[deleted]
Parent time
41–50 of 119 posts
Re: Parent time
#42Nice attempt at guilting me, Satan, but my mom is way, way worse than you.
If I were you, I’d be deeply concerned about only having 15 years left to yourself. Enjoy hell while it’s still warm and toasty down there.
Re: Parent time
#43My parents are my neighbours. It's great. One of the things I value most about how life turned out.
I personally prefer to have some distance. In my case 10-15 minute drive. Enough to stop entirely random visits, but still nothing really stopping it.
Yeah, I’m not much of a lover of visiting myself; I’m a half hour from my sister’s family and my mother (who live together) and that’s just about perfect. It’s close enough that I can help if they need me, but not so close that it’s easy for them to ask me to watch kids for them all the time … ok, I’m a selfish bastard, I admit it.
Re: Parent time
#44Why are we seeing a dupe of a LinkedIn-style "motivational" post on the same day? The dupe was literally a few hours ago here - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=33038272
Re: Parent time
#45> I was out for a drink with a friend. > As we settled in, George asked about my life and how I was feeling. > “I’m good. Busy!" > He stared blankly through my empty words. > Feeling the pressure of his gaze, I adjusted myself and added that living in California had begun to wear on me, it being so far from my parents on the East Coast. > George: “How often do you see your parents?" > Me: “Maybe once a year now.” > G…
Yeah, I get the feeling George may not exist outside of the author's imagination.
Sure, there could be back story that fed that interaction, but I'm betting that didn't happen and it is a way of framing an unpopular decision in a flattering light.
Re: Parent time
#46Parents could have moved to SF, just sayin’ ETA: One set of parents could have moved from east coast to west. They had enough savings and could have found a modest place in a nice peripheral location. We had good SV jobs and would have helped them. They never really liked where they lived, never made the most of it, and only stayed there out of inertia; I hated the weather and sprawly shabbiness, would never have mov…
Though you're getting down voted I do think there's some merit to your comment. When I moved from Canada to the Bay area I thought, and everyone said, that they (friends, family) would come visit. I got 2 visits in 8 years, both by my mom. This despite me going back to see varying people roughly twice per year. I've sadly learned that many of those relationships are a one way street of convenience. They're happy to s…
I understand this sentiment, but I've also been at the other end of it. The reality is that most people have a limited amount of travel time, fairly limited amount of money and a longer list of trips they'd like to make. I've got some great friends who've moved to places far away - but unless they're very, very close friends it's really hard to justify spending thousands, taking time off work and then spending hours travelling to see them for a few days. If I was in the area I'd definitely look them up - but I simply can't base my entire family's limited holiday time around seeing them. Add children into the mix and that becomes even harder.
Re: Parent time
#47I cant refind the website right now, but i once encountered an interesting website that took this concept further. It demonstrated that many of us have already spent between 95-99% of the time we will see our parents. Eg: * presume your parents have you at ~30 * Live at home 18years x 365 days per year = 6570 days * You see them a week per year for the remainder of their life = 50 years * 7 days per year = 350 days t…
While not quibbling with the math, I think there are two things that mitigate this meaningfully.
1) quality of the time spent (I have more meaningful conversations in a couple of hours now, than months as a child + much of that time was spent administratively / logistically)
2) voice / video / text communication is not meaningless (I’ve lived >1,500 miles from my parents for the past ~12 years, but on average probably talk to them one a week? Those conversations matter, and shouldn’t be discarded for in-person time)
Re: Parent time
#48For me moving farther away from my family has been key to spend more time with them.
They live about 150km away from me. Because it’s a relative long distance they will always sleep over when they come (and me when I go to them), and we get to spend the weekend together in one house.
My brother, who lives in the same city, meets them more often but for just an evening or afternoon. He always complains I get to spend more time with them even though he lives 10m away.
BTW, I realize that 150km would be “close” for US and other big countries. In the Netherlands that’s the difference between east and west. :-)
Re: Parent time
#49I moved from Germany to the US after college 30 years ago. My one regret is not having seen my parents and family as much. Now I only have a few visits left, sobering thought. Going there in a couple weeks though.
Re: Parent time
#50Parents could have moved to SF, just sayin’ ETA: One set of parents could have moved from east coast to west. They had enough savings and could have found a modest place in a nice peripheral location. We had good SV jobs and would have helped them. They never really liked where they lived, never made the most of it, and only stayed there out of inertia; I hated the weather and sprawly shabbiness, would never have mov…
Though you're getting down voted I do think there's some merit to your comment. When I moved from Canada to the Bay area I thought, and everyone said, that they (friends, family) would come visit. I got 2 visits in 8 years, both by my mom. This despite me going back to see varying people roughly twice per year. I've sadly learned that many of those relationships are a one way street of convenience. They're happy to s…
That happened to me too. When I moved to the US a lot of people said they would visit, especially once I was in California. But so far only two of my sisters and my mom have visited in 20 years. This made me in turn very reluctant to visit people when I fly to Europe. I guess it is what is but it is very disappointing.