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Parent time

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Re: Parent time

#21

Post by rayiner »

Loved this article. We live 10 minutes from my parents and see them several times a week. It makes life so much easier and more fulfilling. Our kids have a great time with “poppy and grandma” (and my wife and I can go on a date). And as they got older (early 70s) it’s nice to be around to chat about health concerns or have a little party for birthdays, etc.

Ironically, living near family is a privilege that wealthier and more educated people are less likely to enjoy. My wife’s family pretty much all lives within a 2 hour radius of the old family homestead on the Oregon coast. Holidays are great—we just rent an AirBnB and everyone comes and visits.

Re: Parent time

#23

Post by lezojeda »

maerF0x0 wrote: post #8
Kaibeezy wrote: post #3

Parents could have moved to SF, just sayin’ ETA: One set of parents could have moved from east coast to west. They had enough savings and could have found a modest place in a nice peripheral location. We had good SV jobs and would have helped them. They never really liked where they lived, never made the most of it, and only stayed there out of inertia; I hated the weather and sprawly shabbiness, would never have mov…

Though you're getting down voted I do think there's some merit to your comment. When I moved from Canada to the Bay area I thought, and everyone said, that they (friends, family) would come visit. I got 2 visits in 8 years, both by my mom. This despite me going back to see varying people roughly twice per year. I've sadly learned that many of those relationships are a one way street of convenience. They're happy to s…

Well, I understand how you feel but... you are the one who moved, not them, I'm not from North America but I imagine it's not a small distance just judging from a map, not that easy.

I have a friend who moved to Switzerland for example, being from Argentina it's impossible for me and almost anyone else to go there and visit him, but he chose that

Re: Parent time

#24

Post by dominotw »

golergka wrote: post #11

It's a great example of how being candid, even rude, can turn out to be very beneficial to people. Unfortunately, most people, unlike the thread author, would just get defensive and perceive this insight as a personal attack.

Because its not an insight?

Re: Parent time

#25

Post by pastor_bob »

spywaregorilla wrote: post #13

> I was out for a drink with a friend. > As we settled in, George asked about my life and how I was feeling. > “I’m good. Busy!" > He stared blankly through my empty words. > Feeling the pressure of his gaze, I adjusted myself and added that living in California had begun to wear on me, it being so far from my parents on the East Coast. > George: “How often do you see your parents?" > Me: “Maybe once a year now.” > G…

Probably a made up story for a twitter thread.

Re: Parent time

#26

Post by ryanwaggoner »

ako wrote: post #14
maerF0x0 wrote: post #4

I cant refind the website right now, but i once encountered an interesting website that took this concept further. It demonstrated that many of us have already spent between 95-99% of the time we will see our parents. Eg: * presume your parents have you at ~30 * Live at home 18years x 365 days per year = 6570 days * You see them a week per year for the remainder of their life = 50 years * 7 days per year = 350 days t…

Works also for your children: considering i've already spent over 60% (?) of my total time with my children (13/14yrs old)...

Yeah, this post has always stuck with me: https://avc.com/2010/06/being-present/

Around that time, I attended an offsite of a larger private equity firm and there was a organizational psychologist who gave a talk on work life balance. He said something I'll never forget. He said that you have about ten to twelve years to connect with your kids and then they turn into teenagers, tune you out, then turn into adults and build their own lives. I thought about my kids who were five, three, and a baby and realized that time was short and I needed to be present in their lives in every way that I could.

Re: Parent time

#27

Post by hammock »

This "story" is likely inauthentic and is an overused trope. I was looking for the time one of Joe Rogan's guests used it. Instead I found yet another example of a different guest on a different podcast also using it: https://www.tiktok.com/@thequotebibles/video/693557468395790...

Doesn't make the insight less valuable, though

Re: Parent time

#29

Post by loceng »

pastor_bob wrote: post #25
spywaregorilla wrote: post #13

> I was out for a drink with a friend. > As we settled in, George asked about my life and how I was feeling. > “I’m good. Busy!" > He stared blankly through my empty words. > Feeling the pressure of his gaze, I adjusted myself and added that living in California had begun to wear on me, it being so far from my parents on the East Coast. > George: “How often do you see your parents?" > Me: “Maybe once a year now.” > G…

Probably a made up story for a twitter thread.

So then the author inherits the weird title?

I could easily see more blunt-autistic types being so practical, straight-forward though.

Re: Parent time

#30

Post by hobs »

spywaregorilla wrote: post #13

> I was out for a drink with a friend. > As we settled in, George asked about my life and how I was feeling. > “I’m good. Busy!" > He stared blankly through my empty words. > Feeling the pressure of his gaze, I adjusted myself and added that living in California had begun to wear on me, it being so far from my parents on the East Coast. > George: “How often do you see your parents?" > Me: “Maybe once a year now.” > G…

I had this conversation randomly with a friend, I was George.

It surprised me how hard this hit them, and that they've talked about it many times since then because yeah, its just a little strategic thinking about the world.

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