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I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

wave3.social

291–300 of 728 posts

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#291

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> There's no reason women can't have something like this for themselves too you know. Women do have things like this. There are tons of female exclusive events and spaces in society still Men aren't allowed to have male-only gyms but women do That's only one example

> Men aren't allowed to have male-only gyms but women do Is that legally true? AFAICT, nobodies opening male-only gyms because there's no demand for them.

You can have a private club with gym equipment that is exclusively for men. But when you're a business open to the public you cannot discriminate based on certain characteristics. Bob's Burgers can't sell just to men. But Bob's Boys Club that happens to have a kitchen which sells burgers to its "private" membership can absolutely keep women out.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#292

Sometimes I wish we could have "gentlemen's clubs" of the sort that existed in Victorian Britain (not the US strip club version), third-spaces where one could go to read or converse or play cards with other men or even have a meal or a drink. Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today.

I think any modern version would need to be way more inclusive and not just in terms of gender, but also class and background. The old-school gentlemen's clubs had a pretty narrow membership by design

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#293
post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today. You just described a country club, right down to the innate classism and exclusivity rules.

Are male only country clubs legal?

Of course, there are also women only gyms/fitness clubs.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#294
I'm the guy that talks to lonely bus drivers. I don't know how it happens, but it does.

I'm also the person a lot of old - and not-that-old - ladies will suddenly speak to at the bus stop. The weather, the waiting time, or whatever other subject that comes up. Again, I don't know why me.

There's also other situations lone strangers -shopping, the park, whatever- will start talking to me. I do try to pet dogs sometimes and that sometimes leads to people talking to me but I'd say that's less surprising so it doesn't count. Once, years ago, a guy just greeted me when coming out from the subway and I was a bit confused because I didn't recognise him. So I asked and he told me that no, we hadn't met; we just passed each other sometimes when going in/out of the subway so he thought it would be nice to greet me. I smiled and appreciated the gesture. After that sometimes we would greet or at least nod. It didn't go further than that and after a while our schedules probably shifted a bit but it was a nice thing. Strangers you see routinely. It seems polite to greet them. And nice, a gentle gesture.

My impression is that there are many, and many of them crave just being able to talk to someone for a little while. Sometimes, particularly older ones, mainly ramble almost uncontrollably. They need to talk. In a way it used to break my heart seeing that. Now I don't think much about it, it's ok; I just talk for a few minutes and smile, because smiling is nice and they smile back and it's warm.

I don't initiate such conversations but I reckon I may somehow propitiate them by looking or nodding/greeting politely or something. Maybe it's that. But I've never been an extrovert and often I'm wearing headphones and have to take them off when they start because I didn't hear them at first. So, it's not like I'm particularly approachable, I'd say. Not handsome but neither ugly -I hope-. For a while I was a bit overweight. Now I'm clearly underweight but I don't think it shows so much that anyone would think I'm sick or dying or anything. I dress quite normal, have an about 1-1.5 inch beard, and in general I'd say nothing in my appearance particularly says "talk to me". But people often do. shrug

In any case it feels nice seeing those people smile for a while. Particularly those older people that tell you about some mundane stuff that means a bit to them. Sometimes their stories carry the implications of some children or grandchildren they don't see too often and miss. Sometimes it's much more personal, health issues or other problems; and it still surprises me a bit how candid people can be with personal stuff. Other times it's just literally whatever, small things in their lives like the groceries they just bought or are going for or really anything. There was this nice old lady I used to see catch the bus to avoid a sloping street. She repeated often the same story about how she was going for bread and "if I see the bus approaching I take it" because the slope often left her quite tired. Once I noticed she'd fallen and bruised her face. She was fine, she said, but it feels nice that someone notices when something happens to you. I rarely go to that bus stop any more, since I now try to walk as much as possible, so I haven't seen her in more than a year. But she was from the neighbourhood so I may pass by her one of these days. Maybe.

I know this may not mean much in their lives but I think it's a nice thing. It may brighten their day even just for a few minutes. Or maybe I'm one of the few people at all they talk to that day. Who knows. It may make a difference. Most probably not, but anyway...

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#295

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

> Like I'm being a bit of a contrarian dick This is the only thing you've said that I agree with > If you lose the ability to be a normal person What is normal for a group of men is different than what is normal for the same group of men when a woman is present It's not rocket science here.

Why?

And why gender, but not race?

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#296
post #282
post #261

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

I dunno, I try not to be evil, but I slapstick flipped into a leftist circular firing squad back in my college days. Back then we could all just say fuck you too, and move on with life with no long-term consequences. The truth is there's a lot of mini-cults and other groups who want to recruit and then exclude people.

And why do you want to be part of such a group?

My approach is: If some group doesn't want me in their midst because we are weird in too different ways, then the feeling is mutual and I move on.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#299
I've never felt more connected to people than in NYC. I knew my neighbors, I had a huge social network, I just didn't like the NYC that much.

I honestly blame residential zoning. The place we would get to know our neighbors was at the corner shop, bar a block away, salon and pizza shop downstairs. All that goes away when you're walking more than a couple blocks to do anything.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#300

Sometimes I wish we could have "gentlemen's clubs" of the sort that existed in Victorian Britain (not the US strip club version), third-spaces where one could go to read or converse or play cards with other men or even have a meal or a drink. Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today.

Start one! I personally love this concept:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_kkryT4nOwA - Michigan Automotive Relic Society

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