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Because it needs to be said

blogjustine.wordpress.com

151–160 of 635 posts

Re: Because it needs to be said

#151
post #106
post #103

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The problem is that ENTIRE PROFESSIONAL COMMUNITIES "drink a lot, often". Not hanging out is mutex with a top-notch career. I go and drink one drink and then switch to soda. But don't pretend that it's only some subset of the US tech industry.

I refuse to accept that as a norm. And you already proved the exception by suggesting you can just drink soda and no-one thinks any less of you.

I drink one alcohol-containing drink then switch to soda. You can refuse to accept it but that's the way young big city upwardly-mobile American culture is, coast to coast.

"Poppin' bottles" isn't just a catchphrase.

I don't even like being drunk.

Re: Because it needs to be said

#152
post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Erin" sounds like "she" has an axe to grind with Justine.

Erin == Joe O'Brien ? (rien/erin...?)

Speculation like this isn't particularly productive. It's just as likely that someone else thought of the same association as you and chose the name to impersonate.

Re: Because it needs to be said

#153

So she voluntarily lied down on a bar with her and men around her intoxicated by alcohol, hormones amplified and expecting nothing out of the usual to happen? Get real, please. Of course it is horrible but don't make it look like it was unexpected.

I don't know about you, but I do not want to live in a society where women cannot go to a bar without an expectation of being sexually assaulted. Sounds like a bug.

Re: Because it needs to be said

#154
This is sad. I don't want to be the devil advocate but I don't think we can judge here...So I will imagine the defense of Joe ;

I understand that Justine doesn't want to enter in details. But without all informations, it does seem to me that Joe could have just misunderstood Justine behavior.

"- Joe began to start rubbing my back and kissing my forehead (let me say this is not uncommon behavior between me and men I consider close friends." => Joe certainly believed that it was unique between Her and Him. He doesn't have the same pov as Justine

"- Joe then put his hands down the back of my pants, yes, I wear a thong and thus he began grabbing my ass." => Shouldn't she stop him there ?

"- Joe then started kissing me, forcibly with his tongue. I was not reciprocating." => Joe is drunk. He certainly does not remark that.

"- Joe began to put his hand down the front of my pants and finger me." => He certainly have gone to far there. But why does he wasn't stopped before and during that operation (not easy) !

"- I told Joe to stop and reminded him he had a wife and children. He said, “Don’t’ worry about it we have an agreement”" => That unfortunate, in one side (Justine), it seems to be the smartest thing to say to calm him down, in the other side (Joe), it seems like a girl who know it is wrong but wanted it if he is certain would said.

As for what we have here, it doesn't seem to me that Joe is specially an asshole (but maybe I'm wrong.), but more that this could be the results of peers pressure and mis-communication.

[Again, I don't want to judge here, just to give another pov]

It's however clear that Joe should have think about how his work relation [the fact that he is her boss...] influence that relation.

Maybe this is what the victims of assault don't tell the police. They fear that the case will be drop because of lack of details...

"- Finally Matt Darby approached me and asked if I want to go out for a smoke (I smoke, he does’t smoke, and I knew that he was trying to help) I agreed." That's a smart move. Bravo Matt.

In another subject, I'm surprised (and sad ?) that HN doesn't give any tips, tools for all the possible victims.

Re: Because it needs to be said

#155

My ex-girlfriend wrote a blog post similar to this one, accusing me of sexual assault. I volunteered to take a police polygraph test, hired a lawyer and initiated a libel suit. Fortunately, I didn’t need to go further because she suddenly changed my name & her story. But the experience was still stressful and scary. Many commenters vilified me because they assumed her information was true. Prior to being falsely accu…

posting your personal account of someone's crimes against you in a blog is not a fair or reasonable way to deal with what is clearly a very serious matter. it sounds like what happened was awful and these types of incidents are common in many predominantly male professions, e.g. law, finance. i was recently seriously harassed and more-or-less sexually assaulted by an acquaintance's wife at a wedding in a swimming poo…

> this trend of women posting their account of a sexual assault online is alarming because of what hawkharris describes: it could be false and then is plastered all over the net, irrevocably damaging the reputation of the accused.

Here is something I find curious: you are one of many commenters here literally ignoring the fact that Justine has witnesses to what happened and bringing up the hypothetical, irrelevant possibility that such an accusation could be made falsely. What gives?

Re: Because it needs to be said

#156
I think one question I have is how do we encourage a culture to not allow bystanders? It's an open question, but I hypothesize, if Joe was also my boss, would I have the courage to say something? I want to say I hope I do. I also hypothesize, what if I did say something before a victim situation took place, but as a result I was let go. Should I have stayed quiet? I ask these questions in hopes of shedding light more so on the bystander problem and the responsibility as people to speak up towards others about behaviors we know are not ok.

Re: Because it needs to be said

#157
post #136

Does his latest tweet has anything to do with this? If so it looks like he will post his version soon, for whatever it's worth.

> If so it looks like he will post his version soon

Nope:

> I will not be commenting more publicly. If you know me, I'm happy to talk in person. Thank you.

https://twitter.com/objo/status/387615899470934016

Re: Because it needs to be said

#158
post #138

Stopped reading at 'trigger warnings'.

I dislike the idea that anyone is obligated to provide trigger warnings, too, but the post has important data in it. Also, don't be so snarky for the sake of being snarky. Productive snark is okay.

My snarkiness is in fact constructive. It points out that whatever saying "trigger warnings" is supposed to achieve, it fails at doing that and turns away potential readers.

Re: Because it needs to be said

#160

I think there's a deeper cultural problem here: that the behavior of Joe had that much of an impact on Justine's life in the first place. There are women that would experience the same thing, but would not retreat into themselves in this extreme way. There are even women that would shrug it off. However, the response of Justine matches ancient societal expectations: if a woman has been violated, she loses all value.…

No, that is not a deeper problem. It may be a problem, but it is minor compared to the fact that there are vast numbers of people who think that sexually assaulting people is okay.

Different brains respond to severe emotional trauma in different ways.

I urge you to spend some time with smart people with PTSD. Collect some data and evolve your beliefs.

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