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Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

bbc.com

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Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#12
post #9

Iwonder if the existence of said "tips"is why many people find others insincere.

To the contrary, I think people who put effort into their interpersonal interactions are not necessarily insincere at all. Unless they're sales people :)

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#14
post #2

Any good book recommendations on engaging small talk and authentic first impressions? I’m headed to a weeklong NYE retreat that has a tendency to dredge up high school cafeteria level social anxieties.

How about `How to Win Friends and Influence People` by Dale Carnegie?

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0091906350

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#15
post #4

The article mentions getting someone to like you unnaturally fast to divulge information. This happened to me once. I was a character reference for a friend who needed security clearance for a position in the UK, and they sent a a guy to come and interview me. About 45 minutes later I came out of the room and quickly realised I'd been mined for information (all good, luckily for my friend). While it was happening it…

You can see that principle at work in the interrogation of Reality Winner. https://www.politico.com/f/?id=0000015e-c5e7-ddab-a57f-cfe7d...

I've read parts of that and it's fascinating. The FBI agents are good at their job.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#16
post #2

Any good book recommendations on engaging small talk and authentic first impressions? I’m headed to a weeklong NYE retreat that has a tendency to dredge up high school cafeteria level social anxieties.

> weeklong NYE retreat

I would like to go to random retreats , where do i find these?

Regarding anxiety, I constantly remind myself that people have short memories and even shorter memories about other people. No matter what embarrassing thing that do you do/say will be forgotten very soon by everyone.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#17
post #2

Any good book recommendations on engaging small talk and authentic first impressions? I’m headed to a weeklong NYE retreat that has a tendency to dredge up high school cafeteria level social anxieties.

Not a book, but I've found that asking people what they do and being genuinely interested in it (especially if it's a job you know nothing about) is a treasure trove of interesting information. For example, if you meet a plumber, you can get hours of conversation out of just talking about the various aspects of the jobs.

Although I guess it helps that I like learning about other jobs, too, and I tend to ask people to explain things in detail. They usually like that.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#18

While some of these may be good tips, they don't exactly sound effortless. Also does refocusing your eyes actually make you look engaged? Sometimes people I talk to appear to be doing that and it comes off a bit shady.

> While some of these may be good tips, they don't exactly sound effortless.

No kidding. I can barely even imagine juggling verbal language and body language and facial expressions.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#19
post #2

Any good book recommendations on engaging small talk and authentic first impressions? I’m headed to a weeklong NYE retreat that has a tendency to dredge up high school cafeteria level social anxieties.

A while back I read Never Eat Alone [0], and found it to be fruitful for framing casual social interactions. Additionally, most other people do not look forward to "mindless smalltalk with strangers". Since it's possible that everyone in the group shares equal anxiety about being there, you can provide a gift to them by asking pointed questions. If it's easy for them to answer, and gives something interesting for eve…

Totally off topic- why is it people always use "voracious" to describe their reading habits?
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