Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

wave3.social

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

121–130 of 728 posts

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#121

Post by wkat4242 »

worthless-trash wrote: post #103
wkat4242 wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

1) Real friends certainly let you be real. And the scene I frequent deeply frowns on unconsensual photography. Most of the events I go to they sticker all the cameras. I love that. I go there for the people not for Instagram. That's not to say nobody takes pics but they do it in a quiet corner so they don't catch anyone by mistake. It makes it very respectful. The stickers are just a reminder so you don't just start…

> In a big city you can really be yourself because there's always others that > are like you and you can meet them in like-minded places. > And you can make real ties there. This is a massive assumption, but maybe 'yourself' is limited to a standard deviation from the accepted mean.

Well yes of course there's a maximum deviation. If you're too different you won't fit in. Not a bad thing because then there's no real point in being there anyway.

That's why you have to pick the communities you engage in so you fit. You don't have to change yourself but you pick the community to suit.

It's not an assumption though. I live in a city of millions and I'm in some communities of only hundreds of people. Which thrive and even have their own places. That's the nice thing, in a city it's easy to have enough scale even to make niche communities thrive.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#122

Post by SoftTalker »

ecshafer wrote: post #13

I think this is a good idea but I think to get it really going good you need to have a social club. The old ethnic, religious an society social clubs all had a common factor of a club house. You could go to the American Legion, or Elks, or Masons, or Knights of columbus or Polish club or whatever at any time when you were a member you had old timers hanging out and doing things regularly. Youe event schedule will als…

> American Legion, or Elks, or Masons, or Knights of columbus ...

Those all still exist, right? Or did they die off with the WWII generation?

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#123

Post by [deleted] »

rchaud wrote: post #104
BurningFrog wrote: post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are male only country clubs legal?

No, but just like everywhere else, you can engineer a byzantine set of hoops to jump through so that the only people who "qualify" end up being the "preferred" sort of clientele.

[deleted]

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#124

Post by erikerikson »

Telemakhos wrote: post #16

Sometimes I wish we could have "gentlemen's clubs" of the sort that existed in Victorian Britain (not the US strip club version), third-spaces where one could go to read or converse or play cards with other men or even have a meal or a drink. Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today.

Cognitive habit problems aside, this is one of the primary provisions of churches/temples/et cetera. Frequently featuring gender divided activities.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#125

Post by pomian »

Telemakhos wrote: post #16

Sometimes I wish we could have "gentlemen's clubs" of the sort that existed in Victorian Britain (not the US strip club version), third-spaces where one could go to read or converse or play cards with other men or even have a meal or a drink. Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today.

I think you should start one!

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#126

Post by ToucanLoucan »

BurningFrog wrote: post #87
rchaud wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today. You just described a country club, right down to the innate classism and exclusivity rules.

Are male only country clubs legal?

Why do they need to be male-only to solve the male loneliness epidemic? Why can't men socialize in public spaces in a way that isn't offensive to others?

I say this as a former dude who has spent the vast, vast, vast majority of my life as a man, socializing with men and not-men, in public. I have never had a single issue.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#127

Post by rchaud »

sandspar wrote: post #84
solraph wrote: post #68

I like the idea in general principle - but if I lived in the right city/country, and didn't already have something similar, my first thought based on the landing page pictures would be; "This is only for white guys in their twenties." I don't know if that's intentional, but if I was in the location target market, I'd close the tab at that point.

This comment inadvertently reveals why clubs like this can't exist: there's always someone counting races and genders in photos. High functioning male social clubs generally have implicit rules, like "straight-acting gay guys are fine but don't make it weird" or "no weird lefties". But you can't have those rules anymore. So "male social clubs" get overrun with board game types who are OK with accepting everyone. Whic…

But high status guys by definition wouldn't be seen dead in clubs like these to begin with. They are socially successful ladder climbers already, that's part and parcel of being high status.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#128

Post by krisboyz781 »

ToucanLoucan wrote: post #126
BurningFrog wrote: post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are male only country clubs legal?

Why do they need to be male-only to solve the male loneliness epidemic? Why can't men socialize in public spaces in a way that isn't offensive to others? I say this as a former dude who has spent the vast, vast, vast majority of my life as a man, socializing with men and not-men, in public. I have never had a single issue.

Same reason why women like having women spaces. There certain experiences exclusive to being a male.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#129

Post by lambdaphagy »

rchaud wrote: post #111
lambdaphagy wrote: post #95

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What's classist about having behavioral rules?

What sort of behaviors are you referring to?

I wasn’t the one referring to behaviors.

But I bet a social club that rigorously enforced the rules of Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood would be more popular than anything goes.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#130

Post by dcsan »

aspenmayer wrote: post #109
Animats wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There's the Mechanics Institute Library in San Francisco. I used to be a member. If you want to see people sitting around in wing-backed chairs, half asleep, that's the place to go. It's quite a good library, too.

Back in the day I would just go to Noisebridge and see what others were working on. Is that place still worth going to today? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Noisebridge

they had to move off mission around the corner to a backstreet, so there are less mission vagrant rogues trying to sneak in now, and still the hardcore of interesting people.

when i first moved back to the city from overseas, noisebridge was an awesome third place to hang out and hack on stuff while meeting regulars.

Post reply on HN