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What it's like having a kid

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Re: What it's like having a kid

#51

Post by diego »

Tyrant505 wrote: post #49
diego wrote: post #24

As someone who spent six years trying to conceive and failed, reading this post makes me feel really bad. I'd point out that it's not Hacker News, but I'd have to do that for 50% of the posts on the front page at any given time.

Does trying and failing to conceive create a job-like mentality to sex life? I know it's personal.. but for an aside sex as a task happens to a lot of relationships, without these troubles. Sorry for your troubles.

All you ever wanted to know and more:

http://www.twoweekwait.com/articles/what-no-one-told-you-abo...

(from www.reddit.com/r/infertility )

Re: What it's like having a kid

#52

Post by btilly »

tinok wrote: post #44
yarou wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, laypeople have no clue...except those who have been trained for years, both theoretically and practically, in medicine. Child birthing is a natural event, but so is dying from cancer. Does that mean one should eschew chemotherapy and radiation treatment?

Hospitals are not where mothers are supposed to give birth. They are constantly rushed to get the baby out, doctors are terrible at patient management and very quick to suggest chemical interventions, are very happy to use suctions to get the baby out and go home early, etc. 100,000 people die every year in the US from infections contracted during hospital visits, completely unrelated to the original reason for the v…

Steve Jobs at one point would have agreed with you.

That's a large part of why he's now dead.

Re: What it's like having a kid

#53

Post by btilly »

tinok wrote: post #32
btilly wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A number of things happen with an epidural that are kind of a big deal. 1. The baby is affected by the epidural, which can result in several days of grogginess, increased difficulty in establishing breast feeding, etc. 2. There is a natural amnesia for the pain of childbirth. If you get an epidural that effect gets dropped. So there may be less pain, but the woman tends to remember it more clearly. 3. An epidural gre…

Exactly. When people ask about the two home births we had, they often respond with "oh no, but what would you have done if things went wrong? How could you do that to your kid? What if there were complications??" People just refuse to realize that so-called complications that were not pre-screened by a midwife or doctor happen BECAUSE you have a hospital birth. We then get told "my friend just gave birth and the baby…

I have no opinion (and have not done research on) whether low risk births are safer in the over-medicalized environment of a hospital, or the less medically prepared environment of a house.

I do have strong opinions on people who try to encourage others to have home births without having those people screened for risk factors that indicate that a hospital is needed. Because when things go wrong in childbirth, they tend to go wrong fast. Historically a lot of women died that way. In today's world where many women have children late, have complicating conditions like diabetes, etc, there are a lot of potentially valid reasons to not give birth at home.

(My wife had two natural births in a hospital setting. As an MD who had done her research, she felt strongly about the advantages of natural childbirth. Again as an MD, she was well aware that her risk factors meant that she needed a hospital.)

Re: What it's like having a kid

#54

Post by btilly »

biesnecker wrote: post #22
scoot wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why is it that nearly everyone who has children feels the need to impart birthing advice on expectant parents, and child-rearing advice to new parents? The only advice I give now is to ignore all the advice everyone else gives.

Because being a father is the only thing I've ever done that is pretty close to being mystical, and I'm proud of it?

You may think you're a great father, but I don't know you. You're a stranger to me. I don't have any reason to believe you're any better than the last 20 people who tried to offer me contradictory unsolicited advice on how I should raise my children.

There is at this point no faster way to get in my bad books than to put your nose in my affairs and tell me how to raise my children when I didn't ask you to.

Re: What it's like having a kid

#55

Post by krie »

purephase wrote: post #25
krie wrote: post #7

Don't have kids. They will have far shittier lives, not to mention shorter, than yours, thanks to the end of cheap fossil fuels. They're also a hundred thousand dollar expense. Do not want! I suppose most of you are so prone to optimist thinking and nurturing your biological urges you won't heed my call. Ah well. Oh, and by the way, the current worldwide depression will never end. http://physics.ucsd.edu/do-the-math/…

While not as sensational, I did once buy into this line of reasoning when it came to procreation. Then I realized that we live in the most peaceful world that's ever existed, with the best medicine/life expectancy, most amazing technology, and with so much yet to discover and further improve life. It's a copout. We're not optimistic, you're pessimistic and cynical. Let others choose the lives they want to live, with…

Yes, it's the most peaceful in absolute numbers. It's also the shittiest in absolute numbers. Subsidized by cheap, surplus energy, courtesy of ancient plant and dino matter.

