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The unusual ways Western parents raise children

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Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#121

Post by sdevonoes »

alistairSH wrote: post #29

Of all the "weird" things we do as parents in euro/anglo nations, sleeping arrangements seems nowhere near the top. IMO, the top "offender" is over-scheduling kid's activities. So many kids in my area have their days booked solid with sports, academic tutoring, music lessons. Approaching zero free time to enjoy being a kid. Edit - and this isn't really a western thing, "Tiger Mom" and similar probably pre-dates this…

Best decision my parents made for me when I was kid: no extra activities after school, no summer camps, no music lessons, etc, no soccer teams, etc.

I did have "unofficial summer camps", I did play some music instruments (without teachers), I did play a lot of soccer (without teams, just in the street)... I (and the kids in my neighbourhood) did all of these without adults.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#122

Post by timerol »

threatofrain wrote: post #98
meowster wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I volunteer with a U.S. Scout troop. I see boys that don't know whether or not they can go on an activity/campout because they have to ask their parents if they're free that day/weekend. I try to tell them their old enough (most are teenagers) that they should start deciding for themselves what activities they participate in. Most all of them just seem apathetic. I'm sure their parents are trying to do what is best f…

I don’t know what it means for kids to be free nowadays. Free to visit a friend’s home seems like the only thing, because everything else is a home that’s an anonymous unit or a commercial establishment that’s gated by money. It’s not like you’re releasing your child to be raised by the experiences of the village. With that in mind, many parents are probably struggling to not have their kids consumed by the web durin…

There are plenty of areas open to the public that are accessible to children: playgrounds, libraries, schoolyards, skateparks, large underused parking lots, malls, public pools. Some places have great nature nearby: beaches, creeks, rivers, hills, and mountains. Some of those are more dangerous than others, but they are all accessible if the parent allows it.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#123

Post by [deleted] »

kkwteh wrote: post #47

From the perspective of the Lindy principle it is weird. I have an eighteen-month old child and have been reading a lot about child rearing since my wife got pregnant. It’s taboo to say this, and I’m sorry if this offends anyone, but I suspect that a lack of adult attention in the first three years of life is a principal factor in the rising autism rates we’re seeing in modern economies. This would explain why autism…

[deleted]

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#124

Post by zekrioca »

meowster wrote: post #83
steve_adams_86 wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Here in Canada it’s sometimes discouraged and criticized to co-sleep, too. I was born here and had never even heard of co-sleeping until I was in my mid twenties. I found it pretty intuitive too, but got some flack from people over it. After 3 kids I don’t really care about the criticisms anymore. They stop co-sleeping when they’re ready, and it was as simple as that. I mostly enjoyed it. Sometimes you miss having a…

> but got some flack from people How do they even know you're co-sleeping in the first place?

The person probably shared private parenting habits and received such criticism..

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#125

Post by richardwhiuk »

newsbinator wrote: post #112
dlisboa wrote: post #87

Outside of neglect and abuse, is there really a WRONG way of raising a child? You see multiple different styles in different cultures. Some cultures where bed-sharing and baby-carrying is common also beat their kids and use other forms of punishment for disobedience. Wouldn't that be much "weirder"? It seems in Europe breastfeeding rates are really low and people use prams, but they might not beat the child as much (…

> It seems to me people who are loved and cared for as children are raised and generally become well-adjusted and happy individuals. Is there evidence that people who are tolerated and fed/clothed but not super-loved or super cared-for as children have worse outcomes as adults (adjusting for socio-economic class)?

Yes.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#126

Post by gonehome »

meowster wrote: post #82
alistairSH wrote: post #29

Of all the "weird" things we do as parents in euro/anglo nations, sleeping arrangements seems nowhere near the top. IMO, the top "offender" is over-scheduling kid's activities. So many kids in my area have their days booked solid with sports, academic tutoring, music lessons. Approaching zero free time to enjoy being a kid. Edit - and this isn't really a western thing, "Tiger Mom" and similar probably pre-dates this…

I volunteer with a U.S. Scout troop. I see boys that don't know whether or not they can go on an activity/campout because they have to ask their parents if they're free that day/weekend. I try to tell them their old enough (most are teenagers) that they should start deciding for themselves what activities they participate in. Most all of them just seem apathetic. I'm sure their parents are trying to do what is best f…

It gets beaten out of you and the easiest response is to just give up and wait it out.

