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Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

bbc.com

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Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#51

Post by hateduser2 »

zschuessler wrote: post #34
EasyTiger_ wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How grossly manipulative

I can see how one may think that! I see charm as a way to make connections with others (which is awesome!). It's also crazy fun to inflect your voice. Everyone has a better time when you're okay being silly. Would you treat a new acquaintance like they had the plague? Probably not. Is it manipulative to be nice to someone? I don't think so. Being silly with inflection, or using any of the tools described in the artic…

Nothing you said here changed my view, I feel like you’ve just obscured the point.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#52

Post by zschuessler »

ZayleePyrex wrote: post #41
zschuessler wrote: post #6

One tip mentioned is to raise your eyebrows. As example: when you first meet someone, raise your eyebrows slightly (or one), smile, and tilt your head and greet them. Making someone else feel special makes you charming. Along the same lines: I find that voice cadences, and inflection, work pretty well for being charming! Take time to enuncicate the whole sentence you want to say, throw emotion into your words. And if…

Of course, if you do these things wrong you've just plunged yourself into the uncanny valley, and are now creepy.

It's a fine line, isn't it? Ha! You're correct of course.

To anyone with fear of being creepy: my good friend shared a video with me recently on vulnerability. It forced me to rewire my brain:

https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability

One item I'd add to the article on being charming: be vulnerable. Vulnerability is relatable, it's genuine.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#53

Post by knight17 »

chickenfries wrote: post #35
trentmb wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Totally off topic- why is it people always use "voracious" to describe their reading habits?

It's funny how some adjectives always seem to be followed by certain nouns, huh? I think about this whenever I heard about "bodies strewn on the street" on the news. Reading (and watching) seems to be compared to eating all the time: - I devoured that book - I binged that season Then there's that term, "consumption" which seemingly applies to every piece of media.

Similarly, I have observed 'abject' going with 'poverty', usually.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#55

Post by EasyTiger_ »

ZayleePyrex wrote: post #41
zschuessler wrote: post #6

One tip mentioned is to raise your eyebrows. As example: when you first meet someone, raise your eyebrows slightly (or one), smile, and tilt your head and greet them. Making someone else feel special makes you charming. Along the same lines: I find that voice cadences, and inflection, work pretty well for being charming! Take time to enuncicate the whole sentence you want to say, throw emotion into your words. And if…

Of course, if you do these things wrong you've just plunged yourself into the uncanny valley, and are now creepy.

Just trying to get ahead and put best foot forward

Winks awkwardly

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#56

Post by nkozyra »

heartbreak wrote: post #28
cloakandswagger wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

They're good, but the transcripts really demonstrate just how hopelessly naive RW is. She printed classified docs on her work printer, emailed them from her work email and then confessed to FBI agents without consulting a lawyer. It doesn't excuse what she did, of course, but it's clear she didn't grasp the gravity of her actions.

Maybe it’s because I’ve never been in that position, but I simply do not understand why you wouldn’t ask to have an attorney present for the questioning.

Those doing the questioning try hard to blend the line between "we're just talking" and you needing a lawyer. The truth is, you need a lawyer precisely because you're "just talking."

We've also been conditioned to believe that retaining and using a lawyer should be conflated with guilt.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#57

Post by kaybe »

TrevorAustin wrote: post #44
StavrosK wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not a book, but I've found that asking people what they do and being genuinely interested in it (especially if it's a job you know nothing about) is a treasure trove of interesting information. For example, if you meet a plumber, you can get hours of conversation out of just talking about the various aspects of the jobs. Although I guess it helps that I like learning about other jobs, too, and I tend to ask people to…

Paul Ford has a great riff on that: https://medium.com/message/how-to-be-polite-9bf1e69e888c > Here’s a polite person’s trick, one that has never failed me. I will share it with you because I like and respect you, and it is clear to me that you’ll know how to apply it wisely: When you are at a party and are thrust into conversation with someone, see how long you can hold off before talking about what they do for a li…

If you think this sounds stupid - try, it works surprisingly well!

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#58

Post by afarrell »

zschuessler wrote: post #52
ZayleePyrex wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Of course, if you do these things wrong you've just plunged yourself into the uncanny valley, and are now creepy.

It's a fine line, isn't it? Ha! You're correct of course. To anyone with fear of being creepy: my good friend shared a video with me recently on vulnerability. It forced me to rewire my brain: https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability One item I'd add to the article on being charming: be vulnerable . Vulnerability is relatable, it's genuine.

You also have to accept the possibility of being creepy. People have varied and different responses to things and there is no way to 100% eliminate the possibility that any given person sees you as a threat to their safety. All you can do is take reasonable precautions so that a reasonable person would not be creeped out. Keep in mind that "reasonable" is culturally-dependent, so you should pay attention to the local social norms as aspirationally advocated and actually practised. One useful thing to do is to go into a situation with at least one friend so that you can check in with them when situations are ambiguous.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#59

Post by dtf »

On a related note, Sky News body language review of 2017 is quite fun.

https://youtu.be/l4n67_dbaC0

It’s interesting how the eyebrow flash and the smile are promoted in this BBC article on charm, yet perhaps did not do Hillary Clinton so much good in this age of the strongman. Women have it tough getting the tone right in politics and business.

Re: Tricks to make yourself effortlessly charming

#60

Post by sliverstorm »

heartbreak wrote: post #28
cloakandswagger wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

They're good, but the transcripts really demonstrate just how hopelessly naive RW is. She printed classified docs on her work printer, emailed them from her work email and then confessed to FBI agents without consulting a lawyer. It doesn't excuse what she did, of course, but it's clear she didn't grasp the gravity of her actions.

Maybe it’s because I’ve never been in that position, but I simply do not understand why you wouldn’t ask to have an attorney present for the questioning.

I don't exactly have an attorney on retainer or a generous "legal expenses" cost center.
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