Fatal silence: Why do so many fortysomething men kill themselves?

In your 40's (for a man) is realy when a lot of life's possibilities close off for you. If you haven't already set your life's trajectory to your satisfaction, you are in serious trouble. Before 40, it seems there is still time to fix things. Switch careers, move, get more education, etc.

This all happens to women to, but in their 30's, especially so with regards to family. But somehow they must deal with it better.

Is this merely dueling anecdotes (plus vacri's accusation of sexism, as if that were a real argument), or is there actual data?

I thought of my own "hard abilities" like talent in math or sports as a fixed thing or more precisely a sort of talent effort equation. I though of the environment (if I get this opportunity) as the determining wildcard. I thought of my own courage, ingenuity and strength of character as inexhaustible wells. If success hinges on my determination and strength of character, success is guaranteed. Just give me the chance. I'll take it from there.

Reality is less rosy. There is a reason we admire (or detest) those with genuinely powerful strength of character. It's rare and valuable.

At 40 (or earlier, later, I dunno exactly) your own part becomes more clear. Your failings are big. They're behind you and ahead of you. You can see them and their causes. What you haven't achieved and your role in it is clear. What you won't achieve and your inevitable role in that becomes clearer.

Failure (again, I think it's relevant that my own experience is as a man), is heartbreaking for a man. It hits us at our core. It shatters our illusions and strips us of what we allow ourselves to think we are.

It's hard being a person. It hurts being a person. It's heartbreaking. It's painful. It really is so much more than we can take, to feel all the pain in earnest.

Could this be natural, in a way? Women have always had to look after the wellbeing and social standing of their offspring, because their own survival derived from them more often than not. By 40, they either have teen-aged kids in their formative years, or they're grandmothers; in both cases, they must be at full steam. This has not changed much in modern times, if anything it's become easier to deal with (they are not going to starve if their children don't work on the farm).

Men have a different set of "natural" expectations. Fighters by 40 were either dead or veterans with respected social status; agricultural workers would be phasing out, with children taking over some of their duties. This is very different now: a lot of men at 40 have average jobs that will expect the same level of performance day-in day-out, no "phasing out" allowed (especially in tight economic times) and no real social status either. It's easy to feel dejected when looking back.