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I’ve been single all my life

lukasrosenstock.net

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Re: I’ve been single all my life

#101

Post by [deleted] »

all2 wrote: post #56
nvarsj wrote: post #19

I guess I've been a "volcel" for almost 4 years now after an almost 20 year relationship. I have pretty mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I get lonely, intensely lonely at times. And I miss the companionship I had (before it got awful.) On the other hand, I have so much time now to just focus on myself and my kids and my career and hobbies and my mental well being. I've increased my income a lot in the last y…

> On the one hand, I get lonely, intensely lonely at times. And I miss the companionship I had (before it got awful.) I know the feeling, though perhaps not so deeply. My LTR was only 7 years. > Dating seems dire these days as well. Depending on your religious moors, you might consider hitting some conservative churches.

[deleted]

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#102

Post by [deleted] »

GalenErso wrote: post #18

You're not alone (pun intended). Record numbers of Americans, men and women alike, are single. > Nearly 118 million Americans, or about 46% of those over 18 years old, are single, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. But that percent is actually much higher for women—a record-breaking 52% of them are unmarried or separated as of 2021, according to a recent report from Wells Fargo Economics. https://fortune.com/2023/0…

[deleted]

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#103

Post by kayodelycaon »

hombre_fatal wrote: post #83

I'd wonder how many women this guy (and guys who relate to this post) are incidentally meeting every week. When I was in my mid 20s after uni, it was basically zero. Just women at work, if even that. If so, this is basically the result you can expect and nothing is going to change until you get those numbers up. The common thread I see with guys not meeting women is almost never "I meet a lot of women but they never…

So... how does one actually meet women?

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#104

Post by sergiomattei »

em-bee wrote: post #90
sergiomattei wrote: post #65

I’m on the opposite side of the spectrum. I’m 23 and have experienced a solid number of partners and committed relationships. After my last long-term relationship however, I realized how much time and energy these commitments take. I’ve noticed that after a while, I tend to lose myself in long term R’s, and I hate the feeling. This ends my relationships. It starts out fine, with healthy and strong boundaries with reg…

i haven't made this experience as strongly as i was able to find time for my own things in my work (being selfemployed at times and having a partner that had a well paid job too which lessened the pressure on me to focus on income helped) but what i realized is important is support from my partner for my interests and goals (and of course i should equally support my partners goals) without that support, compromises m…

This is something I must watch out for in future partners, and you hit it right on with the compromises bit.

Thank you for sharing your experience.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#105

Post by numbers_guy »

Traubenfuchs wrote: post #81
mettamage wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you don't mind me asking, how did you search actively? Why didn't it work out? I've also searched actively. It didn't work out in my case as well. Relationships are hard.

I am a 30 year old gay man living in a city of 2 million. By now, to some degree at least, I personally know every single gay man that passes my requirements regarding socioeconomic status, personality and physical attractivity. It didn‘t work out because they didn‘t want me, I didn‘t want them or chatting with them was so uninspiring, we didn‘t even meet. But to answer your question more concretely, generally it did…

Wow, and I thought women were demanding, lol.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#106

Post by JasserInicide »

aidenn0 wrote: post #71
carbine wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm a woman and have had long serious relationships and long-ish stretches of being single. Took me a while to filter through all the social pressure BS and realize that, on balance, I have been way (WAY) happier single. Maybe this could change one day? But right now I have no interest in changing it. It'd take someone extraordinary. I'm not 'poly' or 'asexual' or any of that crap, I've just had to give up so much of…

I'm a man and I definitely see more pressure on women to pair off, at least at younger ages. With men (particularly driven or ambitious men), there's a societal "he'll settle down eventually" but with women "eventually" is like "late 20s"

It's not just social pressure, it's simply a biological fact. For each year after ~30, the chance of having something wrong with a child during pregnancy goes up. On average in relationships, women's greatest value is their youth and beauty (early/mid 20s), men's greatest value is when they've progressed in their career and are amassing wealth (mid/late 30s). There's nothing wrong about pointing this out, they're just the realities about modern relationships. Yet we can never honestly discuss them because people have a hard time controlling their emotions about it.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#107

Post by em-bee »

scohesc wrote: post #70

I've been single all my life as well, heading into my 30's and it's getting to the point where I feel like the crippling loneliness is absolutely killing me on the inside, likely going to lead me to an early death. Trying not to seem "needy" or come off as desperate is hard and is definitely a turn-off. I avoided social situations all my life because I was (and still am) afraid of rejection. I minimized the amount of…

I minimized the amount of time I socialized with people because I felt inherently different, that I didn't belong, that somehow my presence was offensive/offending to people

try traveling to places where you clearly do not fit in. i have made similar experiences, not as strong, but i always felt like an outsider in school and in my environment mainly because i didn't want to fit in.

living in a different country made this a lot easier to deal with. i changed from being an outsider to being a foreigner, which the locals were curious about and i felt more accepted because there is no expectation for a foreigner to fit in.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#108

Post by Traubenfuchs »

numbers_guy wrote: post #105
Traubenfuchs wrote: post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I am a 30 year old gay man living in a city of 2 million. By now, to some degree at least, I personally know every single gay man that passes my requirements regarding socioeconomic status, personality and physical attractivity. It didn‘t work out because they didn‘t want me, I didn‘t want them or chatting with them was so uninspiring, we didn‘t even meet. But to answer your question more concretely, generally it did…

Wow, and I thought women were demanding, lol.

Is demanding something in the ballpark of what you are offering yourself deplorable?

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#109

Post by hammyhavoc »

browningstreet wrote: post #100
hammyhavoc wrote: post #46

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Anecdotal, but dating apps have to be the worst way to meet someone. Everybody I ever met through them has major problems and that's why they have to meet people through an app dedicated to meeting people for relationships. It's such an unnatural and strange concept.

Hard disagree. My last "n" relationships over more than a decade came from dating apps. It's also a high-percentage source of relationships these days. Dating apps can be where people go shopping, but it can also just be a way to filter for people you wouldn't ordinarily encounter doing the things you do day to day. In that respect, they're great.

Anecdote v anecdote, matey. As with anything, if they work for you and others, that's great. I have a feeling that it may be a demographic thing related to geographic area, that and the times have of course changed and dating apps are far more mainstream than they were a decade ago.

An additional anecdote though as an in-between of both of ours: my mother in the UK met a man from Canada in a chatroom over twenty years ago, divorced my father, and they're still married. Not to say that it has always been smooth sailing at times for them (he's got paranoid schizophrenia, she's physically disabled now), but they're happy, so meeting people via software evidently does work for some people.

I mean, look at us, we don't know each other, but we're having a conversation, so if that idea is extrapolated to a dating app, sure, I can buy into the idea that they can be effective for some people.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#110

Post by gnramires »

scohesc wrote: post #70

I've been single all my life as well, heading into my 30's and it's getting to the point where I feel like the crippling loneliness is absolutely killing me on the inside, likely going to lead me to an early death. Trying not to seem "needy" or come off as desperate is hard and is definitely a turn-off. I avoided social situations all my life because I was (and still am) afraid of rejection. I minimized the amount of…

Try some kind of hobby!

Play (e.g. board) games with highly sensitive people that have the (social) skills you want to develop, hang around with them, try social dancing classes. Most people will pickup skills when it is necessary in context -- give it enough time and activity and it'll probably develop. Practice!

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