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75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

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Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#291

Post by lhball »

WheatMillington wrote: post #90
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

I don't think I'm necessarily having the same experience as you.... my advice to people who aren't sure if they want kids, is DON'T. It's bloody hard, you sacrifice A LOT. Don't have kids unless you're very sure it's what you want. I have 2 kids under 6 and I feel like I just don't have any time for any of my hobbies any more. I leave for work first thing, come home in the afternoon, and haven't had any time for myse…

> I just don't have any time for any of my hobbies any more

Exactly this. I have 2 under six, and outside the odd night were my wife bathes both kids, from 6am to 9pm I’m either working or hanging out with my kids. Maybe 2-3 times a month I’ll get 4 hours to myself to go watch a baseball/hockey game.

At the end of the day though, I look back and I’m grateful. I tell myself “where did my hobbies go” but deep down I know I probably would have spent that time watching a 3 hour super smash brothers documentary or re-reading LOTR or something stupid like that.

Kids have made me more focused. Their unconditional needs force me to weed out the time wasting, unimportant things in my life. I honestly sometimes wonder how it ever felt like I was busy before.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#292

Post by crftr »

TedDoesntTalk wrote: post #239
ROTMetro wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My son had a springsuit at 1. We would just sit in the sand at Manresa. It was some of the most peaceful, most content, most important time in my life. I don't really remember any discussions from a holiday dinner. But I remember sitting on that beach, and the very important rocks that we examined so seriously. The texture of them. The smell of the salt air. Exploring the bucket with sandcrabs I had gathered. Maybe y…

What is a spring suit?

A spring suit is a wetsuit that's normally worn in cool water--e.g. in the spring or fall. Spring suits normally have short arms and short legs.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#293

Post by xeromal »

spockz wrote: post #279
xeromal wrote: post #181

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your mileage may vary. It's not inter-generational but I (31 years) live in a house with my brother (26 years) and sister (25 years) live in a house we own together all with our own respective partners, etc. It's not for everyone but I promise you this. We ain't lonely. lol.

To be fair, that is hardly inter generational.

For sure, I just mean, nuclear families aren't the only option that is enjoyable to live with.

My mom lived with us until she found a husband. It has some negatives, but I think it's handedly beaten by the positives if you enjoy your family's company.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#294

Post by ojl »

tacoman wrote: post #101
WheatMillington wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't think I'm necessarily having the same experience as you.... my advice to people who aren't sure if they want kids, is DON'T. It's bloody hard, you sacrifice A LOT. Don't have kids unless you're very sure it's what you want. I have 2 kids under 6 and I feel like I just don't have any time for any of my hobbies any more. I leave for work first thing, come home in the afternoon, and haven't had any time for myse…

Yes, spending time with little kids can be really boring, be present when it counts though. This period of life doesn't last forever so take care of your health and maintain your important relationships with whatever energy you can muster. Every time I look at pictures of my kids when they were younger I feel a tinge of regret for not being more in the moment.

I feel the same, but also got lucky that my oldest son and I both like climbing. So even if he, as a typical teenager, wants to spend time with friends or simply wants to be left alone in his room we spend 2-3 evenings per week together at the climbing gym.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#295

Post by Poppys »

dragonsky67 wrote: post #269
scandox wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I enjoy being a parent but my advice to people who ask if they should have kids is that you really have to want to have kids because all the benefits are intangible and all the drawbacks are tangible. People who say they don't want kids, usually mean it - whether they've identified their real reason or not.

