371–380 of 779 posts
Earlier quoted context omitted.
All for a "he hugged me", not even anything sexual
>I felt being taken advantage of that he had unprotected sex with me when I was intoxicated. At least read the article before being dismissive. Imagine being 20, getting raped, and having randoms on the internet completely invalidate how traumatic it was because they think you're just meming. Like damn and we wonder why women struggle in tech.
There is a lot about the sexual events in this post that, to me, highlights something I feel is important which is: we parents need to get better had having conversations with our children around sex. This girl was feeling uncomfortable and crying but at the same time "didn't think those behaviors were problematic". I can't help but wonder if her parents never sat her down and discussed situations like this and, I ge…
Agreed. I can't believe a woman would be naïve enough to share a room with a man. For crying out loud, if a man invites you to a room with him alone he wants to have sex. It's that simple. I think boys already are told what is acceptable and what isn't. We got taught, in no uncertain terms, what would be considered rape or sexual assault. But I think people are afraid to mention the obvious when it comes to things li…
Obviously, we were long time friends and this would be different if I was meeting a conference speaker, but as usual, nothing is as black or white as "men only want sex".
However, I do agree with your point. Boys need to be taught what could be considered rape, and girls need to realise that sadly some men will abuse them sexually if given half a chance.
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"What if a bunch of your ex-girlfriends or ex-boyfriends got together and decided to ruin your life with accusations?" This just pretty much does not happen without reason, and I think it is safe to say that if it did, you are probably a terrible person.
> This just pretty much does not happen without reason, and I think it is safe to say that if it did, you are probably a terrible person. That's not a safe assumption at all.
Innocent until proven guilty and all that jazz, but there will be assumptions nonetheless..
I would love to know what these women stand to gain by humiliating themselves if it is all made up.
There is a lot about the sexual events in this post that, to me, highlights something I feel is important which is: we parents need to get better had having conversations with our children around sex. This girl was feeling uncomfortable and crying but at the same time "didn't think those behaviors were problematic". I can't help but wonder if her parents never sat her down and discussed situations like this and, I ge…
Agreed. I can't believe a woman would be naïve enough to share a room with a man. For crying out loud, if a man invites you to a room with him alone he wants to have sex. It's that simple. I think boys already are told what is acceptable and what isn't. We got taught, in no uncertain terms, what would be considered rape or sexual assault. But I think people are afraid to mention the obvious when it comes to things li…
Maybe things have changed since I was young but, that may be overly generous. The kind of discussion I'm suggesting never happened with me, or, if it did, it happened only once. My parents left me to figure that out on my own. I don't want this to sound like I'm attacking my parents because I'm not. I had great parents, but the topic of sexual behavior was obviously something they weren't comfortable having with me at the time.
Thinking back on conversations I've had with pretty much all of my male friends, they had the same experience.
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And what if they were consenting - I'm not saying that's the case here, I don't know obviously, I'm asking in general, just like my comment is a musing about the vagaries of when is consent not consent.
It's not vague. Consent is an enthusiastic and unambiguous yes. Was there an enthusiastic and unambiguous yes? You have consent. Was there not an enthusiastic and unambiguous yes? You do not have consent.
I'm not arguing about what consent is, I'm arguing about whether you bear responsibility for what happens to you if you put yourself in a vulnerable position, give consent without being of sound mind, and then regret it later. I think 1) that's pretty dumb to put yourself in that situation, and 2) you do have partial responsibility for what happened.
Jon Pretty sounds like a complete creep and yes, based on this account, a predator. That being said, there is a court and criminal justice system for a reason. While I empathize with the author, and utterly despise the archetype of high-status men who use their status within programming communities as a tool to target women, I find the nature of these kinds of posts to be counterproductive. Therapeutic to the author?…
I agree with you about the accusations. He sounds creepy; but one blog-entry is not exactly hard evidence. An internet mob may assume its all true anyway. > men who use their status within programming communities as a tool to target women Wouldn't "programming communities" be one of the worst places for a true predator? There are so few women compared to men here. I would think most predators would choose the modelin…
An interesting thought. Under this model, (and I realize that this is a post-facto realization, but what can we do?) we would expect to see significantly more reports of predator behavior in these less competitive niches than the objective number of predators would imply, because the predators in them are less skilled at hiding their predation than predators in the more prey-rich environments.
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Sometimes character assassination is coordinated. I personally only slightly increase the probability of something being true when multiple accusers come forward. I still want to see proof. What if a bunch of your ex-girlfriends or ex-boyfriends got together and decided to ruin your life with accusations?
If a bunch of my ex-girlfriends coordinated a character assassination campaign against me I would probably be forced to consider that maybe I’m an asshole.
meanwhile you're probably just normal person
> I have reported all of my experience to the ScalaCenter in 2019. I was hoping to see concrete actions, such as building a reporting mechanism, to protect minorities in the community. Unfortunately, I am not aware of such actions taken. That sounds like a community failure, not just One Bad Guy.
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Yes, what happened to due diligence?
What happened to free speech? If you think this is slander, don't the same rules apply; mustn't we presume the innocence of Yifan until she's proven guilty?
We used to have a process to figure out what happened and make a judgement after the facts have been laid out.
What we get now is emotional responses to outrageous headlines and mobs ready to crucify the accused.
What a farce.
Since the pattern is so similar, I now recognize this as a form of harmful #metoo activism. - Attack entire community, not individuals - Court of Public Social Justice - The charges amount to unwanted advances being made during a social interaction where that would be acceptable -- not sexual harassment, nor illegal behavior. Compare https://medium.com/@kristianlum/statistics-we-have-a-problem... Make the problem abo…
Do you know what "advance" means? It's old-timey English for aggression as in
"The enemy advanced on the capital".
No that's not how it's used to today but it still typically has very negative connotations. So I think it's rich irony that due to your own (probable) inarticulateness and (probable) bias you think something that could experienced as violence should be flattering.