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75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

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Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#221

Post by jollofricepeas »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

You know what’s kind of weird?

…When people say they can’t do any of their own hobbies because they have kids.

I get it if you’re into kinky or extremely dangerous hobbies BUT…

- I’ve always shared my hobbies with my kids. When I was really into making music, I gave my toddler at first Toca Music and then eventually their own iPad with GarageBand and we would just make songs together.

- When I wrote apps, I taught them Scratch. I’d work on myself and they’d do their own kiddie stuff next to me.

- Same with working out, I grab the weights while my kids do calisthenics and then we go jogging together.

- We read books together. Sometimes the same ones or different ones.

- We go out to eat and try different cultural foods. You name the cuisine my kids have eaten and probably love it from Armenian to Senegalese.

Make your kids a part of your hobbies (don’t force it on them) and your lives will be more richer for it.

Trust me ;)

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#222

Post by tjr225 »

WheatMillington wrote: post #90
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

I don't think I'm necessarily having the same experience as you.... my advice to people who aren't sure if they want kids, is DON'T. It's bloody hard, you sacrifice A LOT. Don't have kids unless you're very sure it's what you want. I have 2 kids under 6 and I feel like I just don't have any time for any of my hobbies any more. I leave for work first thing, come home in the afternoon, and haven't had any time for myse…

No post body was provided.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#223

Post by intrasight »

gamerDude wrote: post #17

This is also a reminder of the opposite. For those of us on here, we have less than 25% of our time with our parents left. I lost my father earlier this year. I count myself lucky that I felt very satisfied and complete in our relationship.

You will some day have a meeting or likely a phone call that is that last 0.001% - because it is the last meeting or phone call. Sometimes you know it to be the last but usually you don't. But for sure you'll remember it. So make every interaction matter!

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#224

Post by intrasight »

neverartful wrote: post #114

And during that time that they're 12 or younger: - Read to your young children regularly. Ideally, every day. This is something my father did with me when I was very young and I can't express how wonderful it was. - Remember that you're setting the example for them -- make it a good example. 2 specific examples that I always observed: never use profanity (even saying 'crap' was very infrequent), and never let your ki…

All things you can do for the rest of your and their lives. My daughter just passed her PhD General Exam today! We still read to each other :)

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#225

Post by TedDoesntTalk »

baryphonic wrote: post #215
a_e_k wrote: post #163

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have four kids. YMMV, but I've found with mine that six years old seems to be the magic threshold. Developmentally, it seems like at that age a switch suddenly turns on and they start really showing distinct interests, talking fluently, thinking more abstractly, making solid friendships with a few peers, and wanting a bit more independence. I find the 6yo age to be a blast.

I'd echo this. My youngest is 5, and though we went through the terrible 2s through the f**ing 4s, it seems we've turned a corner at age 5. There's this sweet little kid who can start to control his emotions and frequently makes us laugh. In place of fits and tantrums we had for basically the past three years, we have someone who can take a breather and accept "no" for an answer. The best part is all of the hugs, the…

Read “Setting Limits” by Robert Mackenzie if you still have problems with “no” and tantrums. I’ve read 10 parenting books and this is hands-down the best.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#227

Post by TedDoesntTalk »

jollofricepeas wrote: post #221
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

You know what’s kind of weird? …When people say they can’t do any of their own hobbies because they have kids. I get it if you’re into kinky or extremely dangerous hobbies BUT… - I’ve always shared my hobbies with my kids. When I was really into making music, I gave my toddler at first Toca Music and then eventually their own iPad with GarageBand and we would just make songs together. - When I wrote apps, I taught th…

This is good advice but you have to change your expectations. You’re not going to get the same kind of run with a 5 yr old as alone, for example.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#228

Post by khazhoux »

elil17 wrote: post #213
neverartful wrote: post #137

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you want your child growing up to be foul-mouthed?

Who cares? As long as someone can shut it off when needed (e.g. at work) this is something that does not matter at all.

Maybe his point isn't that cursing is bad, but that you should set an example for proper manners. Like, the language they should use when talking with schoolteachers, at work, etc.

That's my household: they'll hear plenty of salt when we play Jay-Z or Run The Jewels around the house, and it's no big deal if they cuss while telling us about their day, but we'd never tell them to "Pick up the fucking dishes."

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#229

Post by nostrademons »

ip26 wrote: post #191
Aeolun wrote: post #126

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I feel a tinge of regret for not being more in the moment. That’s not really something you control. In that moment you probably just wanted to escape for 5 minutes of blessed peace.

The weird part is the lag. You want to escape for 5 minutes. But you only want that now because you couldn't escape for years before . If you stopped to think about it, maybe you don't really want those five minutes. If only you stop and really think.

That requires stopping to think for five minutes, which you didn't have in the moment.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#230

Post by hzhou321 »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

It's not about the amount of time kids takes up in your life. It is about how kids changes your life forever. Your priority in life changes, then your life changes. I guess when kids leave us, we need relearn the life.
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