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I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

wave3.social

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Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#431

Post by nathan_compton »

philipallstar wrote: post #328
notarobot123 wrote: post #283

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The men are there to meet each other, not to avoid women. Gender segregation isn't the point - it's about building relationships.

> The men are there to meet each other, not to avoid women. Gender segregation isn't the point - it's about building relationships. I'm not sure that's quite true. Men tend to talk and joke in a different way to women, which they then modify around women or be punished. The main difference between an old-school Personnel department and a modern HR department is HR is (self-)tasked with making sure the environment is…

No one is ever themselves, unmodified, when around other people. There are jokes and attitudes that are unacceptable in stereotypical masculine social situations too (having a feminine interest, for example, or simply speaking in the wrong way).

The Overton Window moves. It narrows and widens. That isn't the same as being unable to be yourself.

I agree that men should be socially allowed to have spaces where women are excluded and society does sort of tend to look down on that kind of thing, but I also think that in a world where many professional environments are still male dominated some sensitivity to the exclusion of women is warranted.

I mean plenty of jobs out there are still 95% or more occupied by men only.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#432

Post by doom2 »

frankmatranga wrote: post #7

As a recent grad in upstate New York, this exact problem of college friendships atrophying has been on my mind nonstop. My girlfriend and I host monthly cocktail parties in an attempt to stem the tide and even make new friends, but I’ve definitely been looking for male-focused groups. I’m interested!

I didn't stick around the Capital Region too long after college but I actually found the Troy community to be incredibly engaging. Maybe it was a function of time and place, but I got into cycling groups, community arts orgs, and volunteerism. It helped that I made friends in college who were already plugged into the local community.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#433

Post by degamad »

meheleventyone wrote: post #380
nkrisc wrote: post #365

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sometimes men just want to hang out with other men. I’m a straight man who usually gets along better with women than men, but I still also like spending time with just other men as well. It’s just different. I have no doubt that my presence in a group of women changes the dynamic. There needs to be some place men can just spend time with other men. Yes, it’s a problem if those men only places become important to busi…

> There needs to be some place men can just spend time with other men. This is literally anytime, anywhere though. Do just not meet up with their friends? You can go to dinner, get drinks, go hiking, play sports, bike, ski, sunbathe, play videogames and many more things in single-sex groups without raising an eyebrow. The real classic for men of a certain persuasion from a western cultural POV is golf right? I think…

> Do just not meet up with their friends?

What friends?

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#434

Post by FirmwareBurner »

kgwxd wrote: post #406
philipallstar wrote: post #328

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> The men are there to meet each other, not to avoid women. Gender segregation isn't the point - it's about building relationships. I'm not sure that's quite true. Men tend to talk and joke in a different way to women, which they then modify around women or be punished. The main difference between an old-school Personnel department and a modern HR department is HR is (self-)tasked with making sure the environment is…

[flagged]

That's the attitude that gets you in trouble with HR in corporate America.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#435

Post by steveBK123 »

SiempreViernes wrote: post #391
xandrius wrote: post #375

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree with the post, if the genders were reversed, people wouldn't generally feel this open about it.

That's because the genders aren't valued equally by society, so they don't permute. Once gender equality is established they could switched and the statements would be equivalent.

I dunno, generationally we may be correcting a problem that will soon no longer exist, or even invert.

Women are attending and graduating college in higher numbers than men in GenZ. Much of the man-o-sphere GenZ rightward turn seems to be resentment at society being sure what the use of men is anymore.

That is, from a very young age girls are told they can do/be whatever they want. Often now, boys are described in terms of what they can't/shouldn't be, or in how their very gender gives them a sort of ancestral debt of shame for wrongs done by the men of previous generations.

You'll hear left wing progressive parents in places like NYC tell stories like "my 8 year old boy came home from school crying because his teacher told hime everything bad that has happened in history was because of men" and stupid stuff that's unthinkable if it was reversed.

Men by and large are still expected by society to be the provider, and shamed if they aren't. Women generally won't "date/marry down" anymore than they ever did. But women are now achieving higher educational attainment than men. It's a setup for future societal disfunction, so I do think we do need to solve the male part of the equation after spending the last 50 years raising women up.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#436

Post by nanna »

Man here. Female friends key to my not feeling lonely. Couldn't identify less with men who only see hanging out with men as key to not feeling lonely, which is what this app seems to offer. Seems like the target market for this is lonely lads, when lad culture is driving male loneliness. But hey, I guess some men, even in the West where this app is targeted, really just feel uncomfortable making friends who are women. Open yourself up, lads.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#437

Post by potato3732842 »

watwut wrote: post #404
immibis wrote: post #289

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why does the presence of women cause men to not have male friends?

[flagged]

>Cant bond by insulting women.

Can't bond without insulting women. There's a very important difference.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#438

Post by Loughla »

nye2k wrote: post #361

The problem to solve is that these clubs exist already with low membership. Join a local Masonic lodge, or other local social org if you want to meet men you will learn from. Boy Scouts, DeMolay and other boys youth orgs got their start in the 1910’s, joined by young men without fathers who were lonely due to their life situations. Many just need someone to take their hand and show them how to break the ice.

I joined the Lions about three years ago. Our local chapter was defunct, so I got it going again.

Now we have about 40 members (for a town of 500, that's pretty damn good).

We get together to do volunteer and fund raising events. But mostly we meet twice a month to eat supper and bullshit/play cards/pool/darts.

It's awesome.

I think we're going to bring back the formal dances they used to have in the 40's-60's. I think that would be fun.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#439

Post by bluefirebrand »

compass_copium wrote: post #369
dwighttk wrote: post #360

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your impression is mistaken. E.g. Girl Scouts: allowed to be girls only Boy Scouts: now “Scouting” because girls are allowed My intramural sports in college had coed and women only teams

BSA made the decision to allow girls on their own and it's been fantastic for the program.

You actually think this organization made this decision on their own with no outside pressure, or internal pressure from women?

I have a bridge to sell you

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#440

Post by meheleventyone »

degamad wrote: post #433
meheleventyone wrote: post #380

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> There needs to be some place men can just spend time with other men. This is literally anytime, anywhere though. Do just not meet up with their friends? You can go to dinner, get drinks, go hiking, play sports, bike, ski, sunbathe, play videogames and many more things in single-sex groups without raising an eyebrow. The real classic for men of a certain persuasion from a western cultural POV is golf right? I think…

> Do just not meet up with their friends? What friends?

Well that's a different issue. Are we really saying men can only make friends in single-sex environments because I think that is trivially untrue?
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