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The unusual ways Western parents raise children

bbc.com

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Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#81

Post by steve_adams_86 »

tw04 wrote: post #27
DC1350 wrote: post #18

Your kid doesn’t need their own room. In fact, neither do you. Everyone could live so much more carbon efficiently if we accepted communal living. Like dorm rooms. People all around the world rent small apartments with their extended families, and sometimes even other families. The only reason people in the west believe they need a single family home is because they’re entitled and have a weird focus on individualism…

Or, they like having sex? I'm not having sex with my kid sleeping in the same room. And I'm not particularly interested in having to manage my sex life around my kids sleep schedule. I don't know why you think adults wanting a space they can do whatever they want without their kids witnessing the activity means they have a "weird focus on individualism".

You’re right, that part is the worst part in my experience.

I think whatever allows the parents to be happy and take the best care of their kids is ideal. If they need sex to stay close (very normal) then so be it. I think modeling a close and loving relationship is great for kids.

We co-slept with our kids and it was terrible for our sex life. I don’t regret it - the kids loved it and it made a lot of things easier, but I have a hard time imagining how you’d tackle the sex aspect without a great support network and flexible work - anything to allow more time alone here and there.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#82

Post by meowster »

alistairSH wrote: post #29

Of all the "weird" things we do as parents in euro/anglo nations, sleeping arrangements seems nowhere near the top. IMO, the top "offender" is over-scheduling kid's activities. So many kids in my area have their days booked solid with sports, academic tutoring, music lessons. Approaching zero free time to enjoy being a kid. Edit - and this isn't really a western thing, "Tiger Mom" and similar probably pre-dates this…

I volunteer with a U.S. Scout troop. I see boys that don't know whether or not they can go on an activity/campout because they have to ask their parents if they're free that day/weekend. I try to tell them their old enough (most are teenagers) that they should start deciding for themselves what activities they participate in. Most all of them just seem apathetic.

I'm sure their parents are trying to do what is best for their children, but it doesn't seem to be working.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#83

Post by meowster »

steve_adams_86 wrote: post #49
itsmemattchung wrote: post #17

Definitely something that my wife and I struggle with. She's Vietnamese British, I'm Vietnamese American ; both of us current living in the U.S. Despite what our training classes recommend, we're co-sleeping with our 17 month year old daughter and it feels more intuitive.

Here in Canada it’s sometimes discouraged and criticized to co-sleep, too. I was born here and had never even heard of co-sleeping until I was in my mid twenties. I found it pretty intuitive too, but got some flack from people over it. After 3 kids I don’t really care about the criticisms anymore. They stop co-sleeping when they’re ready, and it was as simple as that. I mostly enjoyed it. Sometimes you miss having a…

> but got some flack from people

How do they even know you're co-sleeping in the first place?

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#84

Post by meowster »

sgarrity wrote: post #57

Yes! As a person raising kids in "the Western way", we ARE weird. Obviously, this is a broad oversimplification, but I do think the way we manage our kids time and limit their freedom is problematic. That said, I think many of the problems stem from good intentions and unintended consequences. For example: 1. We don't want our kids to get hit by a car, so we tell them only to play in the back yard. 2. In many homes,…

I'll copy a comment I wrote elsewhere in this thread:

I volunteer with a U.S. Scout troop. I see boys that don't know whether or not they can go on an activity/campout because they have to ask their parents if they're free that day/weekend. I try to tell them their old enough (most are teenagers) that they should start deciding for themselves what activities they participate in. Most all of them just seem apathetic.

I'm sure their parents are trying to do what is best for their children, but it doesn't seem to be working.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#85

Post by benjohnson »

christiansakai wrote: post #55
statictype wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Its less prevalent in Asia than it used to be. I got hit as a kid. It wasnt a big deal. But we dont as a rule, discipline our own son in the same way.

I got hit a lot as well. It wasn't a big deal. My brother got hit a lot as well. I grew up antisocial and my brother grew up super social. It is not the hit, it is the words. Parents manipulate their children using words, and that's worse in my eyes.

Agreed - my dad spanked me, but my mother spoke her contempt for me with words.

The bruises healed much more quickly than the emotional scaring.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#86

Post by benjohnson »

TomK32 wrote: post #41
easton wrote: post #35

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Isn’t the whole point of hitting your kids to make them fear it and therefore not do whatever it is that made it happen? (whether or not this works or wouldn’t be accomplished in a more humane way is a different story)

You don't need violence to reach this goal.

My kids got to play in the front yard because I knew they wouldn't run out into traffic.

They didn't run out into traffic because they knew that doing that was stupid and dad would swat their butt.

Consequently, my children got to meet people walking on the sidewalk. They got to explore the neighborhood and walk to school at a young age.

A reasonable trade - a bit of dicipline that opens up their world. It has served them well.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#87

Post by dlisboa »

Outside of neglect and abuse, is there really a WRONG way of raising a child?

You see multiple different styles in different cultures. Some cultures where bed-sharing and baby-carrying is common also beat their kids and use other forms of punishment for disobedience. Wouldn't that be much "weirder"? It seems in Europe breastfeeding rates are really low and people use prams, but they might not beat the child as much (or at all). Is that the wrong way?

It seems to me people who are loved and cared for as children are raised and generally become well-adjusted and happy individuals. I fear parents are being constantly judged now for not doing the latest thing that some research found, the latest fad that may or may not have a tiny effect on the child's life itself. It probably gives people a lot of anxiety that they might be doing something terribly wrong for the child for not having the right crib height, or not sleeping in the same bed, or not playing Mozart at the right time or whatever.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#88

Post by LegitShady »

genrez wrote: post #68
LegitShady wrote: post #3

No,no it's not. Things can be different without being weird. Weird is a judgement while different is a fact. For example, I could say BBC opinion pieces are weird garbage but that would be an opinion. I could say "man it's weird this is so high up on hackernews with no comments and six points", that would be an opinion too.

I think that the article is trying to point out that some western parenting practices are potentially harmful to infants. In this case, "weird" is a very kind way of expressing the articles concern.

It doesn't, though. It mentions sids a lot but then quotes a doctor to say the research is unclear. Other countries experience sids at reduced rates but its not clear if thats because of bed sharing, and there's no evidence in the article one way or another.

If they want to point out potential harmful behaviours, they should do that, and then they would get called out on doing so with little to no evidence. Instead they went with "weird" because they have no argument per se.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#89

Post by stronglikedan »

nomdep wrote: post #34
itsmemattchung wrote: post #17

Definitely something that my wife and I struggle with. She's Vietnamese British, I'm Vietnamese American ; both of us current living in the U.S. Despite what our training classes recommend, we're co-sleeping with our 17 month year old daughter and it feels more intuitive.

So - if you don't mind the question, sorry for asking if you do - how/when you have sex?

https://www.amazon.com/portal-migration/bestsellers/baby-pro...

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#90

Post by benjohnson »

statstutor wrote: post #25
alex_anglin wrote: post #8

Another great example of Betteridge's law.

Nothing culturally Western will ever be considered weird by people in the West, by definition.

Quite the contrary - we seem to have made a sport of hating our own culture. Even the good bits.
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