The unusual ways Western parents raise children • Hacker News Board

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#251

Post by tayo42 » Wed, Feb 24, 2021, 5:12 PM UTC

lqet wrote: post #188

silicon2401 wrote: post #175

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's a condescending and unfounded response. Some people can take heroin and not have issues, but that doesn't make heroin safe by any means. You're in a small minority of Americans and not representative of the average person. > The organization estimates that 3/4 of the American population will likely be overweight or obese by 2020.[13] According to research done by the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health,…

I agree that there is an obesity problem (although I am not an American), but I am not so sure that demonizing french fries, Chicken McNuggets and hot chocolate from age 4 will have the desired effect. E, to answer the question below: because my personal experience from being a child and caring for a child is that anything that is demonized by the parents becomes extremely attractive.

Demonizing those foods (demonize sounds intense) helps build healthy eating habits instead defaulting to fast food.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#252

Post by bhandziuk » Wed, Feb 24, 2021, 5:12 PM UTC

aiilns wrote: post #203

ragnese wrote: post #151

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm in the U.S. I personally know a non-trivial number of women who have gone through absolutely intense (real, diagnosed) anxiety and depression because of having to feed formula to their child instead of breast milk. If you ever get to peek into these "mommy groups" on social media or in person, you can see how much shaming goes on in there. And the breast milk one is one of the biggest issues people get shamed for…

Well good advice in general, even though the way you phrase your comment makes it look like you think breast feeding is no better than the formulas. I am a medical student and we have been told at uni from professors (paediatricians) that breast feeding _is_ better than formulas I think with regards to asthma or some other allergic stuff. There are reasons that mothers should not or cannot breastfeed and it's not the…

I think they're saying that if you don't breast feed (and it's not always a choice, some women's milk doesn't come in, some babies have a really hard time latching, sometimes they take so long to latch that even if milk would have been there it no longer is...etc) - if you don't breast feed that mother's should not feel guilt or feel like failed parents.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#253

Post by rayiner » Wed, Feb 24, 2021, 5:15 PM UTC

A4ET8a8uTh0 wrote: post #200

rayiner wrote: post #176

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What's wrong with Starbucks and McDonalds? Kids drink glasses of milk. An iced latte is literally just a glass of milk with espresso in it. As to McDonalds--I'm not convinced it's any worse than the stuff I ate at that age in Bangladesh (curries heavy with oil, lots of carbs).

I personally do not subscribe to the idea that giving a child ( in this case -- a 4 year old ) espresso is acceptable. To answer your argument about Bangladesh food. Assuming McD is not worse ( I have no real data to say either way ),I am not sure it is a good argument either. You, typically, want your kids to do better so if McD is that upgrade, then I really cannot fault you for this. We all approach this with reso…

Are you suggesting that whatever weird food your kids eat is an "upgrade" compared to the normal diet of Bangladeshis?

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#254

Post by rsync » Wed, Feb 24, 2021, 5:16 PM UTC

itsmemattchung wrote: post #17

Definitely something that my wife and I struggle with. She's Vietnamese British, I'm Vietnamese American ; both of us current living in the U.S. Despite what our training classes recommend, we're co-sleeping with our 17 month year old daughter and it feels more intuitive.

"... we're co-sleeping with our 17 month year old daughter and it feels more intuitive."

Good for you. Not only should you do what works and is healthy for your own family but the first two years of your first child is really a magical time. Why not optimize for peace and tranquility ?

I will also add that in addition to the western compulsion to kick kids out of the bed there is also a western compulsion that married partners should be sleeping together every night or something is wrong with their marriage. I strongly advise all parents to at least be open minded to the idea that sleeping in different rooms could dramatically improve their sleeping and parenting logistics.

YMMV.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#255

Post by Monroe13 » Wed, Feb 24, 2021, 5:17 PM UTC

rtx wrote: post #237

Monroe13 wrote: post #219

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is exactly the attitude the above poster is complaining against. Breast feeding is probably better than formula in a few small ways, but treating formula use as “neglect” creates a harmful burden on new - and already stressed - mothers. If breast feeding is difficult, feed your child formula. They will turn out just fine.

Facts are not attitude. I am not talking to mothers, as not my business. However peddling pseudo science should be opposed.

