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I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

wave3.social

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Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#321

Post by groestl »

imjustaghost wrote: post #220
bluefirebrand wrote: post #153

Earlier quoted context omitted.

They need to be male only spaces because introducing women to the space fundamentally changes the social dynamic among the men, especially the single men I have seen this ever since the moment me and my friends hit puberty in high school, to this very day. When a group of men is hanging out they are more relaxed. The moment a woman is in the space the vibe changes I cannot be the only person who has noticed this

This is a good point. I am a married man. As a woman, my wife cannot give me guy time - hence I love to hang out with my friends (who are all guys) - and I cannot give her girl time - hence she loves to hang out with her friends (who are all girls). The only women I am happy to be friendly with are colleagues (in a professional manner), family and ladies that my wife and I are friends with. A lot of people baulk at t…

I'm sure it's common, but I've always hung around in mixed groups, doing whatever, so I'm puzzled and curious what guy time or girl time even is.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#322

Post by sokoloff »

johnb231 wrote: post #237
ToucanLoucan wrote: post #126

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why do they need to be male-only to solve the male loneliness epidemic? Why can't men socialize in public spaces in a way that isn't offensive to others? I say this as a former dude who has spent the vast, vast, vast majority of my life as a man, socializing with men and not-men, in public. I have never had a single issue.

They don't, and no one is stopping you from opening a gender neutral club. > offensive to others Sound like you have issues. It's a club. They meet up to play board games. Maybe you could start a club of people who are offended by everything.

Those clubs already exist: they’re often called HOAs.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#323

Post by wkat4242 »

nothercastle wrote: post #150
wkat4242 wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

1) Real friends certainly let you be real. And the scene I frequent deeply frowns on unconsensual photography. Most of the events I go to they sticker all the cameras. I love that. I go there for the people not for Instagram. That's not to say nobody takes pics but they do it in a quiet corner so they don't catch anyone by mistake. It makes it very respectful. The stickers are just a reminder so you don't just start…

Where do you go where they sticker cameras. Seems like my kind of place.

Like te_chris says, they're the more expressive parties. The "embrace different" ones. Not specifically queer in my case but certainly queer friendly.

Not necessarily as extreme as Berghain mind you. But just places and events where people are encouraged to dress or behave less typical.

Even the cosplay community now has signs to always ask before photographing a cosplayer as they might not want to be photographed without their knowledge.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#324

Post by wkat4242 »

flomo wrote: post #182
bluefirebrand wrote: post #175

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I don't agree. If you choose the right club you don't have to conform and you can just be yourself There is absolutely no such club for many people who are even slightly out of the normal expected range of behavior

Really? Back in my day, there were all sorts of nerd groups, which were often plagued with horrible social dysfunction.[0] People just muddled through. [0] https://plausiblydeniable.com/five-geek-social-fallacies/

At the groups I'm part of the vast majority is neurodivergent but things go really smoothly. We rarely have incidents.

They're not neurodivergent-focused groups but there's just a (much) larger percentage of us attracted to events that stray a bit further from the mainstream.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#325

Post by rsynnott »

subscribed wrote: post #242
jamesdeluk wrote: post #232

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why didn't they start Women's Sheds?

Oh, but why if they're having a functional clubs already? I feel like men only spaces in the UK are frowned upon (see Garrick club narration). No matter the reason, the only way single sex spaces work here is women only.

So there’s at least one type of men’s only space in the UK; some gay club nights are men-only, and enforce this with registration/membership. Was a bit of a culture shock visiting from Ireland, where, as far as I know, this is not a thing (even the most male-oriented club nights _allow_ women, and there’ll usually be one or two; I’ve never known anyone to have a problem with this).

I’m unsure whether there’s a legal issue here (one thing that comes to mind is that I know the UK at least historically had weird laws about what constitutes public sex, so maybe excluding women allows them to legally have darkrooms or something?) or if it’s just cultural.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#326

Post by lambdaphagy »

vineyardmike wrote: post #174
klooney wrote: post #114

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I feel like our culture has a strong anti-golf bias. Now that I'm older, any reason to spend a couple hours outside with my friends sounds amazing.

> I feel like our culture has a strong anti-golf bias Golf, generally, is pretty expensive. It's like minimum $50 for an outing, you need equipment, correct clothes, etc. Some places require membership, often priced intentionally exclusively. It's pretty natural for something exclusionary to get a negative cultural bias. Oh, and it is a terrible resource hog. You can't fit many people on a golf course at any given ti…

Japanese tea gardens are pretty artificial and manicured, and they’re awesome. It’s great to have undespoiled natural beauty, and it’s also cool to see what people can do with a landscape.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#327

Post by rsynnott »

sandspar wrote: post #84
solraph wrote: post #68

I like the idea in general principle - but if I lived in the right city/country, and didn't already have something similar, my first thought based on the landing page pictures would be; "This is only for white guys in their twenties." I don't know if that's intentional, but if I was in the location target market, I'd close the tab at that point.

This comment inadvertently reveals why clubs like this can't exist: there's always someone counting races and genders in photos. High functioning male social clubs generally have implicit rules, like "straight-acting gay guys are fine but don't make it weird" or "no weird lefties". But you can't have those rules anymore. So "male social clubs" get overrun with board game types who are OK with accepting everyone. Whic…

[flagged]

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#328

Post by philipallstar »

notarobot123 wrote: post #283
JimDabell wrote: post #181

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s not always location-agnostic, but you’re more likely to hear about location-agnostic efforts because they have further reach. For instance Men’s Sheds are a local effort with a thousand locations in the UK: > Men’s Sheds encourage people to come together to make, repair and repurpose, supporting projects in their local communities. Improving wellbeing, reducing loneliness and combatting social isolation. > Resea…

The men are there to meet each other, not to avoid women. Gender segregation isn't the point - it's about building relationships.

> The men are there to meet each other, not to avoid women. Gender segregation isn't the point - it's about building relationships.

I'm not sure that's quite true. Men tend to talk and joke in a different way to women, which they then modify around women or be punished. The main difference between an old-school Personnel department and a modern HR department is HR is (self-)tasked with making sure the environment is always suitable for women.

Men have very few places, if any, where they can just be themselves, unmodified. And when those places exist, large shaming campaigns and marketing appear to tell them off and to entice women into them.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#329

Post by card_zero »

immibis wrote: post #295
bluefirebrand wrote: post #199

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Like I'm being a bit of a contrarian dick This is the only thing you've said that I agree with > If you lose the ability to be a normal person What is normal for a group of men is different than what is normal for the same group of men when a woman is present It's not rocket science here.

Why? And why gender, but not race?

Yes, what is this vibe change? So far I'm picking up:

* Single men don't feel compelled to be horndogs and show off and compete.

* Married men are tired of always doing everything with their wives.

* Possible gay interest?

* Something about model trains, apparently women ruin model trains?

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#330

Post by margalabargala »

bluefirebrand wrote: post #199
ToucanLoucan wrote: post #165

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

> Like I'm being a bit of a contrarian dick This is the only thing you've said that I agree with > If you lose the ability to be a normal person What is normal for a group of men is different than what is normal for the same group of men when a woman is present It's not rocket science here.

The person you're replying to seems to have constructed this elaborate scenario in their head where they're "one of the good ones" and is somewhere between unwilling and incapable of imagining men wanting to spend time with just other men some of the time. Apparently someone wanting this must be lonely, incapable of socializing with women, and offensive to others as a default.

This says a lot about that person, that they can't imagine men socializing any other way. I think they're making excuses for their own bad behavior.

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