They say because people from India that move to Britain still have low SIDS incidence, that its cultural. How about, genetic?
They do believe SIDS has a biological component
The unusual ways Western parents raise children
211–220 of 684 posts
Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children
#212From the perspective of the Lindy principle it is weird. I have an eighteen-month old child and have been reading a lot about child rearing since my wife got pregnant. It’s taboo to say this, and I’m sorry if this offends anyone, but I suspect that a lack of adult attention in the first three years of life is a principal factor in the rising autism rates we’re seeing in modern economies. This would explain why autism…
I have data set of one against this, I find it to more of a physical difference. But hoping we can get some conclusive research around it.
Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children
#213Earlier quoted context omitted.
Here in Canada it’s sometimes discouraged and criticized to co-sleep, too. I was born here and had never even heard of co-sleeping until I was in my mid twenties. I found it pretty intuitive too, but got some flack from people over it. After 3 kids I don’t really care about the criticisms anymore. They stop co-sleeping when they’re ready, and it was as simple as that. I mostly enjoyed it. Sometimes you miss having a…
You definetly learn a lot by having kids. The first kid, you measure water temp, the second kid you just put your finger in. The third one, just the kid. Slightly exagerating, but by the second kid you don't have to relly as much any more on outside advice.
Kid 4 you just put in minimum effort because you after three sons/daughters you were trying to get the other but got more of the same.
If kid 4 does the best of the bunch then you know your parenting probably wasn't that great.
Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children
#214One of the hardest thing about being a parent today is the constant shame and confusion about the “right” way to do it. We don’t live in a hunter gatherer society anymore, we just don’t. There’s lots of wisdom in that way of life, and sure we could learn from it — but there’s enough anxiety as it is, parents don’t need more of it. We have three kids and we sleep trained them. (Not a pediatrician, standard disclaimer.…
I agree, my advice to any new parent would be to listen carefully to advice about how not to drown your child while bathing them, and how to make sure they're not suffocated by their bedding. Both real issues where some simple practices avoid the small risk of an absolutely catastrophic outcome.
Then take all other advice with a pinch of salt. Just follow your best instincts and do what seems right. Your child will be fine, plus you'll be more relaxed, you'll appreciate the time with them more. You'll have more time and emotional energy to understand and respond to how they are doing as well as how you and your partner are feeling, and your instincts will get better and better.
Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children
#215> For her part, Kuroda co-slept with her four children as a way to adapt to being away from them during the day. "I'm working full time and if I separate the whole night, it's really minimal time for the baby. We can intensely communicate, even in the nighttime. It’s real communication and time together."
IMO the rise in attachment parenting methods stems from the high rate of mothers working full-time outside the home, feeling guilty about being away from their children all day and "missing out" on developmental milestones, or feeling guilty about a minimum wage daycare worker spending more waking hours with their children than they do, and trying to 'make up' for this lost time with co-sleeping and other attachment methods.
I view this parenting style as a sort of pathological paternalism, it's presented as being in the child's best interest, when in reality it's a psychological need of (usually) the mother. Babies need lots and lots of high-quality, restful sleep, and the families that seem to be dealing with serious sleep deprivation issues for both parent and baby are usually in the attachment camp.
Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children
#216Of all the "weird" things we do as parents in euro/anglo nations, sleeping arrangements seems nowhere near the top. IMO, the top "offender" is over-scheduling kid's activities. So many kids in my area have their days booked solid with sports, academic tutoring, music lessons. Approaching zero free time to enjoy being a kid. Edit - and this isn't really a western thing, "Tiger Mom" and similar probably pre-dates this…
Best decision my parents made for me when I was kid: no extra activities after school, no summer camps, no music lessons, etc, no soccer teams, etc. I did have "unofficial summer camps", I did play some music instruments (without teachers), I did play a lot of soccer (without teams, just in the street)... I (and the kids in my neighbourhood) did all of these without adults.
I went to art class once a week because I liked it, but stopped at a young age when I didn't se any classes in the course catalog that I was interested in. The only summer camp I did was one week a summer with Scouts.
I'm guessing "summer camp" for most other kids is of a longer duration?
Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children
#217From the perspective of the Lindy principle it is weird. I have an eighteen-month old child and have been reading a lot about child rearing since my wife got pregnant. It’s taboo to say this, and I’m sorry if this offends anyone, but I suspect that a lack of adult attention in the first three years of life is a principal factor in the rising autism rates we’re seeing in modern economies. This would explain why autism…
> On the contrary, Kanner held tightly to his original proposal that autism was an innate condition, which was widely understood to mean it had a genetic basis. His behavioral observations of parents contributed to a breakthrough concept that is wholly consistent with genes being a key part of the autism story. Instead of parenting causing autism, Kanner’s idea — which has since been validated — was that autism (and…
Fascinating how classic research from the 40s has been turned on its head completely.
Would be interesting to see parent's response.
Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children
#218Earlier quoted context omitted.
It gets beaten out of you and the easiest response is to just give up and wait it out. “You don’t want to do this anymore? You need this for college, you shouldn’t quit everything you do, I wish I could have done this” etc. Eventually it’s just easier to passively suffer whatever activity you dislike and just recognize the starting cost to trying new things is extreme. > “ I try to tell them their old enough (most ar…
I know what they're parents are like during meetings and campouts. I have to manage them as much as I manage the boys. Some of them try to helicopter during meetings. There was one Scout that I've only seen smile when his dad wasn't around. They don't seem to like the idea that Scouts is supposed to be youth-run/led and that it's okay to fail as long as they learn from it and improve. The parents just don't want them…
Cool - sounds like you have the context.
I just remember adults yelling at me as a kid for things like this. “You should take responsibility.” Etc.
At the time I didn’t know what to do.
I wish I had just said, “I have no control over my life”.
I think other adults can sometimes be clueless about what a kid’s family life is like.
Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children
#219Earlier quoted context omitted.
I'm in the U.S. I personally know a non-trivial number of women who have gone through absolutely intense (real, diagnosed) anxiety and depression because of having to feed formula to their child instead of breast milk. If you ever get to peek into these "mommy groups" on social media or in person, you can see how much shaming goes on in there. And the breast milk one is one of the biggest issues people get shamed for…
Forcing formula is not abuse but neglect, unless done due to medical conditions. Don't fight evolution, formula is harder to digest. Why are you peddling pseudo science over here.
This is exactly the attitude the above poster is complaining against. Breast feeding is probably better than formula in a few small ways, but treating formula use as “neglect” creates a harmful burden on new - and already stressed - mothers.
If breast feeding is difficult, feed your child formula. They will turn out just fine.
Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children
#220Outside of neglect and abuse, is there really a WRONG way of raising a child? You see multiple different styles in different cultures. Some cultures where bed-sharing and baby-carrying is common also beat their kids and use other forms of punishment for disobedience. Wouldn't that be much "weirder"? It seems in Europe breastfeeding rates are really low and people use prams, but they might not beat the child as much (…
I'm in the U.S. I personally know a non-trivial number of women who have gone through absolutely intense (real, diagnosed) anxiety and depression because of having to feed formula to their child instead of breast milk. If you ever get to peek into these "mommy groups" on social media or in person, you can see how much shaming goes on in there. And the breast milk one is one of the biggest issues people get shamed for…
> They trot out headlines from questionable studies from totally different living environments in the world that indicate some 3 IQ point increase in kids that were breastfed and then they act like it's proof that formula feeding is child abuse.
Breastfeeding, apart from being cheap, convenient and natural, has been shown to have numerous benefits, not just to intelligence but overall health, even for the mother. There is such an abundance of evidence for this that it's just silly to even question, but you can always research it for yourself.
Regarding women feeling anxious. Since refraining from breastfeeding is a significant risk factor, similar to not properly medicating, I think it's reasonable to view it in the same light. I.e. if you refrain from breastfeeding without a very good reason, you are increasing health risks for your child.
Some interesting statistics can be found here for example. Formula-fed children have about twice the risk of vomiting or diarrhea during their first year. Breastfeeding is about as efficient as antibiotics in preventing ear infections. Etc.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2998971/
General references:
https://www.who.int/health-topics/breastfeeding#tab=tab_1
https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6...