I'm not sure why there is a stigma to deciding to not have kids. It's not as if your decision is going to have much impact on anybody except yourself or the potential grandparents who may feel that they are missing out, but that is very much their problem. All this talk of "perpetuating the species" is so much crap... The species will get along quite well without everybody contributing their genetic material. At leas…

There are tangible problems with a low birth rate though, which western economies are experiencing now.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#296

Post by nlitened »

spockz wrote: post #260
Aeolun wrote: post #123

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> until the kids are down at 7.30 Yours sleep at 7:30?! How do you not consider that to be literally oceans of free time? That said, yeah, you give up the whole evenings spent trying to solve some problem, but honestly, I don’t think that, on my deathbed, I’ll ever regret that I didn’t get to solve problem x 30 years ago. What I’m almost positive I’ll look back on very fondly though is every evening spent going in th…

The kids being down at 730/19:30 doesn’t mean everything is done: Laundry, cleaning after dinner, tidying up, ordering groceries/making shopping lists, actually doing groceries, fixing something in/at house/car/garden, taking out trash(diapers), paper/plastic, researching which child seat to buy when they get bigger, parent/teacher sessions. This when you are lucky. Maybe even preparation for work or study is needed…

Have you tried outsourcing all the chores? Get a nanny, a gardener, a personal assistant, hire handymen, don’t cook at home.

Sorry for being analytical about it, I am personally interested in having kids—and so far it seems to me that you’re overburdening yourself with too much stuff that you don’t have to do at all.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#297

Post by quickthrower2 »

kbrannigan wrote: post #87
ProfessorLayton wrote: post #29

A huge asterisk here is that this varies greatly by culture. For better or worse* certain cultures value strong family bonds and time spent with the parents, as well as bilateral support well into adulthood. Many cultures also encourage multigenerational living within a single household (or in extremely close proximity like my parents did). For example, my parents were happy to have me live at home as long as I wante…

Yes! American, Anglo-Saxon culture while widespread is not the norm. There is such thing as Inter-generational living. You often see advice on the internet: Why are you 20 and still living with your parents, you're a loser. You're 30 still living with your parents, you won't amount to anything. Yeah right!!! Meanwhile they leave alone with a dog, - need a ton of additional psychotherapy to stay sane. - Need to setup…

OTOH some people need the psychologist because they are living with their parents.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#298

Post by cossatot »

Panzer04 wrote: post #265
dionidium wrote: post #249

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If it makes you feel any better I delayed having kids and spent my 30s dating and hanging out and going to bars -- and it was terrible. I was never more depressed. I got tired of dating. I got tired of bars. I was lonely. My life had no meaning or direction. I had a nice career and could go anywhere and do anything I wanted, but it turns out none of that made me even a little bit happy. I remember one summer making p…

This feels a lot like a more extreme version of what I'm doing now (especially the camping thing), and I'm a lot younger.. Thanks for the perspective.

Camping is also a great activity with kids, for what it’s worth. Backpacking 20 miles into the wilderness is not going to be an option at least until they are older, but car camping can still be pretty fun even when they are itty bitty especially if there is some fun and accessible terrain to explore—water to throw rocks into, mossy rocks and tree trunks to check out and stumble over, etc.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#299

Post by withinboredom »

spockz wrote: post #260
Aeolun wrote: post #123

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> until the kids are down at 7.30 Yours sleep at 7:30?! How do you not consider that to be literally oceans of free time? That said, yeah, you give up the whole evenings spent trying to solve some problem, but honestly, I don’t think that, on my deathbed, I’ll ever regret that I didn’t get to solve problem x 30 years ago. What I’m almost positive I’ll look back on very fondly though is every evening spent going in th…

The kids being down at 730/19:30 doesn’t mean everything is done: Laundry, cleaning after dinner, tidying up, ordering groceries/making shopping lists, actually doing groceries, fixing something in/at house/car/garden, taking out trash(diapers), paper/plastic, researching which child seat to buy when they get bigger, parent/teacher sessions. This when you are lucky. Maybe even preparation for work or study is needed…

My wife is a morning person. I am not. She does all the morning stuff, and gets the kiddo to school before I even wake up. I put our kid to bed, do the dishes, and game/hobby stuff until midnight to 2am. My wife enjoys her quiet mornings before I wake up and the kiddo is in school, I enjoy my quiet evenings when everyone is in bed.

I can’t imagine how couples that are both morning or night people can function. It must be so different.

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