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75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

1000hoursoutside.com

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Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#41

Post by PragmaticPulp »

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever.

I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that:

1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/activities on weekends. My wife and I are good at sharing the load. You don't need 2 parents watching kids 100% of the time.

2) The sleepless nights and diaper changes are a mere blip on the scale of a lifetime with kids. You deal with it, then the kids grow up quicker than you think. Don't let the idea of the first few months/years define your entire decision for how you want to structure your family for the rest of your life.

3) You actually like hanging out with your own kids. I talk to a lot of people who are anchored to some negative experience they had 10 years ago babysitting for someone else's kids, as if that was representative of parenting life. It's not at all. At the end of the day, I actually rush to finish up my work so I can have more kid time. It's fun.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#42

Post by netsharc »

gamerDude wrote: post #17

This is also a reminder of the opposite. For those of us on here, we have less than 25% of our time with our parents left. I lost my father earlier this year. I count myself lucky that I felt very satisfied and complete in our relationship.

Long, but at the end he does the stats about approximate time left with his parents:

https://waitbutwhy.com/2015/12/the-tail-end.html

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#43

Post by ROTMetro »

wang_li wrote: post #19

While it may be a true statistic, it seems to dramatically miss the boat. Time spent with a newborn, with an infant, with a four year old, with a ten year old, with a sixteen year old, with a twenty year old are not the same. You can have more interaction, more contentment, more sense of continuity, and more sense of family, in a Thanksgiving weekend spent with your adult child and their family than the entirety of y…

My son had a springsuit at 1. We would just sit in the sand at Manresa. It was some of the most peaceful, most content, most important time in my life. I don't really remember any discussions from a holiday dinner. But I remember sitting on that beach, and the very important rocks that we examined so seriously. The texture of them. The smell of the salt air. Exploring the bucket with sandcrabs I had gathered.

Maybe you are referring to something specific about you as a person and what you value and not a general rule.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#45

Post by rjh29 »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

When I imagine taking kids to the park, or camping or reading to them, or playing with them it just seems like a chore. Is that something that magically becomes different if it's _your_ kid?

With my niece and nephew I enjoyed playing with them for an hour or so, then I wanted to be left alone. I get the feeling parenting is a bad idea in general for people who love being alone for extended periods of time.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#46

Post by ROTMetro »

ourmandave wrote: post #25

This reminds me of that song I really hate, Cat's in the Cradle. I've long since retired, my son's moved away I called him up just the other day I said, I'd like to see you if you don't mind He said, I'd love to, dad, if I can find the time You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kids have the flu But it's sure nice talking to you, dad It's been sure nice talking to you And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me H…

You can f right off with this post! Dude, really? Like you couldn't do the whole spoiler make the text black unless I highlight it thing? This friggin guy making all us old dads cry. But seriously, hits right in the feels.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#47

Post by scandox »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

I enjoy being a parent but my advice to people who ask if they should have kids is that you really have to want to have kids because all the benefits are intangible and all the drawbacks are tangible.

People who say they don't want kids, usually mean it - whether they've identified their real reason or not.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#49

Post by Teknoman117 »

chrischen wrote: post #27
Teknoman117 wrote: post #9

Feels odd writing this, but for me, being able to defy this was a positive consequence of the pandemic. I lived alone after I finished college and started working. 3.5 years later this whole pandemic things starts. I ended up moving back home for 2 years because my job went full remote. My siblings and brother-in-law (sister's husband) joined as well. It was surreal living together again as adults.

It’s amazing how many people did this during the pandemic (me included).

I had a fantastic home life growing up so it was a no-brainer. Very much a "how am I supposed to have my rebellious teenage phase if you keep supporting me" kind of experience.

My heart goes out to the people who had to do it out of necessity rather than choice.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#50

Post by issa »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

"forever" is very relative. If you have one kid, and a partner to raise them, then what you describe is very accurate. But if you have two kids spread out over a few years, then you can pretty much assume 15+ years of your life are going to be very kid focused.

This is not a BAD thing! But go in with open eyes!

And, most importantly, results will vary significantly. All kids are different. And factors like if you live close to family, are comfortable financially, etc will have a huge impact.

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