Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband • Hacker News Board

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#181

Post by alchemism » Thu, Jun 04, 2015, 1:50 PM UTC

Dewie3 wrote: post #106

bad_user wrote: post #66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You should be a little careful. The odd thing about creative professionals, which includes most software developers, is that if you take Maslow's hierarchy of needs as the truth for the general population, for creative professionals this pyramid of needs is inverted. You see, most creative professionals are profoundly unhappy people. This is because the equation for happiness is usually easy - your expectations have…

A 32 year old lecturing a (supposed) 20-something about life experience. I guess cynicism is becoming younger and younger.

There's a relevant old saying that comes to mind: "Don't Trust Anyone Over Thirty."

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#182

Post by AndrewKemendo » Thu, Jun 04, 2015, 1:56 PM UTC

mattlutze wrote: post #134

AndrewKemendo wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Investing money, creating new products, and all the other things we do are wonderful games and can be a lot of fun, but it's important to remember that it's all just a game. I feel like this sentiment is very common, but is implicitly stating that all of the other things, family, friends, personal health etc... are not games - when I don't see why that would be the case. Nothing distinguishes those things for me. Cre…

We wouldn't be quoting Paul Buchheit or talking about Dave Sandberg if they hadn't sacrificed some of those relationships, or health for the products and platforms that we know them for. And that's the real point - legacy. Someone's legacy is not the relationships they had personally, just look at the miserable relationship failures of Steve Jobs, but their impact on bringing their vision and impact on groups outside…

But if it's futile to tell the junk from the not-, what's the argument for sacrificing your joy and happiness while "chasing the rabbit?"

Local vs. global extrema. That is to say, the person working on something thinks it's not junk - for them it's a global maximum. For observers, what the person is working on looks like a local maximum (or minimum).

The AirBnB story is a good example of this. "I want to make a way for people to pay to stay on an air-bed in my house" sounds a lot like a local minimum to the outside observer.

It sounds like a lasting impact of Dave Goldberg was the love he helped grow in his family and their friends.

Undoubtedly. Based on his work however, it looks like that is where it will stop.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#183

Post by tcfunk » Thu, Jun 04, 2015, 2:07 PM UTC

zak_mc_kracken wrote: post #30

themartorana wrote: post #17

The prayer got me the most. "Let me not die, while I am still alive..." That's powerful stuff. The idea of asking for more time like a kid in a swimming pool - just 5 more minutes! I hope I do die while I'm still alive though. Dying after I'm done living sounds worse.

I feel the other way around. I'd rather die while I'm alive (doing or living through something really exciting) than completing something exciting, then entering the dawn of life realizing that I'll never do something as exciting again, and then dying. I wanna die in the middle of having fun, not in a retirement home.

That is not how I interpret that.

I think what that means is "Don't let me be caught up in grief and mourning so much that I become the living dead." Hope that makes sense.

Basically just praying for the strength to carry on and learn from tragedy, rather than to be consumed and defeated by it.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#184

Post by saiya-jin » Thu, Jun 04, 2015, 2:09 PM UTC

bambax wrote: post #68

zak_mc_kracken wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I feel the other way around. I'd rather die while I'm alive (doing or living through something really exciting) than completing something exciting, then entering the dawn of life realizing that I'll never do something as exciting again, and then dying. I wanna die in the middle of having fun, not in a retirement home.

I agree with you; I didn't get the prayer at all. It seems to call for some «pre death» period when you're not dead yet but somehow not truly alive, and I sure don't want that. Anyway our own death is unimportant since we can't experience being dead. Death that matters is the death of others (dear ones). My payer would be: let me die any which way you want... but let me die first.

so rather than bearing the pain, you rather inflict one on closest ones? you realize there not much between (apart from everybody dying at once). you like an easy way out of things, don't you...

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#185

Post by matwood » Thu, Jun 04, 2015, 2:15 PM UTC

ivanhoe wrote: post #24

AndrewKemendo wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Investing money, creating new products, and all the other things we do are wonderful games and can be a lot of fun, but it's important to remember that it's all just a game. I feel like this sentiment is very common, but is implicitly stating that all of the other things, family, friends, personal health etc... are not games - when I don't see why that would be the case. Nothing distinguishes those things for me. Cre…

but would you really rather be remembered as a successful businessman by some strangers on Internet or as a loving human being by your own family? I'm not saying it's a bad thing, just it's not the same level of emotion... not even close

Wanting to be remembered is very narcissistic. Personally, if I have influenced people (knowing and unknowingly) positively over my life, I'll be happy. That could mean raising a child to be a good person or providing tools for people to help themselves become better. There are many ways to achieve the goal.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#186

Post by jamesrcole » Thu, Jun 04, 2015, 2:17 PM UTC

noir-york wrote: post #179

jamesrcole wrote: post #173

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think that's a ridiculous simplification.

