HN Help: I'm lost

But I'm totally lost.

From the outside you'd be amazed to know that inside I am in terrible turmoil. You know me because of code I've written, books I've published, and my contributions here. Perhaps you follow me on Twitter. But I have reached a point in my life where I do not know what to do, or where to turn.

I'm in my early 40s, I've worked for start-ups and big companies. I made a little bit of money in the early 2000s which helped pay off a bit of mortgage. I have a family that depends on me financially. And yet I feel I have nothing to show.

I don't own my home, I don't have lots of savings, I have a job with a difficult boss. Because of the hours I work and commuting I barely see my children. I am utterly unhappy with my life.

Where should I turn? And what would you do?

I am tempted to totally change my life and stop working and create something new that will be challenging and interesting. Create something that I can do from home so that at least I am not a slave to my boss.

First, tell your wife exactly what you've written here. What you're about to do will scare the snot out of her if she doesn't understand your motivation.

The fact that you've posted something like this just about guarantees you've already decided to make a major course correction. Many people can work a lousy job they hate for 4 decades, get a gold watch at the end, and have as little to show for it at the end as you feel you have now. Looks like you're not one of them.

I wasn't one of them either. I told my wife almost exactly what you wrote up there. She asked me why it took so long, she'd know I was like that when she married me. We sold our house to be free of the mortgage, even though it was a bad time, moved into a rental and I've been working only on projects that interest me ever since. It was (is) scary. We've had to reduce our standard of living, but the days have turned from drudgery to adventure. Even if we end up living in a van down by the river, it will have been well worth it.

Only you can know whats best for you, but as someone who has walked this path, I encourage you to follow your heart. Poverty is uncomfortable, but regret is excruciating.

Edit: I'm serious about the tell your wife part. It instantly transforms her from hapless dependent (and one more worry on your mind) to co-conspirator and confidant. I just can't overstate what a difference this made for me.

We don't care when, where or how people work, as long as they kick ass. We have employees that have families, and they usually work while the kids are at school and then late at night. I'm sure there's a lot more like us around.

Seriously, take noonespecials hint and talk to your s.o., it will make a world of a difference to know that you're in it together.