Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Parent time

twitter.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

51–60 of 119 posts

Re: Parent time

#51

Post by Tobani »

gorjusborg wrote: post #45
spywaregorilla wrote: post #13

> I was out for a drink with a friend. > As we settled in, George asked about my life and how I was feeling. > “I’m good. Busy!" > He stared blankly through my empty words. > Feeling the pressure of his gaze, I adjusted myself and added that living in California had begun to wear on me, it being so far from my parents on the East Coast. > George: “How often do you see your parents?" > Me: “Maybe once a year now.” > G…

Yeah, I get the feeling George may not exist outside of the author's imagination. Sure, there could be back story that fed that interaction, but I'm betting that didn't happen and it is a way of framing an unpopular decision in a flattering light.

Or there was a much longer conversation with twists and turns and the author distilled it for the format.

Re: Parent time

#52

Post by rcarr »

The flip side to this, are some of us who have had to move back in with parents as adults for various reasons. I might miss them when they’re gone, but I also feel like I’ve had enough interaction for one lifetime, especially when they’re also the person that causes me the most stress in life.

It is natural to fly the nest. The ridiculous housing market that is forcing generations to live together is not. In tribal cultures, when people come of age the tribe comes together to build them a hut. In modern societies, you come of age and it’s “Get lost, I don’t want any houses built round here or my house price will go down. You can get a house when you inherit one or earn one. Now get to work serving me and don’t complain that your earnings are far outstripped by house price, rent and utility inflation.”

Live close to your parents by all means, that’s probably the sweet spot for most. But what really is the point of modern societies if we can’t even replicate things our ancestors had long solved? For the love of god can someone sort the fucking house crisis out.

Re: Parent time

#53

Post by bluGill »

maerF0x0 wrote: post #8
Kaibeezy wrote: post #3

Parents could have moved to SF, just sayin’ ETA: One set of parents could have moved from east coast to west. They had enough savings and could have found a modest place in a nice peripheral location. We had good SV jobs and would have helped them. They never really liked where they lived, never made the most of it, and only stayed there out of inertia; I hated the weather and sprawly shabbiness, would never have mov…

Though you're getting down voted I do think there's some merit to your comment. When I moved from Canada to the Bay area I thought, and everyone said, that they (friends, family) would come visit. I got 2 visits in 8 years, both by my mom. This despite me going back to see varying people roughly twice per year. I've sadly learned that many of those relationships are a one way street of convenience. They're happy to s…

When I go back I have a large number of people to visit. When someone comes here they are here to visit me. Motivation is additive - I kind of want to visit X people and so in total it is worth going. While they only have their kind of motivation to visit me.

I get a few visits just because I'm at a large crossroads and a good driving distance away to stop for the night. (they might go a few more hours if I didn't live here, but since they can have supper with me that makes stopping here worth it.

Re: Parent time

#54

Post by beberlei »

maerF0x0 wrote: post #4

I cant refind the website right now, but i once encountered an interesting website that took this concept further. It demonstrated that many of us have already spent between 95-99% of the time we will see our parents. Eg: * presume your parents have you at ~30 * Live at home 18years x 365 days per year = 6570 days * You see them a week per year for the remainder of their life = 50 years * 7 days per year = 350 days t…

Its also in this book "four thousand weeks"

Re: Parent time

#55

Post by unglaublich »

Tobani wrote: post #51
gorjusborg wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, I get the feeling George may not exist outside of the author's imagination. Sure, there could be back story that fed that interaction, but I'm betting that didn't happen and it is a way of framing an unpopular decision in a flattering light.

Or there was a much longer conversation with twists and turns and the author distilled it for the format.

Or you don't know and there's no point in guessing.

Re: Parent time

#57

Post by marginalia_nu »

hammock wrote: post #33
pastor_bob wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Probably a made up story for a twitter thread.

Not sure why you're being downvoted. I've seen this story repeated at least three times by different people. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33066955

Yeah, the whole story has that quality where you half expect the entire bus to stand up and give an applause at the end.

Re: Parent time

#58

Post by maerF0x0 »

leoedin wrote: post #46
maerF0x0 wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Though you're getting down voted I do think there's some merit to your comment. When I moved from Canada to the Bay area I thought, and everyone said, that they (friends, family) would come visit. I got 2 visits in 8 years, both by my mom. This despite me going back to see varying people roughly twice per year. I've sadly learned that many of those relationships are a one way street of convenience. They're happy to s…

I understand this sentiment, but I've also been at the other end of it. The reality is that most people have a limited amount of travel time, fairly limited amount of money and a longer list of trips they'd like to make. I've got some great friends who've moved to places far away - but unless they're very, very close friends it's really hard to justify spending thousands, taking time off work and then spending hours…

The part that you and peer commenters are missing -- they all wanted to see me, I _did_ travel to them, expended my limited PTO time and money to demonstrate that the relationship was worth keeping alive etc. But it was unrequited. Thats the part that stings the lip service of "Yeah we'd love to make it there someday, why dont you come see us this year?"... I do it. They Dont.

Re: Parent time

#59

Post by asow92 »

During COVID my wife and I decided to pack up our lives in NYC, move home, and bring work with us.

A few months later my parents _bought the house next to ours_, and our lives are incredible: We support each other and enrich each other's lives, we feel like we've made incredible leaps in our relationships. We now have a kid on the way and my parents are ecstatic to be so close to us as we start this next chapter of our lives. None of this would be possible without the ability to be remote.

Re: Parent time

#60

Post by mrtranscendence »

mathattack wrote: post #28

An unfortunate thread for those of us at 0 who love to get 15 more.

Yeah, I lost my father way back in the late nineties, when I was a teenager. I didn’t even get the chance to move far away and visit him only infrequently.

To make matters worse, I don’t even think I’ll get five more years with my mother, let alone fifteen. She’s 70 and has quite severe COPD that puts her in the hospital with some regularity (yay, smoking). So I probably should visit her more often, while I can.

Post reply on HN