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Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

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Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#211

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"By choice", a Hobson's choice, perhaps. You're clearly so invested in this ideal that you even retroactively shoehorn acts against or apathetic to it in the same framework. This isn't worth discussing because the conception of democracy you're operating under is simplistic and incorrect.

> a Hobson's choice, perhaps. I agree that it's the current state. But, I don't believe that it must be this way by some natural law. Maybe that's where we depart. > so invested in this ideal I'm invested in the notion that somewhere between where we are now and the ideal state is possible, and that we'd be far better off reaching for it. What alternative are you proposing? > retroactively shoehorn acts against or ap…

I'm invested in the notion that somewhere between where we are now and the ideal state is possible, and that we'd be far better off reaching for it.

This I can agree with. Even if the ideal state cannot be attained, we're really far from even an approximation of it.

You're simply stating an endemic problem of which most semi-conscious people are aware. But, what's your conclusion?

I'm trying to say that democracy should not be revered as much as it is, but that more importantly people tend to be ignorant of its machinations. They completely set aside hugely important details like voting systems (such that FPTP guarantees party dichotomy as per Duverger's law), externalities, fraud, gerrymandered districts, and the idea that we should vote on people instead of policies.

The latter is ass-backwards by all measures. Vote policies and have the people fill in the demand for their execution. Instead you have a system that incentivizes deceptive and bombastic political campaigns with an extremely narrow ideological set. When you refuse to participate, you're told you can't complain. When you do participate and your candidate turns out to be a total actor, then again it's your fault for electing them, but remember, folks - democracy is the worst form of government, except all the others. Which is why the way we do democracy is absolutely infallibly correct.

It's more likely that your conception of my conception is simplistic and incorrect.

Perhaps, but your original comments were quite rude in the way you shoehorned life into a primitive idea of "voting". There's something about democracy that it has become a secular icon which shuts off people's ability to reason, and makes them refuse to improve their axioms.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#212

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Investing money, creating new products, and all the other things we do are wonderful games and can be a lot of fun, but it's important to remember that it's all just a game. I feel like this sentiment is very common, but is implicitly stating that all of the other things, family, friends, personal health etc... are not games - when I don't see why that would be the case. Nothing distinguishes those things for me. Cre…

What are the things that—on your deathbed—you expect to regret? Will it be that you didn't spend as much time as you could've with your parents before they died? How about with your siblings? Maybe it was all of the times that you didn't make it to your kids' soccer games, piano recitals, school plays, or graduations? Or will it be that you didn't spend nearly enough nights at the office fixing your social media star…

> What are the things that—on your deathbed—you expect to regret?

Dying.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#213
post #72

For those like me that are wondering what is going on, apparently some Silicon Valley executive died recently.

Thanks. That's the tl;dr I needed. Coming from the UK, this made no sense whatsoever to me.

You don't have Google in the UK?

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#215
post #151

Can anyone summarize that long text?

A woman who is relatively famous in some technology circles lost her husband (also famous in the tech community) suddenly due to a tragic accident. Her post comes at the end of a religious mourning period and she reflects upon how she has learned to accept help and work to move on after such a harrowing experience.

It's a pretty good read, and I'm sure it's heartfelt. As others here have mentioned, it's odd to see something intensely personal and thoughtful in a social media post, and it's tempting to dismiss it as a trite attempt at attention-seeking (given the medium) but I don't believe that to be the case.

For the segment of the HN community that hasn't followed the professional activities of Sheryl Sandberg or Dave Goldberg, however, the post will have little relevance other than perhaps some shared personal experiences and sympathy for the loss of the family.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#216
post #70

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Today, 21,000 children died from causes that are preventable. I don't see any posts on HN about that. Guinae after ebola: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9544278 Why murder rates matter to humanitarians: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9519472 Rohingya screen light portraits (Internet huts used by refugees) https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=9194870 Socio economic impact Of Ebola: https://news.ycombinat…

Guinae after ebola: 1 point Why murder rates matter to humanitarians: 1 point Rohingya screen light portraits (Internet huts used by refugees): 1 point Etc. Thanks for the validation.

