I wish the author had provided a source for their claim.
exactly -- it's almost like the author just made the number up out of thin air or something...
75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12
21–30 of 479 posts
Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12
#22on the flip side, a lot of kids experiences before 12 will be forgotten, some will be super memorable for their entire lives, but a lot of their memories of you as a "parent" and who you are as a person will be after the age of 12.
That was a bittersweet realization for me. Thinking back to my own childhood memories and what age they correlate with. I have a couple school-specific memories from 4-8 or so. Then they kick in more fully from 8-13ish. Then it becomes more "normal". My oldest is 8, so he probably will only now begin to remember our life together.
Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12
#23My dad’s death caused me to reevaluate the relative value of time during my child’s very early years. Prior to his death, I primarily saw them as developmentally critical but personally unfulfilling. After his death I reoriented much of my day to maximize time spent. I regret that it took this event to make me realize this but hey, personal epiphany has costs.
Also - many thanks to the OG Nest team; thanks to your hardware I have high quality video of my son and my father together. They were only able to meet outside due to peak COVID.
Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12
#24I wish the author had provided a source for their claim.
It looks like a back-of-the-envelope calculation to me: twelve summers before the developmental changes she mentions divided by sixteen, when they start driving, get a summer job, start dating, etc. You could probably plot a curve of hours per summer, starting to decline at twelve and declining fast after sixteen...
Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12
#25This reminds me of that song I really hate, Cat's in the Cradle.
I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, I'd like to see you if you don't mind
He said, I'd love to, dad, if I can find the time
You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, dad
It's been sure nice talking to you
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then, dad
We're gonna have a good time then
Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12
#26This is also a reminder of the opposite. For those of us on here, we have less than 25% of our time with our parents left. I lost my father earlier this year. I count myself lucky that I felt very satisfied and complete in our relationship.
i likely have < 5% left. I moved internationally and have parents in their 70s i will likely see them less than 200 days in total.
Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12
#27Feels odd writing this, but for me, being able to defy this was a positive consequence of the pandemic. I lived alone after I finished college and started working. 3.5 years later this whole pandemic things starts. I ended up moving back home for 2 years because my job went full remote. My siblings and brother-in-law (sister's husband) joined as well. It was surreal living together again as adults.
It’s amazing how many people did this during the pandemic (me included).
Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12
#28Can confirm. If you put a penny in a jar every time you spend time with your kids until they get to school, then take a penny out every time after that, you will never empty that jar.
Do you mean high school, or college? Surely not elementary...
Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12
#29A huge asterisk here is that this varies greatly by culture. For better or worse* certain cultures value strong family bonds and time spent with the parents, as well as bilateral support well into adulthood. Many cultures also encourage multigenerational living within a single household (or in extremely close proximity like my parents did).
For example, my parents were happy to have me live at home as long as I wanted, and in fact encouraged me to stay so I could save up. Ideally in their eyes I wouldn't even move out until I was married. In my parent's culture, I'm not seen as a loser or a burden because I'm living with them as an adult, only if I wasn't contributing to the family's prosperity. Of course I wanted to live my own life sooner than that, but that doesn't mean I left as soon as I was 18.
Because of these strong family ties I live within minutes of my parents, and still make sure to visit often, even if it's just for dinner.
*Where this can breakdown is if one does not fit neatly within the boundaries and expectations set by cultural norms.
Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12
#30on the flip side, a lot of kids experiences before 12 will be forgotten, some will be super memorable for their entire lives, but a lot of their memories of you as a "parent" and who you are as a person will be after the age of 12.
That was a bittersweet realization for me. Thinking back to my own childhood memories and what age they correlate with. I have a couple school-specific memories from 4-8 or so. Then they kick in more fully from 8-13ish. Then it becomes more "normal". My oldest is 8, so he probably will only now begin to remember our life together.
It's even more scary when you realize that many of your memories from that far ago are "enhanced" by photos, etc (the brain isn't great at distinguishing) - so take pictures/video of the things you'd like to remember, it lasts longer.