> I don't think there's any meaningful sense in which anybody chose this society. I just showed you how: the vote. Just because its simple does not make it ridiculous.

Voting is the collective result of individual's votes. There's no sense in which it reflects an individual's choice. Nor is it like there's a singular "we" that has made a choice.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#187

Post by eli_gottlieb » Thu, Jun 04, 2015, 2:21 PM UTC

aaronbrethorst wrote: post #54

AndrewKemendo wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Investing money, creating new products, and all the other things we do are wonderful games and can be a lot of fun, but it's important to remember that it's all just a game. I feel like this sentiment is very common, but is implicitly stating that all of the other things, family, friends, personal health etc... are not games - when I don't see why that would be the case. Nothing distinguishes those things for me. Cre…

What are the things that—on your deathbed—you expect to regret? Will it be that you didn't spend as much time as you could've with your parents before they died? How about with your siblings? Maybe it was all of the times that you didn't make it to your kids' soccer games, piano recitals, school plays, or graduations? Or will it be that you didn't spend nearly enough nights at the office fixing your social media star…

> What are the things that—on your deathbed—you expect to regret?

Probably the fact that I'm dying[1].

[1] http://www.theonion.com/article/man-surrounded-by-loved-ones...

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#188

Post by eli_gottlieb » Thu, Jun 04, 2015, 2:28 PM UTC

Dewie3 wrote: post #106

bad_user wrote: post #66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You should be a little careful. The odd thing about creative professionals, which includes most software developers, is that if you take Maslow's hierarchy of needs as the truth for the general population, for creative professionals this pyramid of needs is inverted. You see, most creative professionals are profoundly unhappy people. This is because the equation for happiness is usually easy - your expectations have…

A 32 year old lecturing a (supposed) 20-something about life experience. I guess cynicism is becoming younger and younger.

I was more cynical than he is at 32 when I was 14. On the one hand, I've learned to be more idealistic, but on the other hand, with how things are these days, what sort of worldview do you expect kids to learn? Since when should youth be so flagrantly ignorant as to form a worldview of sunshine and daisies while terrorism, corruption, and destructive climate change take up most of the headline space?

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#189

Post by at-fates-hands » Thu, Jun 04, 2015, 2:51 PM UTC

aaronbrethorst wrote: post #54

AndrewKemendo wrote: post #10

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Investing money, creating new products, and all the other things we do are wonderful games and can be a lot of fun, but it's important to remember that it's all just a game. I feel like this sentiment is very common, but is implicitly stating that all of the other things, family, friends, personal health etc... are not games - when I don't see why that would be the case. Nothing distinguishes those things for me. Cre…

What are the things that—on your deathbed—you expect to regret? Will it be that you didn't spend as much time as you could've with your parents before they died? How about with your siblings? Maybe it was all of the times that you didn't make it to your kids' soccer games, piano recitals, school plays, or graduations? Or will it be that you didn't spend nearly enough nights at the office fixing your social media star…

Famous article about someone who worked with hospice patients and the question about what they regret the most:

http://www.hospicepatients.org/five-regrets-of-the-dying-bro...

It's pretty interesting, although none of the five will shock you.

Good for you for focusing on creating the life you really want. Too often people sleepwalk through life, only to wake up in their 40's and discover they've lost so much time and are disenchanted with the decisions they've made.

Re: Today is the end of sheloshim for my beloved husband

#190

Post by jbattle » Thu, Jun 04, 2015, 3:00 PM UTC

eli_gottlieb wrote: post #188

Dewie3 wrote: post #106

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A 32 year old lecturing a (supposed) 20-something about life experience. I guess cynicism is becoming younger and younger.

I was more cynical than he is at 32 when I was 14. On the one hand, I've learned to be more idealistic, but on the other hand, with how things are these days, what sort of worldview do you expect kids to learn? Since when should youth be so flagrantly ignorant as to form a worldview of sunshine and daisies while terrorism, corruption, and destructive climate change take up most of the headline space?

before that it was the threat of nuclear war, ecological collapse, and economic stagnation. before that it was the draft, violent racial injustice, and a nearly complete collapse of legitimacy of national leadership. Idealistic youts have always had reasons to be cynical. (and sadly typing up this list, I see how many of the reasons to be cynical remain powerful generation after generation)