Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming • Hacker News Board

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#21

Post by have_faith » Mon, Dec 25, 2017, 4:25 PM UTC

_m8fo wrote: post #9

Ｉwonder if the existence of said "tips"ｉｓｗｈｙｍａｎｙｐｅｏｐｌｅｆｉｎｄｏｔｈｅｒｓｉｎｓｉｎｃｅｒｅ．

No problem with people actively trying to be more confident or just practicing being more sociable etc, but the slightest scent of social manipulation, trying to get something out of me, or anything scripted borders on "pick-up artist" repulsion.

Being in the UK is particularly difficult and I get the impression eastern Europe is similar or the same. Getting an honest and authentic reply to every day questions seems impossible. But I also understand that there is some weird cultural requisite of toughness and not making a fuss getting in the way of authentic conversations with strangers.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#22

Post by nine_k » Mon, Dec 25, 2017, 4:27 PM UTC

redslazer wrote: post #3

While some of these may be good tips, they don't exactly sound effortless. Also does refocusing your eyes actually make you look engaged? Sometimes people I talk to appear to be doing that and it comes off a bit shady.

They should look natural and effortless to the other party.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#23

Post by forkLding » Mon, Dec 25, 2017, 4:30 PM UTC

trentmb wrote: post #19

wonder_er wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A while back I read Never Eat Alone [0], and found it to be fruitful for framing casual social interactions. Additionally, most other people do not look forward to "mindless smalltalk with strangers". Since it's possible that everyone in the group shares equal anxiety about being there, you can provide a gift to them by asking pointed questions. If it's easy for them to answer, and gives something interesting for eve…

Totally off topic- why is it people always use "voracious" to describe their reading habits?

Hungry for information and hungry for more books

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#24

Post by EasyTiger_ » Mon, Dec 25, 2017, 4:37 PM UTC

zschuessler wrote: post #6

One tip mentioned is to raise your eyebrows. As example: when you first meet someone, raise your eyebrows slightly (or one), smile, and tilt your head and greet them. Making someone else feel special makes you charming. Along the same lines: I find that voice cadences, and inflection, work pretty well for being charming! Take time to enuncicate the whole sentence you want to say, throw emotion into your words. And if…

How grossly manipulative

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#25

Post by nasredin » Mon, Dec 25, 2017, 4:39 PM UTC

AlexCoventry wrote: post #7

qubyte wrote: post #4

The article mentions getting someone to like you unnaturally fast to divulge information. This happened to me once. I was a character reference for a friend who needed security clearance for a position in the UK, and they sent a a guy to come and interview me. About 45 minutes later I came out of the room and quickly realised I'd been mined for information (all good, luckily for my friend). While it was happening it…

You can see that principle at work in the interrogation of Reality Winner. https://www.politico.com/f/?id=0000015e-c5e7-ddab-a57f-cfe7d...

If the FBI shows up at your door, and act very nicely, very friendly... but they have a search warrant...

It's not a speeding ticket, you are not gonna out talk them out of searching your house... so you should... not talk?!

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#26

Post by betenoire » Mon, Dec 25, 2017, 4:39 PM UTC

hoodwink wrote: post #2

Any good book recommendations on engaging small talk and authentic first impressions? I’m headed to a weeklong NYE retreat that has a tendency to dredge up high school cafeteria level social anxieties.

This book worked well at helping me overtime social anxiety. It helped me see how others saw me. Upon reading it, and taking its advice, at least one long-time friend mentioned to my wife at how much happier and friendlier I seemed lately.

The Charisma Myth by Olivia Cabane.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#27

Post by cloakandswagger » Mon, Dec 25, 2017, 4:41 PM UTC

dilap wrote: post #15

AlexCoventry wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You can see that principle at work in the interrogation of Reality Winner. https://www.politico.com/f/?id=0000015e-c5e7-ddab-a57f-cfe7d...

I've read parts of that and it's fascinating. The FBI agents are good at their job.

They're good, but the transcripts really demonstrate just how hopelessly naive RW is. She printed classified docs on her work printer, emailed them from her work email and then confessed to FBI agents without consulting a lawyer.

It doesn't excuse what she did, of course, but it's clear she didn't grasp the gravity of her actions.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#28

Post by heartbreak » Mon, Dec 25, 2017, 4:43 PM UTC

cloakandswagger wrote: post #27

dilap wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've read parts of that and it's fascinating. The FBI agents are good at their job.

They're good, but the transcripts really demonstrate just how hopelessly naive RW is. She printed classified docs on her work printer, emailed them from her work email and then confessed to FBI agents without consulting a lawyer. It doesn't excuse what she did, of course, but it's clear she didn't grasp the gravity of her actions.

Maybe it’s because I’ve never been in that position, but I simply do not understand why you wouldn’t ask to have an attorney present for the questioning.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#29

Post by tw1010 » Mon, Dec 25, 2017, 4:43 PM UTC

_m8fo wrote: post #9

Ｉwonder if the existence of said "tips"ｉｓｗｈｙｍａｎｙｐｅｏｐｌｅｆｉｎｄｏｔｈｅｒｓｉｎｓｉｎｃｅｒｅ．

There are now so many people who have read and taken to heart these types of tricks, that displaying that you've read them, even if you come across slighly insincere is itself sometimes a positive social signal (i.e. that you're trying to improve yourself).

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#30

Post by pault » Mon, Dec 25, 2017, 4:44 PM UTC

EasyTiger_ wrote: post #24

zschuessler wrote: post #6

One tip mentioned is to raise your eyebrows. As example: when you first meet someone, raise your eyebrows slightly (or one), smile, and tilt your head and greet them. Making someone else feel special makes you charming. Along the same lines: I find that voice cadences, and inflection, work pretty well for being charming! Take time to enuncicate the whole sentence you want to say, throw emotion into your words. And if…

How grossly manipulative

You could take that view or you could think of it as putting your best foot forward. How manipulative it is depends on your intentions.