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I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

wave3.social

461–470 of 728 posts

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#461
post #451

This idea appears every once in awhile, as it’s obviously a major issue in modern life. The interesting thing though is how the solution is always location-agnostic. By that I mean it’s never really about a specific cafe or restaurant or soccer field, it’s always an app or service that organizes people to show up in various places. I bring this up because if you look at places that had lively social activities a few…

> The neighborhood cafe where locals can stop by at any time and see other locals. The bar that everyone stops by after work twice a week. These are stationary physical locations that don’t require pre-planning, schedules, apps, or anything else. I’ve seen a number a theories on why these spaces declined: 1. Social media became more engaging than actual hangouts. 2. Rising levels of cultural and ethnic diversity lead…

(Similar to 2)

7. A loss of a common religious practice creating a space for community, and in the case of evangelical Christianity a shift to a female driven congregation and preaching.

(Which, ultimately, is very sad for the women in the church, too, because a lot of them want to be married to a Christian man, but struggle to find one if only for a purely supply issue)

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#462

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm sure it's common, but I've always hung around in mixed groups, doing whatever, so I'm puzzled and curious what guy time or girl time even is.

You'll note that most people saying this stuff are being extremely non-specific about what it means. My impression is that a lot of what they want to do would be offensive to lots of guys as well. Essentially they want a space to act in a way that women would feel quite threatened by. Not that mixed groups don't already have that as an issue.

You couldnt be more wrong in your guessing. The answer lies in games all women play with both men and women constantly, never being truly honest with words, expecting men to pick up meaning between lines, predict their emotions and so on and on. We have enough shit in our lives already, no need to add more.

Its frustrating and tiring experience for all men, thus the need to vent out somewhere else where these dynamics dont play out semi constantly.

I am pretty sure women see it similarly in reverse although details in dynamics are very different.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#463
adding one datapoint, maybe it will help the founders deal with an issue. On dating apps that have a friends component I've found a good percentage of the "friends" who connected with me were actually homosexual people hoping I was bi / curious. Could simply be a factor that the feature was grossly underused except by that segment, but addressing the non-negotiability of my preference. Yes they could have potentially been good friends, until they broke that boundary.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#464

This idea appears every once in awhile, as it’s obviously a major issue in modern life. The interesting thing though is how the solution is always location-agnostic. By that I mean it’s never really about a specific cafe or restaurant or soccer field, it’s always an app or service that organizes people to show up in various places. I bring this up because if you look at places that had lively social activities a few…

Yeah, to me this is another arm of that old idea that every few years, someone in Silicon Valley reinvents the bus.

Place-based community is key, and can't be fixed with an app, or a service. Not long-term anyway.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#465

Earlier quoted context omitted.

BSA made the decision to allow girls on their own and it's been fantastic for the program.

You actually think this organization made this decision on their own with no outside pressure, or internal pressure from women? I have a bridge to sell you

The "external pressure" was largely just the pressure of declining membership.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#466
post #127

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This comment inadvertently reveals why clubs like this can't exist: there's always someone counting races and genders in photos. High functioning male social clubs generally have implicit rules, like "straight-acting gay guys are fine but don't make it weird" or "no weird lefties". But you can't have those rules anymore. So "male social clubs" get overrun with board game types who are OK with accepting everyone. Whic…

But high status guys by definition wouldn't be seen dead in clubs like these to begin with. They are socially successful ladder climbers already, that's part and parcel of being high status.

> But high status guys by definition wouldn't be seen dead in clubs like these to begin with.

The problem with joining a club is not that it’s a club but that it’s a club governed by Title IX legislation and the Damoclesian threat of getting cancelled for telling the “It’s too white in here” college liberal that he’s no longer welcome to attend.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#467

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why? And why gender, but not race?

Why would race matter in this context? This is clearly about socio-sexual dynamics. Genders are the key differentiator.

Why aren't there also socio-racial dynamics?

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#468
post #19

My mother, somewhere around 1976, told me that basically when men get married, they lose all their friends. But they get all their wife’s friends. Which seems prescient to me. Including their husbands, obviously.

I think most men do not maintain friendships unless there is some outside circumstances that keeps them in touch. School, work, church, clubs, or even just being neighbors. Without exception the people who were my closest friends in high school didn't really keep in touch when we all went off to college. The friendships I made in college did not persist after graduation. There's a guy at work I had lunch with almost…

I agree and relate to this. Friend take work to maintain.

The friends that persist beyond what you describe are because we invent some shared project to work on together. Really doesn’t matter what it is.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#469
post #402

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why does the presence of women cause men to not have male friends?

Women tend to behave very differently in all-female group compared to when even a single man is present. And if that man is charismatic or handsome its completely different dynamics and resulting behavior again. Never thought about it myself but one female friend mentioned this once (how toxic their work environment becomes when there is no man), so started noticing it around. As a married man I can understand these…

In my experience (as a man) men tend to behave quite differently when there’s no women present too.

Generally I much prefer mixed gender socialising!

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#470

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You actually think this organization made this decision on their own with no outside pressure, or internal pressure from women? I have a bridge to sell you

The "external pressure" was largely just the pressure of declining membership.

What pressure led to declining membership?

Did it have anything to do with "Boy Scouts is a sexist organization" narratives?

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