“You don’t want to do this anymore? You need this for college, you shouldn’t quit everything you do, I wish I could have done this” etc.

Eventually it’s just easier to passively suffer whatever activity you dislike and just recognize the starting cost to trying new things is extreme.

> “ I try to tell them their old enough (most are teenagers) that they should start deciding for themselves what activities they participate in.”

I’d start with asking them about what their parents are like.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#127

Post by tw04 »

germinalphrase wrote: post #110
tw04 wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Drop the kids of at school/daycare So, while we're both working? >grandparents One is on the other side of the country, the other is 2 hours away. So... sex three days a year?

Do you assume the child never sleeps? Even co-sleeping, our son would go to sleep before us (either staying in the bed on the floor or being transferred to a crib). There can be other places in the home to be intimate.

>Do you assume the child never sleeps? Even co-sleeping, our son would go to sleep before us (either staying in the bed on the floor or being transferred to a crib). There can be other places in the home to be intimate.

I assume that banging in the kitchen is a fun adventure sometimes, but I'd prefer to do it in my bed most of the time. And accusing me of being "oddly focused on the individual" is both wildly inaccurate and quite frankly a lazy attempt at trying to explain why people want privacy. On this site, of all places, I'd expect better.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#128

Post by rootusrootus »

ed25519FUUU wrote: post #45
jokethrowaway wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What your doctor / nationalised health care system is recommending sounds like a good approach

Honestly doctors can spread a lot of disinformation on things not biologically related. For example, our pediatrician recommended we wait until 3 to potty train our son... who at the time was already potty trained. Potty training is also something that differs widely between developed nations and rest of world.

> Potty training is also something that differs widely between developed nations and rest of world.

And between kids. My daughter just up and decided at around 18 months or so that she was done with diapers and would use the big girl potty. Not one accident. My son was more apathetic about the whole thing, and it was sometime past his third birthday before he finally started using the toilet to poop in.

The piece of advice that stuck with me ... don't bother trying, they'll do it themselves when they're ready, and you probably can't accelerate it.

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#129

Post by AlexandrB »

kkwteh wrote: post #47

From the perspective of the Lindy principle it is weird. I have an eighteen-month old child and have been reading a lot about child rearing since my wife got pregnant. It’s taboo to say this, and I’m sorry if this offends anyone, but I suspect that a lack of adult attention in the first three years of life is a principal factor in the rising autism rates we’re seeing in modern economies. This would explain why autism…

> On the contrary, Kanner held tightly to his original proposal that autism was an innate condition, which was widely understood to mean it had a genetic basis. His behavioral observations of parents contributed to a breakthrough concept that is wholly consistent with genes being a key part of the autism story. Instead of parenting causing autism, Kanner’s idea — which has since been validated — was that autism (and its genetic roots) underlies some of the behavior in a subset of parents.

[1] https://www.spectrumnews.org/opinion/viewpoint/correcting-th...

Re: The unusual ways Western parents raise children

#130

Post by Clewza313 »

timerol wrote: post #122
threatofrain wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don’t know what it means for kids to be free nowadays. Free to visit a friend’s home seems like the only thing, because everything else is a home that’s an anonymous unit or a commercial establishment that’s gated by money. It’s not like you’re releasing your child to be raised by the experiences of the village. With that in mind, many parents are probably struggling to not have their kids consumed by the web durin…

There are plenty of areas open to the public that are accessible to children: playgrounds, libraries, schoolyards, skateparks, large underused parking lots, malls, public pools. Some places have great nature nearby: beaches, creeks, rivers, hills, and mountains. Some of those are more dangerous than others, but they are all accessible if the parent allows it.

In the US, if the children in question are under 12 and going to any of those places unsupervised, they're likely to get the police and/or CPS called on them.
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