I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic • Hacker News Board

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#371

Post by ctippett » Fri, May 30, 2025, 10:06 AM UTC

JimDabell wrote: post #181

keiferski wrote: post #173

This idea appears every once in awhile, as it’s obviously a major issue in modern life. The interesting thing though is how the solution is always location-agnostic. By that I mean it’s never really about a specific cafe or restaurant or soccer field, it’s always an app or service that organizes people to show up in various places. I bring this up because if you look at places that had lively social activities a few…

It’s not always location-agnostic, but you’re more likely to hear about location-agnostic efforts because they have further reach. For instance Men’s Sheds are a local effort with a thousand locations in the UK: > Men’s Sheds encourage people to come together to make, repair and repurpose, supporting projects in their local communities. Improving wellbeing, reducing loneliness and combatting social isolation. > Resea…

I had never heard of Men's Sheds before. Thank you for mentioning it.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#372

Post by elevatortrim » Fri, May 30, 2025, 10:11 AM UTC

cultofmetatron wrote: post #311

car centric urban design caused all of this. you don't see this level of male loneliness epidemic in south america or europe.

I tend to disagree as European male. We are very lonely too in our walkable cities.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#373

Post by phrotoma » Fri, May 30, 2025, 10:13 AM UTC

bagful wrote: post #355

[flagged]

As is the case with everything, I'm certain it's more complicated than this, but I believe you've hit on a huge factor. I would encourage anyone who is interested in this (or skeptical of it!) to check out the work of Niobe Way, a psychologist who has been researching the social lives of adolescent boys for a couple decades. I would crudely summarize a key finding of her research as roughly: around 12-14 yrs of age boys stop saying things like "I love my best friend" and start saying things like "I'm not gay" and "I wish I was a girl so I could have feelings".

I'm sad to say that last one is a direct quote. Hug your bros gentlemen.

https://www.niobe-way.com/

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#374

Post by meheleventyone » Fri, May 30, 2025, 10:13 AM UTC

groestl wrote: post #321

imjustaghost wrote: post #220

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is a good point. I am a married man. As a woman, my wife cannot give me guy time - hence I love to hang out with my friends (who are all guys) - and I cannot give her girl time - hence she loves to hang out with her friends (who are all girls). The only women I am happy to be friendly with are colleagues (in a professional manner), family and ladies that my wife and I are friends with. A lot of people baulk at t…

I'm sure it's common, but I've always hung around in mixed groups, doing whatever, so I'm puzzled and curious what guy time or girl time even is.

You'll note that most people saying this stuff are being extremely non-specific about what it means. My impression is that a lot of what they want to do would be offensive to lots of guys as well. Essentially they want a space to act in a way that women would feel quite threatened by. Not that mixed groups don't already have that as an issue.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#375

Post by xandrius » Fri, May 30, 2025, 10:14 AM UTC

bcraven wrote: post #252

JimDabell wrote: post #181

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s not always location-agnostic, but you’re more likely to hear about location-agnostic efforts because they have further reach. For instance Men’s Sheds are a local effort with a thousand locations in the UK: > Men’s Sheds encourage people to come together to make, repair and repurpose, supporting projects in their local communities. Improving wellbeing, reducing loneliness and combatting social isolation. > Resea…

You have selectively quoted that article. Note the last four paragraphs are: >Andrew McNerney, 70, admitted there was initially some resistance to becoming a mixed group. >He said: "There was apprehension, but in all honesty, it's turned out well. >"We [the men] escape now and again [to the quiet room] and have a chat and weigh things up." >But he added: "It's a lovely atmosphere, and it's been good."

I agree with the post, if the genders were reversed, people wouldn't generally feel this open about it.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#376

Post by nappy-doo » Fri, May 30, 2025, 10:14 AM UTC

nye2k wrote: post #361

The problem to solve is that these clubs exist already with low membership. Join a local Masonic lodge, or other local social org if you want to meet men you will learn from. Boy Scouts, DeMolay and other boys youth orgs got their start in the 1910’s, joined by young men without fathers who were lonely due to their life situations. Many just need someone to take their hand and show them how to break the ice.

Masons and the Scottish Rite (and even the Boy Scouts and DeMolay to some extent) have religious components that exclude people like me.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#377

Post by xandrius » Fri, May 30, 2025, 10:16 AM UTC

notarobot123 wrote: post #283

JimDabell wrote: post #181

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It’s not always location-agnostic, but you’re more likely to hear about location-agnostic efforts because they have further reach. For instance Men’s Sheds are a local effort with a thousand locations in the UK: > Men’s Sheds encourage people to come together to make, repair and repurpose, supporting projects in their local communities. Improving wellbeing, reducing loneliness and combatting social isolation. > Resea…

The men are there to meet each other, not to avoid women. Gender segregation isn't the point - it's about building relationships.

Then why women segregate themselves in groups? I'm not saying I'm pro gender segregation but if women can have their own gender segregated groups, why men should be treated differently?

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#378

Post by baq » Fri, May 30, 2025, 10:16 AM UTC

PaulDavisThe1st wrote: post #212

bluefirebrand wrote: post #153

Earlier quoted context omitted.

They need to be male only spaces because introducing women to the space fundamentally changes the social dynamic among the men, especially the single men I have seen this ever since the moment me and my friends hit puberty in high school, to this very day. When a group of men is hanging out they are more relaxed. The moment a woman is in the space the vibe changes I cannot be the only person who has noticed this

[flagged]

Yes, is that bad?

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#379

Post by msgodel » Fri, May 30, 2025, 10:18 AM UTC

keiferski wrote: post #173

This idea appears every once in awhile, as it’s obviously a major issue in modern life. The interesting thing though is how the solution is always location-agnostic. By that I mean it’s never really about a specific cafe or restaurant or soccer field, it’s always an app or service that organizes people to show up in various places. I bring this up because if you look at places that had lively social activities a few…

Many of us are alone and not lonely and I think most men who feel "lonely" are lying to themselves about what socialization really is.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#380

Post by meheleventyone » Fri, May 30, 2025, 10:22 AM UTC

nkrisc wrote: post #365

ToucanLoucan wrote: post #126

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why do they need to be male-only to solve the male loneliness epidemic? Why can't men socialize in public spaces in a way that isn't offensive to others? I say this as a former dude who has spent the vast, vast, vast majority of my life as a man, socializing with men and not-men, in public. I have never had a single issue.

Sometimes men just want to hang out with other men. I’m a straight man who usually gets along better with women than men, but I still also like spending time with just other men as well. It’s just different. I have no doubt that my presence in a group of women changes the dynamic. There needs to be some place men can just spend time with other men. Yes, it’s a problem if those men only places become important to busi…

> There needs to be some place men can just spend time with other men.

This is literally anytime, anywhere though. Do just not meet up with their friends? You can go to dinner, get drinks, go hiking, play sports, bike, ski, sunbathe, play videogames and many more things in single-sex groups without raising an eyebrow. The real classic for men of a certain persuasion from a western cultural POV is golf right?

I think there's some strange cultural hangup I'm missing where the entire place needs to be single-sex.