Perhaps people, not just HN, just aren't interested in those topics. Show me one forum where those topics are popular.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#217
post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I can confirm this. It has been 15 years since my son died. On a day-to-day basis there is a new normality in my life and the emotion surrounding his loss is locked tightly in a box. There is plenty of happiness and plenty of new happiness in my life. However, at all of the happiest moments in my life the box is opened and I am reminded that we are missing the one thing that would make this moment complete. This is w…

I cannot even imagine your pain. I have two small children, and if either of them were to die, I just don't know what I'd do. Thank you for sharing this most terrible of experiences. I genuinely appreciate it.

This is my greatest fear. This is the one thing that can paralyze me late at night when my mind wanders and wonders about what can go wrong in regards to my two daughters.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#218

Joe Biden's speech in 2012 touches upon similar themes that Sheryl writes about. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwZ6UfXm410&t=5m10s "I have to tell you. I used to resent people. They'd come up to me and say, 'Joe, I know how you feel. I know, right? I knew they meant well. I knew they were genuine. But you knew they didn't have any damn idea." "For the first time in my life, I understood how someone could consciousl…

> Because they’d been to the top of the mountain, and they > just knew in their heart they’d never get there again, > that it was never going to get — never going to be that > way ever again And Sheryl says: > I know I will never feel pure joy again. Those who have > said, “You will find a new normal, but it will never be > as good” comfort me more because they know and speak the > truth Is this attitude ... normal?…

After losing a parent >10 years ago: at first there's a gaping hole in the world, but the world knits itself back together and in its new configuration you find happiness like anyone else. But you know it's a diminished world. It's missing something wonderful, which most people don't even know about.

It's not something I dwell on, but the grief still comes out now and then. Just my experience, and I don't presume to know what it's like losing a child or spouse.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#219
post #33
post #12

Reading this took me back to the experience of grieving for my dad. The realization that it will never be okay, but that I can become more okay with it never being okay. The bizarre feeling of grief so unbearable and yet it being one of the few connections left to someone so important to me, and so being unwilling to let go of it. Even to this day, I revel in that grief. I've learned to look at it as consequence of s…

As someone experiencing grief for the first time one and a half weeks ago, I'm beginning to understand that bizarreness of grief - the ups and downs, that void.. A lot of people I've spoken to who have experienced grief tell me the same thing - that it will never be ok, but that you can become more ok with it - that you will have moments where you briefly forget and that you get more of these moments over time. I cou…

It’s not sobbing, collapsing, moaning grief. It’s phantom-limb pain. It aches, it throbs, there’s nothing there, and yet you never want it to go away.

Final lines from "The Day I Started Lying to Ruth: A cancer doctor on losing his wife to cancer", http://nymag.com/news/features/cancer-peter-bach-2014-5/

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#220
post #106

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A 32 year old lecturing a (supposed) 20-something about life experience. I guess cynicism is becoming younger and younger.

I was more cynical than he is at 32 when I was 14. On the one hand, I've learned to be more idealistic, but on the other hand, with how things are these days, what sort of worldview do you expect kids to learn? Since when should youth be so flagrantly ignorant as to form a worldview of sunshine and daisies while terrorism, corruption, and destructive climate change take up most of the headline space?

People have been asking this same basic question for years - heck, vast swaths of literature have been devoted to this basic question. The shortest answer I can come up with is that, if you look at it with a wide enough lens, the world fundamentally sucks. War, terror, corruption and the like are part of the human condition so as long as we exist, so will the darkness. In my mind, the key is to turn off the news, shut down a web browser and simplify, but my key likely won't work in your lock.

Have you ever read The Sun Also Rises?? Hemingway struggles with similar questions and he's a far better writer than I am!! :)

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