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Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

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Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#91

Post by krrrh »

EasyTiger_ wrote: post #24
zschuessler wrote: post #6

One tip mentioned is to raise your eyebrows. As example: when you first meet someone, raise your eyebrows slightly (or one), smile, and tilt your head and greet them. Making someone else feel special makes you charming. Along the same lines: I find that voice cadences, and inflection, work pretty well for being charming! Take time to enuncicate the whole sentence you want to say, throw emotion into your words. And if…

How grossly manipulative

Some people are naturally and unconsciously charming, and others, through a confluence of nature and experience, aren’t, and might not even realize it.

Is it fair for the less charming people to be at a permanent disadvantage? Or does being conscious of what is for others unconscious make one automatically manipulative? What if after a few months or years of intential charm, it became automatic?

Compare it to being a poor driver that is unknowingly causing stress and danger to fellow drivers. They take a course in defensive driving and consciously learn a few techniques like counting the distance between them the vehicle in front, not passing in the right lane, anticipating red lights, etc. After a couple of years of consciously driving like this these habits become automatic and traffic around them functions more smoothly. Practicing social skills is more like this than you probably think.

Learning how to write clearly and persuasively is another example that one could dismiss as manipulative at their own peril.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#92

Post by trentmb »

kaybe wrote: post #57
TrevorAustin wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Paul Ford has a great riff on that: https://medium.com/message/how-to-be-polite-9bf1e69e888c > Here’s a polite person’s trick, one that has never failed me. I will share it with you because I like and respect you, and it is clear to me that you’ll know how to apply it wisely: When you are at a party and are thrust into conversation with someone, see how long you can hold off before talking about what they do for a li…

If you think this sounds stupid - try, it works surprisingly well!

I think I had someone try this on me- I just recall thinking they were a patronizing ass.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#93

Post by ww520 »

hoodwink wrote: post #2

Any good book recommendations on engaging small talk and authentic first impressions? I’m headed to a weeklong NYE retreat that has a tendency to dredge up high school cafeteria level social anxieties.

Regarding anxiety, treat the small talk as a game. Something you're having fun with. Realize that the anxiety is coming from your beliefs, not the situation, and you have the power to change. You are an interesting person with a lot to contribute. Everyone else is a bit anxious inside and needs someone to talk. He would be glad if you strike up a conversation with him and find him interesting. Realize that what's the worse that can happen? If they don't like you, so what? Just like in a game, re-spawn in another spot and have fun again.

As for specific techniques, there are the NEWS - News, Event, Weather, and Sport - for non-personal conversational topics. Event is the function you guys are attending that you can have a common shared topic to talk about. Additional topics: Movies, Musics, Mobile, TV, and Games. There are the FORD - Family, Occupation, Recreation, Dreams - for more personal topics to talk about.

As for conversation techniques, there're the SPADDE techniques. S is for small talk, as above. P for paraphrasing what the other person has said. Paraphrasing as a form a question to ask for confirmation and show that you're really listening. Paraphrasing as a form of exclamation to show empathy. A for asking questions. Ask questions to open up new topics. Ask follow up questions to lead the topic further. D for disclosure. Disclose something about yourself. Give them a chance to ask you questions. If they don't know how to follow up, go back to S and A. D for deprecation. Add a bit of self-deprecation to the conversation. E for experience. Ask their experience or talk about your experience.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#95

Post by philwelch »

> "Suzanne de Janasz, an affiliated professor of management at Seattle University, says interpersonal skills are becoming increasingly important in the workplace as organisations have done away with older, hierarchical structures in recent years."

Yup. "Flat" organizational structures don't exist in reality; you're just replacing a formal hierarchy with an informal hierarchy of charisma.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#96

Post by executesorder66 »

wonder_er wrote: post #42
dominotw wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This has the danger of someone rambling for like 10 minutes about some book and everyone else is just waiting for him/her to finish. I hate people who tell "stories" in big groups , so rude. I prefer quick back and forth where everyone gets a chance to speak. Lots of people overestimate how interesting their story is to other people. I want to know how to tell people who monopolize group discussion to shut the fuck u…

100% agree. There are members of my family that, if allowed to contribute a sentence, often go on to dominate the conversation for minutes, despite the very obvious boredom and displeasure of everyone else in the conversation. If you come up with an answer to how to tell a conversational monopolist to shut up... please, please share it. I usually just walk away, but that doesn't improve the situation for everyone els…

I just interrupt them, by asking someone else in the group their opinion on what was just said. Rude? Yes, but not as rude as taking over the conversation for longer than you should.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#97

Post by adrianratnapala »

ww520 wrote: post #93
hoodwink wrote: post #2

Any good book recommendations on engaging small talk and authentic first impressions? I’m headed to a weeklong NYE retreat that has a tendency to dredge up high school cafeteria level social anxieties.

Regarding anxiety, treat the small talk as a game. Something you're having fun with. Realize that the anxiety is coming from your beliefs, not the situation, and you have the power to change. You are an interesting person with a lot to contribute. Everyone else is a bit anxious inside and needs someone to talk. He would be glad if you strike up a conversation with him and find him interesting. Realize that what's the…

Thanks for the acronym. I have learned that GNU's not NEWS!

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#98

Post by adrianratnapala »

TrevorAustin wrote: post #44
StavrosK wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not a book, but I've found that asking people what they do and being genuinely interested in it (especially if it's a job you know nothing about) is a treasure trove of interesting information. For example, if you meet a plumber, you can get hours of conversation out of just talking about the various aspects of the jobs. Although I guess it helps that I like learning about other jobs, too, and I tend to ask people to…

Paul Ford has a great riff on that: https://medium.com/message/how-to-be-polite-9bf1e69e888c > Here’s a polite person’s trick, one that has never failed me. I will share it with you because I like and respect you, and it is clear to me that you’ll know how to apply it wisely: When you are at a party and are thrust into conversation with someone, see how long you can hold off before talking about what they do for a li…

It probably only works on people who don't get that reaction often. I've been a physicist and a computer engineer the "that's sounds hard" reaction is a bit embarrassing. Also it can be a conversation closer because of the subtext that "I won't understand anything meaningful that you have to say about it".

So I certainly wouldn't use this technique on say a neurosurgeon I meet at some random party.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#100

Post by _ah »

sliverstorm wrote: post #86
heartbreak wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You'll get a public defender.

Sorry, I don't closely follow this whole "don't talk to the police ever" thing- is this the case even when you're just refusing to talk to the police on the street without an attorney? Was always under the impression the right to publicly provided legal counsel mostly centered on an actual trial.

Famous "Don't Talk to the Police" lecture: https://youtu.be/d-7o9xYp7eE
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