Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

1000hoursoutside.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

121–130 of 479 posts

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#121

Post by [deleted] »

warner25 wrote: post #105
tacoman wrote: post #101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, spending time with little kids can be really boring, be present when it counts though. This period of life doesn't last forever so take care of your health and maintain your important relationships with whatever energy you can muster. Every time I look at pictures of my kids when they were younger I feel a tinge of regret for not being more in the moment.

I feel the same as WheatMillington most of the time, but also feel the same as you when I look at pictures of my kids from the past few years. It's so conflicting.

[deleted]

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#122

Post by arcticfox »

WheatMillington wrote: post #90
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

I don't think I'm necessarily having the same experience as you.... my advice to people who aren't sure if they want kids, is DON'T. It's bloody hard, you sacrifice A LOT. Don't have kids unless you're very sure it's what you want. I have 2 kids under 6 and I feel like I just don't have any time for any of my hobbies any more. I leave for work first thing, come home in the afternoon, and haven't had any time for myse…

On the other hand, I wasn't sure if I wanted kids, and the borderline decision to go ahead was the best decision of my life. YMMV.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#123

Post by Aeolun »

WheatMillington wrote: post #90
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

I don't think I'm necessarily having the same experience as you.... my advice to people who aren't sure if they want kids, is DON'T. It's bloody hard, you sacrifice A LOT. Don't have kids unless you're very sure it's what you want. I have 2 kids under 6 and I feel like I just don't have any time for any of my hobbies any more. I leave for work first thing, come home in the afternoon, and haven't had any time for myse…

> until the kids are down at 7.30

Yours sleep at 7:30?! How do you not consider that to be literally oceans of free time?

That said, yeah, you give up the whole evenings spent trying to solve some problem, but honestly, I don’t think that, on my deathbed, I’ll ever regret that I didn’t get to solve problem x 30 years ago.

What I’m almost positive I’ll look back on very fondly though is every evening spent going in the bath with my kid, then taking him to bed, watching some youtube and reading books.

My biggest regret is that (barring a miracle) I won’t have any more than one (for his sake as much as mine).

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#124

Post by refurb »

rjh29 wrote: post #45
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

When I imagine taking kids to the park, or camping or reading to them, or playing with them it just seems like a chore. Is that something that magically becomes different if it's _your_ kid? With my niece and nephew I enjoyed playing with them for an hour or so, then I wanted to be left alone. I get the feeling parenting is a bad idea in general for people who love being alone for extended periods of time.

I don’t know if it’s true for everyone, but it was for me.

It’s night and day difference between looking after someone else’s kid and my own.

I guess it’s the sense of responsibility that you are the main caregiver and how your kid turns out is pretty much up to you and your partner.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#125

Post by maroonblazer »

gday2020 wrote: post #115
popularrecluse wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well another thought is that the only way to revert this so-called doomerist path is to choose to have and raise kids with empathy for others and with care towards the natural world they've inherited. Because the people who don't give a shit ain't going to stop having them.

Raising them with good values doesn't mean that they will keep those throughout their life, unfortunately. Quite risky to bet on that.

I have no data to support this but I'm willing to bet that the likelihood they do keep those values is significantly greater than the likelihood that they don't.

So, a very low risk bet.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#126

Post by Aeolun »

tacoman wrote: post #101
WheatMillington wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't think I'm necessarily having the same experience as you.... my advice to people who aren't sure if they want kids, is DON'T. It's bloody hard, you sacrifice A LOT. Don't have kids unless you're very sure it's what you want. I have 2 kids under 6 and I feel like I just don't have any time for any of my hobbies any more. I leave for work first thing, come home in the afternoon, and haven't had any time for myse…

Yes, spending time with little kids can be really boring, be present when it counts though. This period of life doesn't last forever so take care of your health and maintain your important relationships with whatever energy you can muster. Every time I look at pictures of my kids when they were younger I feel a tinge of regret for not being more in the moment.

> I feel a tinge of regret for not being more in the moment.

That’s not really something you control. In that moment you probably just wanted to escape for 5 minutes of blessed peace.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#127

Post by throw0101c »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

> 2) The sleepless nights and diaper changes are a mere blip on the scale of a lifetime with kids. You deal with it, then the kids grow up quicker than you think.

The days are long, but the years are short.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#128

Post by Aeolun »

hackly wrote: post #118
andyferris wrote: post #112

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hang in there another couple of years. Now my youngest is 7 I find life a lot more liberating then when they were under 6. And its fun doing "older" activities with the kids. But yeah it's hard for more than "the first few months/years"! > when I see the child free people around me, and how they're spending their 30s On the flip side, I wonder if you might enjoy your 70's and 80's a lot more with kids (and possibly g…

With the way things are going, they might be living with me in a basement and sharing my old age security for sustenance.

Then you won’t need to worry about 75% of your time with them being before they are 12 ;)

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#129

Post by rtlfe »

neverartful wrote: post #114

And during that time that they're 12 or younger: - Read to your young children regularly. Ideally, every day. This is something my father did with me when I was very young and I can't express how wonderful it was. - Remember that you're setting the example for them -- make it a good example. 2 specific examples that I always observed: never use profanity (even saying 'crap' was very infrequent), and never let your ki…

> never use profanity (even saying 'crap' was very infrequent)

Why does this matter?

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#130

Post by dugmartin »

throw0101c wrote: post #127
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

> 2) The sleepless nights and diaper changes are a mere blip on the scale of a lifetime with kids. You deal with it, then the kids grow up quicker than you think. The days are long, but the years are short.

As a parent of an 15 and an 18 year old I have to agree - it’s also my go to phrase when I meet a parent of a younger kid. It’s hard but enjoy those years.
Post reply on HN