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The unusual ways Western parents raise children

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Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#91

I wonder how much is caused by having both parents working. Kids were raised differently 50-70 years ago when one salary was enough for a family.

I wonder if salaries were more competitive because there were less workers? If the cultural norm was to only have one parent work, then it seems like the supply of workers essentially doubles* if both parents work, leading to less competitive wages.

*not exactly, but essentially. Yes, not everyone is married etc.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#92
post #24

>A 2016 review that looked at research on children sharing not just a room but a bed with one or more of their parents found a high prevalence in many Asian countries: Let me guess: there is a high correlation between sharing your room and poverty levels?

I don't understand needing a room for yourself before puberty strikes. Even then, sharing the room with a same-gender sibling doesn't sound too bad. It's funny because these same people go to college and share their dorm room for the 1st 2 years of university, when someone needs the most amount of privacy.

> correlation between sharing your room and poverty levels

In India, unless you are super rich, having a room to yourself is pretty rare. This becomes especially true because the richest people want to stay in the biggest cities, where the ratio of housing/income outpaces places like SF and NYC.

The priority for bedrooms usually goes as follows:

    Parents -> Grand parents -> Guests -> Kids/Servants
Only-childs in a wealthy-ish nuclear family are the only ones who get a room all to 1 person.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#93

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Honestly doctors can spread a lot of disinformation on things not biologically related. For example, our pediatrician recommended we wait until 3 to potty train our son... who at the time was already potty trained. Potty training is also something that differs widely between developed nations and rest of world.

I think that has to do with the fact that not all children are able to learn/sense it at a young age. Telling parents their kids should be potty trained before the age of 3 could have the parent put pressure on the kid resulting in worse behaviour or aversion to using the toilet, lengthening the process even further. It's just easier to advice to "start at 3". Especially since nowadays more parents both work fulltime…

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Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#95
post #87

Outside of neglect and abuse, is there really a WRONG way of raising a child? You see multiple different styles in different cultures. Some cultures where bed-sharing and baby-carrying is common also beat their kids and use other forms of punishment for disobedience. Wouldn't that be much "weirder"? It seems in Europe breastfeeding rates are really low and people use prams, but they might not beat the child as much (…

I love this take and believe in it whole-heartedly. It's very similar to how every shits on each others diets. Some people only eat rice, some potatoes, some meat, and some exclusively ocean. Humans are very versatile and durable and really can make due with most things. The same probably applies to raising children too.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#96

Definitely something that my wife and I struggle with. She's Vietnamese British, I'm Vietnamese American ; both of us current living in the U.S. Despite what our training classes recommend, we're co-sleeping with our 17 month year old daughter and it feels more intuitive.

Here in Canada it’s sometimes discouraged and criticized to co-sleep, too. I was born here and had never even heard of co-sleeping until I was in my mid twenties. I found it pretty intuitive too, but got some flack from people over it. After 3 kids I don’t really care about the criticisms anymore. They stop co-sleeping when they’re ready, and it was as simple as that. I mostly enjoyed it. Sometimes you miss having a…

You definetly learn a lot by having kids. The first kid, you measure water temp, the second kid you just put your finger in. The third one, just the kid. Slightly exagerating, but by the second kid you don't have to relly as much any more on outside advice.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#97
post #87

Outside of neglect and abuse, is there really a WRONG way of raising a child? You see multiple different styles in different cultures. Some cultures where bed-sharing and baby-carrying is common also beat their kids and use other forms of punishment for disobedience. Wouldn't that be much "weirder"? It seems in Europe breastfeeding rates are really low and people use prams, but they might not beat the child as much (…

I suspect that pram vs carrying thing has a lot more to do with practicalities then anything else. Quality of sidewalks, availability of good changing places, how far you need to go and how much stuff you carry.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#98

Of all the "weird" things we do as parents in euro/anglo nations, sleeping arrangements seems nowhere near the top. IMO, the top "offender" is over-scheduling kid's activities. So many kids in my area have their days booked solid with sports, academic tutoring, music lessons. Approaching zero free time to enjoy being a kid. Edit - and this isn't really a western thing, "Tiger Mom" and similar probably pre-dates this…

I volunteer with a U.S. Scout troop. I see boys that don't know whether or not they can go on an activity/campout because they have to ask their parents if they're free that day/weekend. I try to tell them their old enough (most are teenagers) that they should start deciding for themselves what activities they participate in. Most all of them just seem apathetic. I'm sure their parents are trying to do what is best f…

I don’t know what it means for kids to be free nowadays. Free to visit a friend’s home seems like the only thing, because everything else is a home that’s an anonymous unit or a commercial establishment that’s gated by money.

It’s not like you’re releasing your child to be raised by the experiences of the village.

With that in mind, many parents are probably struggling to not have their kids consumed by the web during free time, esp during COVID lockdowns.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#99

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Here in Canada it’s sometimes discouraged and criticized to co-sleep, too. I was born here and had never even heard of co-sleeping until I was in my mid twenties. I found it pretty intuitive too, but got some flack from people over it. After 3 kids I don’t really care about the criticisms anymore. They stop co-sleeping when they’re ready, and it was as simple as that. I mostly enjoyed it. Sometimes you miss having a…

> but got some flack from people How do they even know you're co-sleeping in the first place?

People are often curious about kids and child raising choices (or at least that has been our experience with our first). It comes up when talking about kids, when people are visiting our home, babysitting, etc.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#100
I recommend Sweet Sleep as a resource for anyone interested in cosleeping/bedsharing.

It gives a lot of practical advice and looks at the research to address the safety concerns. The conclusion is that bedsharing will multiply existing risk factors for SIDS but if those risk factors are already low, adding bedsharing into the mix does not increase the risk by a significant amount (assuming it's done in accordance with safety guidelines).

https://www.amazon.com/Sweet-Sleep-Nighttime-Strategies-Brea...

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