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I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

wave3.social

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Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#341

Post by dugmartin »

Telemakhos wrote: post #16

Sometimes I wish we could have "gentlemen's clubs" of the sort that existed in Victorian Britain (not the US strip club version), third-spaces where one could go to read or converse or play cards with other men or even have a meal or a drink. Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today.

These still exist in the US but the membership has plummeted. Some examples:

    - Freemasons
    - Odd Fellows
    - Fraternal Order of Eagles
    - Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks
    - Loyal Order of Moose
We have an Eagle's "aerie" in my little town. It has a nice banquet hall area on the main floor and a member's only bar in the basement with pool tables and a deck that overlooks the river.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#342

Post by TheOtherHobbes »

card_zero wrote: post #329
immibis wrote: post #295

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why? And why gender, but not race?

Yes, what is this vibe change? So far I'm picking up: * Single men don't feel compelled to be horndogs and show off and compete. * Married men are tired of always doing everything with their wives. * Possible gay interest? * Something about model trains, apparently women ruin model trains?

Men in men-only spaces can be honest and open about their experiences with women, which includes being critical of women, without being shamed for it.

This is impossible in spaces where women are also present.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#343

Post by moritonal »

rsynnott wrote: post #325
subscribed wrote: post #242

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Oh, but why if they're having a functional clubs already? I feel like men only spaces in the UK are frowned upon (see Garrick club narration). No matter the reason, the only way single sex spaces work here is women only.

So there’s at least one type of men’s only space in the UK; some gay club nights are men-only, and enforce this with registration/membership. Was a bit of a culture shock visiting from Ireland, where, as far as I know, this is not a thing (even the most male-oriented club nights _allow_ women, and there’ll usually be one or two; I’ve never known anyone to have a problem with this). I’m unsure whether there’s a legal…

Anecdotally I heard this was because straight-women would prefer these clubs due to less pressure and more fun, which caused straight-men to try get into the clubs just to hit on them.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#344

Post by [deleted] »

groestl wrote: post #321
imjustaghost wrote: post #220

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is a good point. I am a married man. As a woman, my wife cannot give me guy time - hence I love to hang out with my friends (who are all guys) - and I cannot give her girl time - hence she loves to hang out with her friends (who are all girls). The only women I am happy to be friendly with are colleagues (in a professional manner), family and ladies that my wife and I are friends with. A lot of people baulk at t…

I'm sure it's common, but I've always hung around in mixed groups, doing whatever, so I'm puzzled and curious what guy time or girl time even is.

[deleted]

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#345

Post by swarnie »

didsomeonesay wrote: post #319
Veen wrote: post #228

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The working class used to have working men’s clubs, but they no longer serve the same purpose.

Which new purpose do you allude to?

Only a guess but they all dropped the "working" and "men" requirements.

The latest incarnation was "Men in Sheds" which eventually got the traditional treatment - https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cg5qd9l3094o

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#346

Post by moritonal »

wkat4242 wrote: post #72
Telemakhos wrote: post #16

Sometimes I wish we could have "gentlemen's clubs" of the sort that existed in Victorian Britain (not the US strip club version), third-spaces where one could go to read or converse or play cards with other men or even have a meal or a drink. Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today.

Those clubs still exist in London but they're just for the elite to make shady backroom deals with their rich buddies :) They're really exclusive and they always have been. You and I would not get in, not now and not in the Victorian days. Even 'new money' is usually not ok. You really have to have gone to the right school and have the right family.

Just to challenge that slightly. There is a range of clubs, some are honestly very easy to get into if you end up there for some work event and talk to at least two people. It's the ability to socialize, and lack of clubs focused on new industries that's made them elusive to the new-money (There isn't a National Software Club for example). I'll also knowledge most would run about £1-2k a quarter which is restrictive (by design) cost.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#347

Post by guerrilla »

immibis wrote: post #295
bluefirebrand wrote: post #199

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Like I'm being a bit of a contrarian dick This is the only thing you've said that I agree with > If you lose the ability to be a normal person What is normal for a group of men is different than what is normal for the same group of men when a woman is present It's not rocket science here.

Why? And why gender, but not race?

I don't think race matters but clearly culture does. Ukranian or Somali spaces would not be what they are if just anyone could go. Even having to speak English or explain things to outsiders changes the dynamics entirely.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#348

Post by card_zero »

TheOtherHobbes wrote: post #342
card_zero wrote: post #329

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, what is this vibe change? So far I'm picking up: * Single men don't feel compelled to be horndogs and show off and compete. * Married men are tired of always doing everything with their wives. * Possible gay interest? * Something about model trains, apparently women ruin model trains?

Men in men-only spaces can be honest and open about their experiences with women, which includes being critical of women, without being shamed for it. This is impossible in spaces where women are also present.

I guess that's true. Seems like loneliness is increased by people's habits of seeking sex, and seeking to talk about sex, and their expectations that others will do that.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#350

Post by mrweasel »

tdb7893 wrote: post #51
Multicomp wrote: post #2

The lack of deep friendships feel like a 3-fold problem. 1. You can't ever be real, if you are real, you are likely to be recorded doing something someone somewhere on the largest stage in the world (the public web) that someone will disapprove of, and someone else will raise their own profile by mining your impiety to prove their own concern and moral superiority. 2. Everyone is so mobile and connected online, they…

"if you are real, you are likely to be recorded doing something someone somewhere on the largest stage in the world (the public web) that someone will disapprove of" -> is this a concern for many men? It's never crossed my mind or been a problem for anyone I've known. "they never have to break the ice and talk to those around them in the breakroom or geographical space" -> I've always talked to people at work and als…

> is this a concern for many men? It's never crossed my mind or been a problem for anyone I've known

Yes, I talk to an older guy, probably mid-50s, at my gym. He completely stopped helping women at the gym or even giving advise. To my knowledge, no one ever accused him of anything, but he acknowledge that he absolutely have no experience talking to or otherwise interacting with younger women. He is terrified of doing or saying something wrong and lose access to the only gym in town, so he simply avoided women at the gym. He helps out the men, young and old, just not women.

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