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75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

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Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#431

Post by rchaud »

Poppys wrote: post #295
dragonsky67 wrote: post #269

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm not sure why there is a stigma to deciding to not have kids. It's not as if your decision is going to have much impact on anybody except yourself or the potential grandparents who may feel that they are missing out, but that is very much their problem. All this talk of "perpetuating the species" is so much crap... The species will get along quite well without everybody contributing their genetic material. At leas…

There are tangible problems with a low birth rate though, which western economies are experiencing now.

That's a problem for the western economic systems to solve, not the humans stuck climbing its pyramid.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#432

Post by balderdash »

mensetmanusman wrote: post #134
rtlfe wrote: post #129

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> never use profanity (even saying 'crap' was very infrequent) Why does this matter?

Our society tends to reward people that curse infrequently?

I’d say the frequent use of foul language is highly correlated with other modes of anti-social behavior.

At the end of the day rude people are inconsiderate people, if you’re not thinking about how your behavior effects others…

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#433

Post by BLKNSLVR »

jollofricepeas wrote: post #221
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

You know what’s kind of weird? …When people say they can’t do any of their own hobbies because they have kids. I get it if you’re into kinky or extremely dangerous hobbies BUT… - I’ve always shared my hobbies with my kids. When I was really into making music, I gave my toddler at first Toca Music and then eventually their own iPad with GarageBand and we would just make songs together. - When I wrote apps, I taught th…

I took up tennis because of my kids. I rollerskate because (I fucking love it, inexplicably) it's the only "sport" my niece enjoys and none of the other adults will do it (helps that I fucking love it).

There was an interesting quote by Frank Zappa, along the lines of: treat your kids like adults, not property.

Here we are:

“The first thing you have to do if you want to raise nice kids, is you have to talk to them like they are people instead of talking to them like they’re property.”

Explain your reasons to them, even when you think the concepts are above them, and they will understand the effort, attention, and the body language if not the exact meaning of the words.

If they can understand the world you live in, the more likely they are to be compatible with it as they grow up.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#434

Post by BLKNSLVR »

novok wrote: post #333
TedDoesntTalk wrote: post #227

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is good advice but you have to change your expectations. You’re not going to get the same kind of run with a 5 yr old as alone, for example.

Put the 5 year old on your shoulders and make it twice the workout :p

My daughter used to climb on my back when I did push ups for some additional resistance. She used to give me a light slap if I was taking too long between reps.

Good times.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#435

Post by kotlin2 »

irrational wrote: post #275
kotlin2 wrote: post #144

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If people are an end to themselves, everyone would have as many kids as possible. Clearly some people believe people to be an end to themselves, but I doubt that opinion is held by the majority. My question about outcomes was specifically about those that exist.

I think what they mean is, every person is different and it is impossible to say how any individual would be if they had been raised in a large family instead of a small one, or vice versa.

I don't think so. "an end" means a goal. "People are an end", to me, means that the creation of people is the goal. This is a common belief in religions like Catholicism that are against contraception.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#436

Post by denvrede »

sneak wrote: post #172
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

> The sleepless nights and diaper changes are a mere blip on the scale of a lifetime with kids. You're looking at what, 2-5 years of that? Per kid? Plus the huge time commitments for all of the other burdensome stuff that having kids entails, like school and transport and non-school education? 2-5 years out of a lifetime isn't much, but 2-5 years out of your 30s or early 40s is a gigantic percentage of your remaining…

> It's fine if you like kids and didn't have actual plans to have fun in your 30s or 40s, but people with exciting lives will lose a lot if they suddenly have to dedicate almost all of their free time for 5 years to their offspring.

The audacity, unbelievable. So I guess I'll stop having fun now go back to my boring life?

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#437

Post by Shocka1 »

WheatMillington wrote: post #90
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

I don't think I'm necessarily having the same experience as you.... my advice to people who aren't sure if they want kids, is DON'T. It's bloody hard, you sacrifice A LOT. Don't have kids unless you're very sure it's what you want. I have 2 kids under 6 and I feel like I just don't have any time for any of my hobbies any more. I leave for work first thing, come home in the afternoon, and haven't had any time for myse…

I would agree mostly, but this comment a little on the extreme side IMO. You sound miserable.

I can relate as this is exactly how I felt the first 6 months of the first child we had - they are between 4 and 7 now. I was and still am a pretty selfish person with lots of hobbies, but most of them had to go to the backburner for the time being. Once I was able to get over myself things started going a lot smoother.

Of course there are times I wish I could be mountain biking, fishing, etc., instead of one of the many tasks that involve children, but I find myself looking forward to spending time with them these days. They are getting to the age where I'm starting to take them with me to enjoy the things I love as well. I imagine this will get higher in frequency as they get older.

From one selfish person to another, hang in there.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#438

Post by skinnymuch »

neweroldguy wrote: post #407
Defitio wrote: post #388

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In my opinion plenty of people just use kids as a scapegoat for meaning of life. My question would be why you value your kids time more than bouldern? Because you made them? Because they consume so much time with them? Or because you are just better in being a parent and biological getting satisfaction out of it? Unfortunately for me I'm not sure if I would end like you or the other poster who regrets it sometimes. A…

I think your concern (will I be one who is fulfilled, or one who regrets?) is reasonable, but in fact for many people the answer is “yes”. You’ll often feel fulfilled. Occasionally you’ll regret. Also, “escape goat”, while an amazing phrase, should be “scapegoat”.

Escape goat is such a better term haha. I wish it was a legit synonym

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#439

Post by skinnymuch »

HideousKojima wrote: post #428
Defitio wrote: post #388

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In my opinion plenty of people just use kids as a scapegoat for meaning of life. My question would be why you value your kids time more than bouldern? Because you made them? Because they consume so much time with them? Or because you are just better in being a parent and biological getting satisfaction out of it? Unfortunately for me I'm not sure if I would end like you or the other poster who regrets it sometimes. A…

>I have the opposite though: perhaps I need to not to have kids to stop the cycle of creating meaning through procreation. You won't stop the cycle though, others who do actually have kids will simply continue it, and the single biggest way in which you could have had and influence on the future of the world and the human race will have been eliminated. And that's before you get into any religious implications of hav…

Being wealthy or powerful probably has more influence on the world and humans than having kids.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#440

Post by jalk »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

The Making Sense podcast episode with Russ Roberts[1] touched on these points with a reference to Charles Darwin who at some point made a pros/cons list of getting married. All the pros were rather boring practical things. Roberts argue that it was missing all the positive things that you don't see as a bystander (emotion based). The same goes for having children - you cant see the warm feeling inside that most parents still have for their kids despite all the hard work that is very visibile to others

[1] https://www.samharris.org/podcasts/making-sense-episodes/299...

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