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Parent time

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Re: Parent time

#61

Post by neutronicus »

luxurytent wrote: post #18

Parent of a young family with two kids (6, 2). We moved to a lower cost of living city because we simply couldn’t make it work back “home” where my parents were — and even then, they were an hour drive away within a suburb from our desired living location. We’ve been afar two years now. It’s a short flight (2 hrs) and my parents live quite close to the airport, so we see them about four times a year. This is still no…

> What’s been hardest is parenting without parental support.

My wife and I followed my parents to the low-COL city where they retired, and, while it's been nice to see them somewhat frequently, we were a little dismayed to discover that they kind of feel like they've "done their time" and don't take my son nearly as much as we'd like.

Maybe we just don't ask enough, I don't know.

Re: Parent time

#62

Post by skellera »

pastor_bob wrote: post #25
spywaregorilla wrote: post #13

> I was out for a drink with a friend. > As we settled in, George asked about my life and how I was feeling. > “I’m good. Busy!" > He stared blankly through my empty words. > Feeling the pressure of his gaze, I adjusted myself and added that living in California had begun to wear on me, it being so far from my parents on the East Coast. > George: “How often do you see your parents?" > Me: “Maybe once a year now.” > G…

Probably a made up story for a twitter thread.

Yeah, versions of this story is making rounds on twitter/linkedin/fb.

Then again, it could be true. More likely to come up in conversation since people are reading it everywhere.

Re: Parent time

#63

Post by raverbashing »

balderdash wrote: post #47
maerF0x0 wrote: post #4

I cant refind the website right now, but i once encountered an interesting website that took this concept further. It demonstrated that many of us have already spent between 95-99% of the time we will see our parents. Eg: * presume your parents have you at ~30 * Live at home 18years x 365 days per year = 6570 days * You see them a week per year for the remainder of their life = 50 years * 7 days per year = 350 days t…

While not quibbling with the math, I think there are two things that mitigate this meaningfully. 1) quality of the time spent (I have more meaningful conversations in a couple of hours now, than months as a child + much of that time was spent administratively / logistically) 2) voice / video / text communication is not meaningless (I’ve lived >1,500 miles from my parents for the past ~12 years, but on average probabl…

This right here. Pretty much

Call/text/etc your parents.

Re: Parent time

#64

Post by rossdavidh »

rcarr wrote: post #52

The flip side to this, are some of us who have had to move back in with parents as adults for various reasons. I might miss them when they’re gone, but I also feel like I’ve had enough interaction for one lifetime, especially when they’re also the person that causes me the most stress in life. It is natural to fly the nest. The ridiculous housing market that is forcing generations to live together is not. In tribal c…

You are entirely correct that the housing situation is f'd up. However, careful what you wish for, because when I look at the recent data I see a high likelihood of a massive "correction" arriving soon.

Re: Parent time

#65

Post by maerF0x0 »

ryanwaggoner wrote: post #17
maerF0x0 wrote: post #4

I cant refind the website right now, but i once encountered an interesting website that took this concept further. It demonstrated that many of us have already spent between 95-99% of the time we will see our parents. Eg: * presume your parents have you at ~30 * Live at home 18years x 365 days per year = 6570 days * You see them a week per year for the remainder of their life = 50 years * 7 days per year = 350 days t…

https://waitbutwhy.com/2015/12/the-tail-end.html

yeah that might have been it!

> It turns out that when I graduated from high school, I had already used up 93% of my in-person parent time. I’m now enjoying the last 5% of that time. We’re in the tail end.

Re: Parent time

#66

Post by wiradikusuma »

I had an opportunity to work overseas. I told myself I'd save up to bring fortune and fame to my parents—at the cost of seeing them less.

Few months down, my father passed away. Complications that could have been prevented had he got treated early (he hid it because "didn't want to trouble us", typical asian parents).

My whole world turned upside down. I booked flights for the whole year to return home at least once a month. I treated my my mom and sisters family trips overseas. I didn't save up.

Few years forward, everyone's married and we can't travel together anymore, and my mom is very old. And now I'm saving up for my own family.

I'd probably richer had I saved up earlier, but I don't regret my decision.

Re: Parent time

#67

Post by luxurytent »

neutronicus wrote: post #61
luxurytent wrote: post #18

Parent of a young family with two kids (6, 2). We moved to a lower cost of living city because we simply couldn’t make it work back “home” where my parents were — and even then, they were an hour drive away within a suburb from our desired living location. We’ve been afar two years now. It’s a short flight (2 hrs) and my parents live quite close to the airport, so we see them about four times a year. This is still no…

> What’s been hardest is parenting without parental support. My wife and I followed my parents to the low-COL city where they retired, and, while it's been nice to see them somewhat frequently, we were a little dismayed to discover that they kind of feel like they've "done their time" and don't take my son nearly as much as we'd like. Maybe we just don't ask enough, I don't know.

My anecdotal experience from speaking with other young parents: this is way more common than I anticipated!

Re: Parent time

#68

Post by ubermonkey »

I mean, I get it, but for a lot of people their parents live in a place where professional and social opportunities are impossibly low. Living there, or even within a quick trip there, is just not reasonable IF you want more than (e.g.) the state you were born in can provide.

I grew up in Mississippi. I knew from childhood I would leave, because even in the pre-Trump era it was dominated by an ugly, reactionary, racist, homophobic, and sexist brand of conservatism -- blended with a side order of "Lost Cause" romanticism about the Civil War. It is, to be super super clear, a toxic place I yearned to escape from.

(It should probably tell you something that the more urbane, cosmopolitan, tolerant, and diverse city I've made my home in for nearly 30 years is in Texas. When Texas is trading up, you KNOW you started low.)

The author is privileged that his parents live in a reasonable place.

Re: Parent time

#69

Post by mrtranscendence »

dominotw wrote: post #24
golergka wrote: post #11

It's a great example of how being candid, even rude, can turn out to be very beneficial to people. Unfortunately, most people, unlike the thread author, would just get defensive and perceive this insight as a personal attack.

Because its not an insight?

You might disagree with how profound or surprising it is, but how is it not an insight of some sort? It was at least enough to get the author to make a drastic lifestyle change.
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