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Fatal silence: Why do so many fortysomething men kill themselves?

bbc.co.uk

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Re: Fatal silence: Why do so many fortysomething men kill themselves?

#41

Post by hising »

DanBC wrote: post #19
hising wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So how do you explain the difference between male and female? Women has lower expectations of life or they hit their expectations better than men in general?

There are a variety of attempts to explain the difference. I'm not sure how true any of these are but: 1) women self harm more frequenty than men, which means it's more likely that they get early intervention and help. 2) women communicate better than men meaning they get constant low level support and easier path into treatment 3) men use methods that are more lethal and less survivable. 4) stigma, discrimination, l…

1. Could be, I don't know the numbers, what about alcohol as self harm/medication?

2. Could be, I don't know the numbers but it sounds reasonable

3. Could be, then we should see that the numbers of suicidal attempts were as high for women in the same age.

4. Should be the same for women and men right?

Re: Fatal silence: Why do so many fortysomething men kill themselves?

#42

Post by unstabilo »

danieltillett wrote: post #26
unstabilo wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Women tend to choose less effective methods, like wrist-cutting or sleeping pills, while men are more likely to choose hanging or shoot themselves.

The interesting question here is why the difference in method choice.

Basically, what user squids wrote. For more information: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_differences_in_suicide

Re: Fatal silence: Why do so many fortysomething men kill themselves?

#43

Post by iSnow »

adventured wrote: post #16

The average age at which a man goes through his first divorce is about 36. [1] Here's the cocktail: 1) By 40 you've gotten divorced, and probably have a split family. Those post divorce years can be incredibly difficult for everyone. 2) Life hasn't worked out as you hoped, and your youth is mostly behind you. If you happen to lose a career at this juncture, it can be difficult to regain your footing due to routine ag…

Add to that that men are incredibly competitive - in the workplace, in sports, concerning women. At the age of 40, you either made it or know a lot of other guys who did and start to realize you won't be part of them.

And of course, a lot of men have as much a skewed image of their success in life as women have concerning their looks. So even moderately successful types get depressed or kill themselves because they see themselves as losers.

Re: Fatal silence: Why do so many fortysomething men kill themselves?

#44

Post by hising »

danieltillett wrote: post #14
hising wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So how do you explain the difference between male and female? Women has lower expectations of life or they hit their expectations better than men in general?

Most suicide attempts fail. Men just happen to "fail" less often than women . This is not a good outcome. Every failed suicide attempt is really a good outcome.

So there are as many attempts by women and men in that age? That is interesting.

Re: Fatal silence: Why do so many fortysomething men kill themselves?

#45

Post by rgrieselhuber »

I've had this happen to a couple friends. It seems to fit a common pattern and, as such, has a solution but I'm not going to talk about it online. Be open to breaking all the rules and rejecting everything you're told about how you should be.

Re: Fatal silence: Why do so many fortysomething men kill themselves?

#46

Post by hising »

adventured wrote: post #6
hising wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So how do you explain the difference between male and female? Women has lower expectations of life or they hit their expectations better than men in general?

Women also take anti-depressants at a higher rate than men, likely preventing some percentage of suicides. Men often seem to regard anti-depressant use as coming with a stigma or being an admission of weakness.

Are there any good numbers on this?

Re: Fatal silence: Why do so many fortysomething men kill themselves?

#47

Post by endtime »

coldtea wrote: post #13
hising wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So how do you explain the difference between male and female? Women has lower expectations of life or they hit their expectations better than men in general?

Or women get kids and the whole protection instinct comes forward, which doesn't happen to the same degree for men...

I dunno, maybe I'm unusual but I felt that instinct when I got married (actually, when I knew I was going to). Having kids only strengthened it.

Re: Fatal silence: Why do so many fortysomething men kill themselves?

#48

Post by noir_lord »

toyg wrote: post #39
LBarret wrote: post #27

I am 40 this year, and while I don't want to kill myself, I understand the feeling of having failed. It is even stronger (IMHO) if you work in start-up/tech because you're either millionaire or... obsolete. Finding inner peace is important for anybody, but even more critical at 40.

I'm 36 and I know what you mean, but I think this "success" stuff is the male equivalent of "being beautiful": something that society relentlessly pushes on us, which we should probably reject from first principles.

I'm 35 and I couldn't give a flying balls about success or what society wants (never really have).

Life is literally too short to care.

Re: Fatal silence: Why do so many fortysomething men kill themselves?

#49

Post by reitanqild »

M8 wrote: post #7
hising wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So how do you explain the difference between male and female? Women has lower expectations of life or they hit their expectations better than men in general?

This might be sexist, but some people claim that women never blame themselves for any life problems and find a way of justifying themselves no matter what.

More importantly it is wrong.

Re: Fatal silence: Why do so many fortysomething men kill themselves?

#50

Post by lmm »

hising wrote: post #41
DanBC wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There are a variety of attempts to explain the difference. I'm not sure how true any of these are but: 1) women self harm more frequenty than men, which means it's more likely that they get early intervention and help. 2) women communicate better than men meaning they get constant low level support and easier path into treatment 3) men use methods that are more lethal and less survivable. 4) stigma, discrimination, l…

1. Could be, I don't know the numbers, what about alcohol as self harm/medication? 2. Could be, I don't know the numbers but it sounds reasonable 3. Could be, then we should see that the numbers of suicidal attempts were as high for women in the same age. 4. Should be the same for women and men right?

> 4. Should be the same for women and men right?

I don't think it is. Culturally a man who's going for therapy is much more stigmatized than a woman doing so.

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