you find connection in the fact that you both suspended that part of your critical thinking. I say this as a religious person too, although one that hasn't found much particular community, since I am in a religion that doesn't have such things very strongly

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#222

Post by bowsamic »

baby wrote: post #216
hn_version_0023 wrote: post #208

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Most western people don't think like this any more, but it used to be understood and accepted that belonging to a family or community is rewarding, but it comes with duties and obligations I think you’ve hit the nail square on the head here: this is perhaps the thing that bothers me most about life in the US.. no sense of community, belonging, etc. I’ve been chronically lonely for pretty much all of my 46 years. I…

I think everyone used to be religious and so church and mass was a way to get a community. Since more and more people are atheists, this community thing hasn’t really translated to the other side.

Yeah I would say so. People used to go to church, now they don't, and nothing has replaced it. Of course loneliness will increase

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#223

Post by baby »

seydor wrote: post #162

> I have had the sense that my “real life,” the place where I belong and where there is no loneliness, is somewhere else out there in the world, although I can’t name or find it I found that virtual worlds like Second Life have a lot of old people. Those have been there for decades and their virtual friends are probably their most stable connection over time. Same goes for younger people who move around a lot and cha…

Talking about zuck, I can say that without facebook/whatsapp I wouldn’t have kept in touch with old friends (nobody has the same email and phone number now). A few week ends ago I managed to organize a weekend out with some old friends and it was one of the best thing I’ve done in years. I highly recommend trying to get the old gang back together for a weekend or more if you can afford it. First step is to create a whatsapp group.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#224

Post by JKCalhoun »

taylorius wrote: post #198
simonswords82 wrote: post #141

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hi fellow UK person. Sounds like you're just about to make a relatively large (perhaps dramatic?) change to your home and work life. Some people would call that a mid-life crisis but I think it's people realising the shortness of life and making sure they don't waste whatever they have left of it. Hope whatever the outcome it's a net positive :)

Hey fellow UK person! I may be on the brink, as you say, about to jump - or I may just be all talk. I'm not sure myself, if I'm honest :-) Though I am sure that I definitely prefer solitude + a number of friends now and again, rather than one super intense soul-mate all the time. Thanks for the good wishes, and best of luck to you too!

If you can, I wonder if tried a period of separation, maybe 6 months? To test the waters. My gut instinct is you may find divorce is not what you wanted after all, just some time and space to realize that.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#225

Post by anthk »

woyakcrying_jpg wrote: post #213
aortega wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>They can't date older women because older women spot their bullshit a mile away and steer clear. I think you should stop demonizing men's natural sexual preferences. Key word here is natural, we don't choose what we like. Nature choose for us, and young women are better at having children. Same reason young girls choose tall, rich men, because they are better at surviving and have more resources for raising children…

I think you should stop extrapolating your personal preferences to half of the world's population, too. Something as varying as sexual attraction can't be reduced to a fixed trait that "nature" has figured out. Indeed we don't choose what we like, and that is fine. You don't have to rationalize your preferences to anyone.

Sadly he is right. Men choose younger as a sign of being able to reproduce. Women, older with high status, because they can reproduce until very late. Women can't. Over the age of 30 there's severe risk.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#226

Post by anthk »

XorNot wrote: post #22
rr808 wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

4) old enough to be the father of those I consider Yeah this is the real problem. Sure everyone wants to date 20 year old models, but you have to be special to do this. You really would have a lot more than no success with people your own age.

> Sure everyone wants to date 20 year old models No they really don't. This is an idea pushed by sociopaths who are somewhere between trash and downright dangerous. They can't date older women because older women spot their bullshit a mile away and steer clear.

No, you are wrong. Women's healthy reproductibility rate decays every year over age 30. Men don't have that issues. Biology rules.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#227

Post by earth_walker »

starkd wrote: post #26
rr808 wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

4) old enough to be the father of those I consider Yeah this is the real problem. Sure everyone wants to date 20 year old models, but you have to be special to do this. You really would have a lot more than no success with people your own age.

Quoted post unavailable.

I'll chime in with some CanCon courtesy of the Northern Pikes:

    Her ego wrote cheques incredibly fast
    But her personality didn't have the cash
    I laughed out loud to my total dismay
    She ain't pretty she just looks that way

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#228

Post by SnowHill9902 »

XorNot wrote: post #22
rr808 wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

4) old enough to be the father of those I consider Yeah this is the real problem. Sure everyone wants to date 20 year old models, but you have to be special to do this. You really would have a lot more than no success with people your own age.

> Sure everyone wants to date 20 year old models No they really don't. This is an idea pushed by sociopaths who are somewhere between trash and downright dangerous. They can't date older women because older women spot their bullshit a mile away and steer clear.

Whoa.

Yes, at least date we do. Not necessarily marry, not necessarily spend a Sunday with, but date sure.

For centuries high status men have mated with younger women.

You sound bitter and resentful.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#229

Post by the_only_law »

hn_version_0023 wrote: post #208
Veen wrote: post #132

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's a tradeoff. Close-knit families limit your freedom, but they also provide stability, companionship, emotional and financial support, etc. On the other hand, you can have total independence from family and community, but then you aren't really a member. Most western people don't think like this any more, but it used to be understood and accepted that belonging to a family or community is rewarding, but it comes w…

> Most western people don't think like this any more, but it used to be understood and accepted that belonging to a family or community is rewarding, but it comes with duties and obligations I think you’ve hit the nail square on the head here: this is perhaps the thing that bothers me most about life in the US.. no sense of community, belonging, etc. I’ve been chronically lonely for pretty much all of my 46 years. I…

You can pick a religion or political party. Those seem to be popular for providing belonging to people here.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#230

Post by sillysaurusx »

jes wrote: post #219
taylorius wrote: post #133

I'll add my own data point into the mix. I'm 49, have been married for 22 years, with kids who are either grown up, or well on their way. Throughout my life though, I have been an absolute loner in spirit. I grew up quite isolated, in the UK countryside, and learned to amuse myself early on. My first love was computers, which luckily has served me fairly well, career-wise. I haven't had many girlfriends, and felt ver…

I am 62. About fifteen years ago I could have written almost exactly what you have written above. I blew up my long term marriage because of my fucked up thinking. It was a horrible mistake and one that I regret essentially every day. Of course, maybe it's all different for you. I mean that. I'm only suggesting something to check. Have a look at the material under "Nice Guy Syndrome" by Dr. Robert Glover. [1] Maybe g…

The flip side is that you know now that it was a mistake. Would you still be happy today if you hadn’t left, but without knowing it was the right choice?

Happiness is a fickle thing.

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