Re: What it's like having a kid

#56

Post by krie »

olliesaunders wrote: post #10
krie wrote: post #7

Don't have kids. They will have far shittier lives, not to mention shorter, than yours, thanks to the end of cheap fossil fuels. They're also a hundred thousand dollar expense. Do not want! I suppose most of you are so prone to optimist thinking and nurturing your biological urges you won't heed my call. Ah well. Oh, and by the way, the current worldwide depression will never end. http://physics.ucsd.edu/do-the-math/…

> Oh, and by the way, the current worldwide depression will never end. I think this is probably true. A related book is The End of Work by Jeremy Rifkin, which I highly recommend.

Another related book is "What is sustainable": http://www.amazon.com/What-Sustainable-Remembering-Our-Home/...

Re: What it's like having a kid

#57

Post by krie »

spydum wrote: post #13
krie wrote: post #7

Don't have kids. They will have far shittier lives, not to mention shorter, than yours, thanks to the end of cheap fossil fuels. They're also a hundred thousand dollar expense. Do not want! I suppose most of you are so prone to optimist thinking and nurturing your biological urges you won't heed my call. Ah well. Oh, and by the way, the current worldwide depression will never end. http://physics.ucsd.edu/do-the-math/…

alternatively, my kid(s) will be the ones to change the course for humanity, and slingshot us to the next revolution.

Nobody has even come close at finding anything as useful as hydrocarbons. I bid you good luck. If he's < 5 he won't even have the chance as we're past the net energy peak from oil.

Re: What it's like having a kid

#58

Post by johnnyn »

diego wrote: post #50
yarou wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Have you thought about fertility and genetic counseling? (apologies if you already have, I realize this is a very personal and sensitive subject). For what it's worth, my parents conceived twice before I was born, both miscarriages, yet I turned out alright.

I've done everything you can think of and more. We actually conceived once, it was a miscarriage. Edit: if you really want to know, we fertilized a total of 19 embryos in 4 attempts over the years. Only two of those were deemed implantable by the PGD (preimplantation genetic diagnosis) and both failed to implant. Each time it was a two-week wait between implantation and learning about the failure, knowing that there…

Sorry to hear about all of your troubles Diego. Wishing you the best and hope it works out at some point. I've had quite a few friends go through the very same thing (fertility treatments, miscarriages) -- such difficult experiences.

Re: What it's like having a kid

#59

Post by quasque »

gnosis wrote: post #26
quasque wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"But the kids never asked to be born. As parents, you are essentially forcing life upon another being." This is illogical. They can't ask to be born because they are not born yet. In your argument, the arrow of time is pointing in the wrong direction. And the parents are not forcing life upon a being like some sort of genitals-based Dr Frankenstein rigmarole - they are creating the being.

"They can't ask to be born because they are not born yet." That's the point. They don't have a choice in the matter. The choice is entirely the parents' (assuming it's not an accident or rape).

You are trying to support your point by arguing against a tautology. This doesn't make any sense.

Re: What it's like having a kid

#60

Post by Luc »

johnnyn wrote: post #9
kaybe wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> We had debated the decision of receiving an epidural a great deal because some believe it’s not a “natural birth” if you get an epidural and I’d put us at a midrange granola level with our lives in general, but we decided that for us, for her, it was the right thing to do. I'm also confused. Is this a decision that is made as a couple?

Of course. It is not necessary unless you want it for the pain. A doctor might suggest it but it is ultimately a decision made by the couple.

> [...] a decision made by the couple.

Haha, I've never heard such a notion, that pain relief should be co-decided by the woman's partner. I certainly never presumed to have any input in that.

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