It's a great example of how being candid, even rude, can turn out to be very beneficial to people. Unfortunately, most people, unlike the thread author, would just get defensive and perceive this insight as a personal attack.
Parent time
11–20 of 119 posts
Re: Parent time
#12My parents are my neighbours. It's great. One of the things I value most about how life turned out.
The biggest downside of moving out of state is being so far from my family. There is so much support I used to get. Now I don't have an automatic babysitter I can trust. I don't have someone to come help when I need to a hand for something.
Re: Parent time
#13> I was out for a drink with a friend.
> As we settled in, George asked about my life and how I was feeling.
> “I’m good. Busy!"
> He stared blankly through my empty words.
> Feeling the pressure of his gaze, I adjusted myself and added that living in California had begun to wear on me, it being so far from my parents on the East Coast.
> George: “How often do you see your parents?"
> Me: “Maybe once a year now.”
> George: “And how old are they?"
> Me: “Mid-sixties."
> George: “Ok, so you’re going to see them 15 more times before they die.”
...
> It wasn’t meant to be rude—it was just…math.
There's something to think about in all this but I really can't get over imagining what a weird dude George is.
Re: Parent time
#14I cant refind the website right now, but i once encountered an interesting website that took this concept further. It demonstrated that many of us have already spent between 95-99% of the time we will see our parents. Eg: * presume your parents have you at ~30 * Live at home 18years x 365 days per year = 6570 days * You see them a week per year for the remainder of their life = 50 years * 7 days per year = 350 days t…
Works also for your children: considering i've already spent over 60% (?) of my total time with my children (13/14yrs old)...
Re: Parent time
#15I will see them much less because of frustrating visa rules. That’s the kind of thing I agreed to when I decided to become an immigrant I guess.
Re: Parent time
#16We decided to stay close to our parents. And yea we are "close." But some days I dream of moving far away from them. Of course i would write the same years later.
The contrived human condition is mainly torture.
Re: Parent time
#17I cant refind the website right now, but i once encountered an interesting website that took this concept further. It demonstrated that many of us have already spent between 95-99% of the time we will see our parents. Eg: * presume your parents have you at ~30 * Live at home 18years x 365 days per year = 6570 days * You see them a week per year for the remainder of their life = 50 years * 7 days per year = 350 days t…
Re: Parent time
#18Parent of a young family with two kids (6, 2). We moved to a lower cost of living city because we simply couldn’t make it work back “home” where my parents were — and even then, they were an hour drive away within a suburb from our desired living location.
We’ve been afar two years now. It’s a short flight (2 hrs) and my parents live quite close to the airport, so we see them about four times a year.
This is still not enough but their plan is to move where we are once they can retire in 2 or so years.
What’s been hardest is parenting without parental support. Wife and I have had to really make an effort to build community with our neighbours, school parents, etc. In two years we have built a good foundation, which is a life saver! It really does take a village and I feel we’ve forgotten how to form that village. (The challenge was exacerbated due to COVID lockdowns)
Hardest days are long weekend holidays when all the neighbours and friends go visit family (nearby). It’s usually not worth for us to fly so we stay in the quiet city. Sometimes it’s great, other times it’s hard and I miss my family.
Either way, we just booked Christmas flights and we’ll be with them for two weeks. I’m looking forward to it.
Re: Parent time
#19> I was out for a drink with a friend. > As we settled in, George asked about my life and how I was feeling. > “I’m good. Busy!" > He stared blankly through my empty words. > Feeling the pressure of his gaze, I adjusted myself and added that living in California had begun to wear on me, it being so far from my parents on the East Coast. > George: “How often do you see your parents?" > Me: “Maybe once a year now.” > G…
Weird, but effective!
Re: Parent time
#2015 is still too much.