I agree. The claim the formula feeding is neglect is not supported by the science. So please don’t spread that pseudoscience opinion.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#256

Post by leetcrew » Wed, Feb 24, 2021, 5:18 PM UTC

gonehome wrote: post #126

meowster wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I volunteer with a U.S. Scout troop. I see boys that don't know whether or not they can go on an activity/campout because they have to ask their parents if they're free that day/weekend. I try to tell them their old enough (most are teenagers) that they should start deciding for themselves what activities they participate in. Most all of them just seem apathetic. I'm sure their parents are trying to do what is best f…

It gets beaten out of you and the easiest response is to just give up and wait it out. “You don’t want to do this anymore? You need this for college, you shouldn’t quit everything you do, I wish I could have done this” etc. Eventually it’s just easier to passively suffer whatever activity you dislike and just recognize the starting cost to trying new things is extreme. > “ I try to tell them their old enough (most ar…

it can be sort of futile. as a kid, you can argue, resist, or break the rules, but until you can support yourself financially, your parents get the final say on most important matters.

reminds me of my first meeting with my advisor at college to pick courses for freshman year. I came in with a few ideas for courses/majors that my dad thought were practical. my advisor picked up on this almost immediately and asked "okay, but what are you interested in?". we had a nice talk, but at the end I went back to picking from the list my dad approved of. my advisor was disappointed and insisted that I needed to chart my own path through college. my response: "yeah, but I need my dad to write the check".

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#257

Post by genrez » Wed, Feb 24, 2021, 5:19 PM UTC

LegitShady wrote: post #88

genrez wrote: post #68

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think that the article is trying to point out that some western parenting practices are potentially harmful to infants. In this case, "weird" is a very kind way of expressing the articles concern.

It doesn't, though. It mentions sids a lot but then quotes a doctor to say the research is unclear. Other countries experience sids at reduced rates but its not clear if thats because of bed sharing, and there's no evidence in the article one way or another. If they want to point out potential harmful behaviours, they should do that, and then they would get called out on doing so with little to no evidence. Instead t…

I agree that the article does choose not to say that their claims are backed with evidence. The article in fact does correctly state that they don't have evidence that bed-sharing is safer. However, they do state that room-sharing is current pediatric best practice, and provide links [1], [2] to articles to back that up.

Given that as far as I know, room-sharing is not standard Western parenting practice, I believe they have backed up with an appeal to authority the idea that Western style parenting is harmful. Furthermore, link [1] contains a link to [3] which is an recommendation from a pediatric journal that provides links to scientific papers that suggest room-sharing reduces SIDS risk by up to 50%. (see bullet point 4 of link [3]) Thus I think the appeals to authority are backed by evidence.

Thus I think that the article could have made a stronger point if they had talked about room sharing more instead of bed sharing, but I think they do have an evidence backed point that Western parenting is potentially harmful. They avoid ruffling parent's feathers too much by understating their point.

[1]: https://www.aap.org/en-us/advocacy-and-policy/aap-health-ini... [2]: https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/ [3]: https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/138/5/e201629...

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

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Post by Grustaf » Wed, Feb 24, 2021, 5:19 PM UTC

asdfasgasdgasdg wrote: post #233

Grustaf wrote: post #231

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My children, like most middle-class children in Sweden, are breastfed. So I guess I'm about as qualified as you to talk about it.

The only difference is that your position is in contravention of the evidence, whereas mine is backed by it. Breastfeeding pain is something the XXX vast majority XXX (ed: another commenter pointed out that only about 30% of women experience ongoing pain during breastfeeding -- so good for those who don't, but this is still a significant problem for many many women) of breastfeeding women experience. Some women are a…

What evidence would that be?

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#259

Post by [deleted] » Wed, Feb 24, 2021, 5:21 PM UTC

nomdep wrote: post #34

itsmemattchung wrote: post #17

Definitely something that my wife and I struggle with. She's Vietnamese British, I'm Vietnamese American ; both of us current living in the U.S. Despite what our training classes recommend, we're co-sleeping with our 17 month year old daughter and it feels more intuitive.

So - if you don't mind the question, sorry for asking if you do - how/when you have sex?

[deleted]

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#260

Post by rtx » Wed, Feb 24, 2021, 5:22 PM UTC

Monroe13 wrote: post #255

rtx wrote: post #237

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Facts are not attitude. I am not talking to mothers, as not my business. However peddling pseudo science should be opposed.

I agree. The claim the formula feeding is neglect is not supported by the science. So please don’t spread that pseudoscience opinion.

Formula feeding is associated with adverse health outcomes for both mothers and infants, ranging from infectious morbidity to chronic disease. Given the compelling evidence for differences in health outcomes, breastfeeding should be acknowledged as the biologic norm for infant feeding. Physician counseling, office, and hospital practices should be aligned to ensure that the breastfeeding mother-infant dyad has the best chance for a long, successful breastfeeding experience.

Source - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2812877/