car centric urban design caused all of this. you don't see this level of male loneliness epidemic in south america or europe.
I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
311–320 of 728 posts
Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
#312Earlier quoted context omitted.
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It's broadly true though. It doesn't apply to all of us but as a group it's a thing. Personally it's not for me, I'm a heterosexual male but I get on far better with women and find men's spaces intimidating.
I used to feel the same way as you but then I discovered I was wasn't really getting on well in female dominated groups after-all. It's all smiles and pleasantries on the surface but you're not one of them and aren't part of their gossip, but can quickly become the subject of it. If they really are trusting you with their gossip and speculations about other members then perhaps you truly can assimilate. There's also talking about sex which women do with each other far more readily than with men.
Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
#313Earlier quoted context omitted.
Why do they need to be male-only to solve the male loneliness epidemic? Why can't men socialize in public spaces in a way that isn't offensive to others? I say this as a former dude who has spent the vast, vast, vast majority of my life as a man, socializing with men and not-men, in public. I have never had a single issue.
They don't, and no one is stopping you from opening a gender neutral club. > offensive to others Sound like you have issues. It's a club. They meet up to play board games. Maybe you could start a club of people who are offended by everything.
That club would have very high comedy and / or soap opera potential.
Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
#314Earlier quoted context omitted.
I dunno, I try not to be evil, but I slapstick flipped into a leftist circular firing squad back in my college days. Back then we could all just say fuck you too, and move on with life with no long-term consequences. The truth is there's a lot of mini-cults and other groups who want to recruit and then exclude people.
And why do you want to be part of such a group? My approach is: If some group doesn't want me in their midst because we are weird in too different ways, then the feeling is mutual and I move on.
Exactly my point, back then they had no influence outside of a tiny social bubble which I didn't really care about. So I could not be 'cancelled'.
Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
#315Earlier quoted context omitted.
It’s not always location-agnostic, but you’re more likely to hear about location-agnostic efforts because they have further reach. For instance Men’s Sheds are a local effort with a thousand locations in the UK: > Men’s Sheds encourage people to come together to make, repair and repurpose, supporting projects in their local communities. Improving wellbeing, reducing loneliness and combatting social isolation. > Resea…
The men are there to meet each other, not to avoid women. Gender segregation isn't the point - it's about building relationships.
They had to be persistently pressured into letting women in, and when that happened they set aside a men-only room to escape to. Gender segregation may not be the point but it seems like it’s important to them.
Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
#316I've never felt more connected to people than in NYC. I knew my neighbors, I had a huge social network, I just didn't like the NYC that much. I honestly blame residential zoning. The place we would get to know our neighbors was at the corner shop, bar a block away, salon and pizza shop downstairs. All that goes away when you're walking more than a couple blocks to do anything.
I always hear stereotypes about people in big cities being unfriendly and there being no sense of community, but I've had the opposite experience. Coming from a town with a population of hundreds, yeah, everyone knew everybody, but the connections people had were decades old. And everyone hated everybody who wasn't already part of their very tight social network (and they hated most of the people in the network as we…
Yea, I loved the relationships in NYC, just not the grind. Everyone was trying to "make it" everything was expensive while at the same time there is garbage juice on the street in 90º heat. I'd go see my friends shows, but never got on the list because they had to get paying customers to get invited back. Tough living, and that's not even saying anything about trying to be a cyclist in the city.
I've lived in SF for the last decade, and I really see a difference. I know it's not that much less urban than Brooklyn or Queens, but it's the zoning. I don't have a convenience store on my block, much less a pizza restaurant or salon. We have a local bar, and have a similar relationship with the folks there as we did in Brooklyn, which is nice, but again, it's hard to get to know the folks in your "commercial zoned district" because everyone is slammed together, and you don't see them every day. Even though I live three blocks away, I'm still a face on the crowd.
There's honestly a big difference between a shop on your street and a shop a few blocks away... because everyone in the neighborhood is a few blocks away.
Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
#317Earlier quoted context omitted.
They need to be male only spaces because introducing women to the space fundamentally changes the social dynamic among the men, especially the single men I have seen this ever since the moment me and my friends hit puberty in high school, to this very day. When a group of men is hanging out they are more relaxed. The moment a woman is in the space the vibe changes I cannot be the only person who has noticed this
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Practically every culture on earth (except ours as of 10 minutes ago) had some sort of place for single-sex bonding, which suggests there’s something important to it. Traditional cultures aren’t incel, to the contrary it’s only in modern cultures that mass-scale failures of relations between the sexes seem to arise.
As for bjj, the scenario of the instructor dating a female student and breaking up the gym in the ensuing fallout is a well-deserved trope by now. There are women at my gym and you can make it work if everyone’s bending over backwards to be professional, but it’s obviously Different.
Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
#318Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Like I'm being a bit of a contrarian dick This is the only thing you've said that I agree with > If you lose the ability to be a normal person What is normal for a group of men is different than what is normal for the same group of men when a woman is present It's not rocket science here.
Why? And why gender, but not race?
Homies that want to smash change to chad mode and suddenly don't want to talk that gay homie shit around the girls. You'd be threatening each other with sloppy toppy, a girl will join and 1-2 guys will instantly turn into businessmen to impress her.
Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
#319Earlier quoted context omitted.
Those clubs still exist in London but they're just for the elite to make shady backroom deals with their rich buddies :) They're really exclusive and they always have been. You and I would not get in, not now and not in the Victorian days. Even 'new money' is usually not ok. You really have to have gone to the right school and have the right family.
The working class used to have working men’s clubs, but they no longer serve the same purpose.
Which new purpose do you allude to?
Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
#320Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Like I'm being a bit of a contrarian dick This is the only thing you've said that I agree with > If you lose the ability to be a normal person What is normal for a group of men is different than what is normal for the same group of men when a woman is present It's not rocket science here.
Why? And why gender, but not race?
Why would race matter in this context? This is clearly about socio-sexual dynamics. Genders are the key differentiator.