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HN Help: I'm lost

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Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#261

Post by jimbokun »

alexmat wrote: post #252
jimbokun wrote: post #145

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have kids, own a TV, but don't get anything more than the basic network channels. Specifically, no Disney, no Nickleodeon, Cartoon Network, etc. When visiting friends and family who do have those channels, I'm constantly reminded this is a good thing. (Ironically, I think channels like Cartoon Network I would recommend more for adults, both for the creativity of some of the shows and for the nostalgia of the old st…

"for the nostalgia of the old stuff" I don't care for new TV shows, but I sometimes wonder about cutting kids off from a source of pop-culture for their generation. It may not seem like it to us, but for them, the crap that's on now will be the stuff they watch on Cartoon Network in 20 years and laugh about or turn into surreal parodies. Maybe moderation is a better solution?

The underlying question is to what extent do you want your children to be passively absorbed into the prevailing culture. There is a lot about the prevailing culture that we don't endorse, and I would hope that's true for most parents. If left to their own devices without a screen in front of them, our kids can get pretty creative with drawing, making little crafts, building stuff with their toys, reading books they picked out on their own from the library, playing outside, etc. etc. I'll take that over some nostalgic cartoon memories any day.

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#262

Post by dstorrs »

This is well after the fact, but I'll post it here for anyone who might find this thread later, and I'll email you about it.

First off, as other people have said, talk to your wife. Trusting her to be your partner and a source of strength when you need it is a tremendous compliment to her, and shows your relationship is solid.

Second, assess your situation rationally. Compile a budget of what you've actually been spending; you'll be surprised to find out how much of it is discretionary. Got a Netflix account? Cancel it and watch things you already own; better yet, play board- and card-games with the family.

Read the entries on http://sandratayler.livejournal.com/tag/frugal+living to get some tips on living on a budget. Sandra and Howard Tayler (of Schlock Mercenary fame) have done a good job of raising, IIRC, 5 kids and done it on a monthly budget that is less than many New Yorkers spend on a "special occasion" steak dinner.

Third, whatever venture you pursue, build it around a business model so that there is or will eventually be income. Then, make sure you don't slack, but don't go nuts either--treat it like a job with defined working hours but set aside specific time to be with your family. It's important that neither you nor your wife feel that you (lostsheep) are contributing to the family and not just lazing around letting her do all the work. It's also important that you don't trade one workaholic addiction for another.

Good luck, and I hope some of this helps.

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#263

Post by jyellin »

The first thing that you must realize is that you are NOT alone with this unfortunate thought process. Some background on me...I am a motivational speaker, writer, personal trainer, entrepreneur, life coach, etc. The reason I provide this background information is more for social proof than anything else because I have spent years of my life studying the human psyche, identity theory, and emotional pain. What I have learned is that our country has been inflicted with a disease, a plague of far reaching magnitude, where almost every person is negatively affected. I have coined this catastrophic dilemma as an IDENTITY CRISIS where you begin to live the life that someone or something has created on your behalf. This is what you are experiencing because at some point their was a "PAIN" which surfaced in your world, that never had the opportunity to heal, but in order to eliminate this emotion, you subconsciously allowed this wound to scab over. As you have evolved, this pain was never healed, and instead masked, but now it has SURFACED once again. I would like to assist you through this process because I have worked with countless people who also experienced exactly what you are going through. In the meantime, please invest in yourself, and visit my website (www.jaredyellin.com) and subscribe. Everything is FREE and I believe this is will enable you to begin the process of thinking differently about your life. With all of this being said, I want you to remember, that you are NEVER alone!

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#264

Post by Sukotto »

axod wrote: post #93
ganley wrote: post #84

Earlier quoted context omitted.

His family might disagree.

Yeah its one thing to deprive yourself of things, but when you start depriving your offspring of things, that's tough. Having a family changes all the goalposts.

Your duty to your offspring is to 1) raise them to be contributing members of society 2) be capable to care for themselves 3) be capable to care for their own offspring.

You have no duty to provide "stuff" and failing to give them stuff is not deprivation.

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#265

Post by jacquesm »

oz wrote: post #258
jacquesm wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, as I said, it isn't for everybody. But here is my take on it: I'd rather be poor and happy than secure any day, and I live my life accordingly. I take risks, sometimes I win, sometimes I lose, on balance it seems to come out roughly even. Case in point, a bunch of people in Canada wanted to start their own business, a local gas station was teetering on the edge of bankruptcy, I put together a package to be able…

Security is illusionary, who would you rather be dependent on, your boss or your own wits ? I don't think you know just how right you are...I'm planning to quit my job at the end of the month do some 'hustling.' I trust my ability to innovate WAY more than my boss' ability to make money. I've always had an entrepreneurial spirit. I actually got up at 4 this morning to plan how I am gonna make some money over the Chri…

Hey Oz, good luck with that let me know when you're ready to launch.

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#266

Post by jacquesm »

bluebird wrote: post #63
jacquesm wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Emigrate. Change your line of business (I went in to alternative energy for 5 years) Learn a new trade (for me: metal working, Cad-Cam) Right now I'm again going through such a phase of change, I have absolutely no idea what it is leading to but so far it has been extremely interesting. Life is all about the journey. Security in life is worth absolutely nothing, as soon as you feel that you are becoming 'secure' that…

"The price of being a wolf is loneliness. The price of being a sheep is boredom. Choose carefully what you will be."

Since you're replying to me, I guess it is appropriate to let you know that there are (a lot) more options than wolves and sheep, and that I am far from lonely.

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#267

Post by jacquesm »

hyperbovine wrote: post #220
jacquesm wrote: post #8

Every five or six years or so I purposefully turn my whole life upside-down, just to avoid the chances of getting stuck in a rut. It's not for everybody, it almost certainly will mess up your chances with 'striking it rich' because inevitably you'll be starting from 0 up again. I've been very lucky in always having the backing of those around me whenever I do this.

I assume you do not have a family...

Well, you assumed wrongly.

Re: HN Help: I'm lost

#269

Post by thetrumanshow »

amackera wrote: post #108
madaerodog wrote: post #22

quietly work on a startup while still going to your job, and when that provides enough money quit your job and grow it stronger

This might be hard, especially since he doesn't have time to spend with his own kids :(

When I was a kid, I wanted to spend more time with my dad, but he was always at work, and he was so tired in the evenings that it was difficult to engage with him.

The solution happened naturally as I grew up a bit. I would hop on my bike and go down and see him at his machine shop after school or in the middle of the day in the summer. Yes, he was busy, it's not like we were playing catch in the office, but the opportunity was there for me to tag-along and watch what he did.

I was extremely proud of him. He was the boss at his own company. I don't know what it would be like to have a dad that worked for other people, but I doubt I would have been as proud.

My mom started her own retail business too. I often would go and spend time with her during the day while she worked. There were plenty of slow times to have a chat about this or that.

In my own life, I don't yet have the privilege of working for myself, but I want to get to this point both for myself and for my kids, so not only will they have a guaranteed summer job :), but also so they can understand the value of independence.

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