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I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

wave3.social

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Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#91

Post by trgn »

nswizzle31 wrote: post #5
allears wrote: post #3

As Groucho said, I don't want to belong to any club that would have me as a member. Here's the thing -- by making it a 'club', and making prospective 'members' pass muster, you're just replicating HR at a big corporation. Friendship isn't so much about matching activities and interests as it is about finding someone whose sense of humor matches yours, or going through the same experience together. No matter how lonel…

Interesting! All of my best friends came from going through the same experience together. Totally agree on that. But that experience was high school or college. What experience can adult men (25+) go through that is enough to build a lasting friendship? That consistent, shared experience what I'm trying to build. But I can appreciate the feedback that it comes across as "auditioning" as that's not the point. The goal…

I host a meetup for telecommuters for the same reasons you're starting this up.

Given it's Meetup, there's no "auditioning". The hardest part of that is that the demographic is so enormously wide wrt age, gender, cultural and educational background, profession... it's tough for real connections to grow for people just expecting to drop in just once. But come/host consistently, and eventually clumps of people do start to gel. So you're right, consistency is key.

Also - the more simple we keep it, happy hour, dinner, the more people seem to enjoy it. Honestly, it's just an excuse to leave the house and booze at this point.

I'm thinking "auditioning" may not be a bad thing if you want to avoid some of the dragnet effects of just being open like Meetup. Explicitly going for the yuppie crowd is just a hard thing to advertise on an open platform. ie. nobody's going to show up at the "26 to 38 creatives and dev adjacent telecommuters that live in the cool neighborhood, doctors allowed if they leave their attitudes at home"-Meetup, although that was I was originally hoping for. But on closed platform you'll be able to curate better.

Good luck dude!

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#92

Post by rchaud »

ramoz wrote: post #39
throwanem wrote: post #26

Homepage leaves me asking why this website wasn't a Meetup group for AI-generated stock photos. What's to resonate? I hate to have to be the one to say it, but speaking from my mid-forties, what you are experiencing is called "entering your 30s." If you try to sell "fix loneliness" to a "not committed yet to growing TF up" market you're cooked. Ironically, I'm probably pretty close to who you think you want to hear f…

15 years ago it wasn't the norm to spend all day at a desk in your home. Especially after a rapid induction to isolated living over a ~2year period; during the midst of cultural revolutions that pitted most young men in these forums in the bottom of the social barrel.

15 years ago is 2010, socially inept men were absolutely spending time alone at home. They had videogames, internet and MMA/wrestling back then too.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#94

Post by Slava_Propanei »

BurningFrog wrote: post #87
rchaud wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today. You just described a country club, right down to the innate classism and exclusivity rules.

Are male only country clubs legal?

[dead]

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#95

Post by lambdaphagy »

skort wrote: post #81
Telemakhos wrote: post #16

Sometimes I wish we could have "gentlemen's clubs" of the sort that existed in Victorian Britain (not the US strip club version), third-spaces where one could go to read or converse or play cards with other men or even have a meal or a drink. Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today.

How about just more third-spaces without the classist gatekeeping?

What's classist about having behavioral rules?

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#96

Post by BurningFrog »

entropie wrote: post #20
Multicomp wrote: post #2

The lack of deep friendships feel like a 3-fold problem. 1. You can't ever be real, if you are real, you are likely to be recorded doing something someone somewhere on the largest stage in the world (the public web) that someone will disapprove of, and someone else will raise their own profile by mining your impiety to prove their own concern and moral superiority. 2. Everyone is so mobile and connected online, they…

Your points are valid, but this I do not understand: > Not to mention testosterone levels dropping Why should declining testosterone levels prevent men from socializing and making friends? Logically, it should be the other way around, right?

Increased testosterone increases confidence, motivation, goal-oriented behavior, risk-taking and social assertiveness.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#97

Post by sandspar »

wkat4242 wrote: post #90
sandspar wrote: post #84

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This comment inadvertently reveals why clubs like this can't exist: there's always someone counting races and genders in photos. High functioning male social clubs generally have implicit rules, like "straight-acting gay guys are fine but don't make it weird" or "no weird lefties". But you can't have those rules anymore. So "male social clubs" get overrun with board game types who are OK with accepting everyone. Whic…

> High functioning male social clubs generally have implicit rules, like "straight acting gay guys are fine but don't make it weird" or "no weird lefties". I think that whole conformation thing is why they don't work. Nobody wants to hang out with people pretending to be someone else so they fit in. Any social connection you make is then fake too. > Which means high status guys, the kind of guys who are trend setters…

Huh? "Conformist" is the most common type of person on Earth and conformists prefer hanging out with conformists. Social clubs are entirely a conformist phenomena, almost by definition. All those Elk clubs and bowling clubs and so on were chock full of conformists.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#98

Post by nprateem »

throwanem wrote: post #65
nswizzle31 wrote: post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think the concept clearly resonates with people. There is an article every week NYT, etc about how like most men have at most one friend. It seems you think the execution is off, which I wouldn't disagree on. Happy to hear what you have to say - email is in my bio - although I doubt we'd have a meaningful conversation if you write me off as trying to sell something instead of taking the more gracious interpretation…

It isn't a question of grace, or of motivation. If you understood the problem you purport to seek to solve, you wouldn't need telling that a doomed attempt to recreate an unrecreateable social and personal milieu isn't going to do that, and it will probably fail pretty quickly absent an unsustainable burn rate, as people discover that what's bringing them apart - as their family and professional responsibilities mult…

Lol. I'm sure they'll be gutted you won't be joining.

I know plenty of single guys who'd like this sort of club.

This definitely emphasises the importance of the filter event...

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#99

Post by emseetech »

ks2048 wrote: post #85
emseetech wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I recommend everyone watch the series Lodge 49. It's free to watch with ads now. Not only is a great show that touches on relationships and loneliness and modern alienation with a touch of magical realism and esoterica and alchemy but it focuses on a fraternal (in name only, women are members) order that your grandfather might have been a member of but have disappeared due to rising individualism, rising rents and di…

> It's free to watch with ads now. Where? I searched and didn't see any where free.

My mistake, I thought it was on Sling Freestream but it's on premium only.

Worth the $6.99 for AMC though.

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