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Never Lie About Who You Really Are

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Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#151

Post by laMaquinaVerde »

Dylan16807 wrote: post #145
latinohere wrote: post #125

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm getting tired of my current HN account so let me trash it. Fuck Gays. I'm Jose Gutierres from the Bronx in case you want to beat me up. There, no more walking on egg-shells. In all seriousness, being too PC is also harmful. I'm not homophobic but really dislike that you cannot have a conversation without somebody getting but hurt. And to finish it off. Fuck muslims, hindus, christians, mexicans, jews, scientologi…

Your account is a week old with 9 posts!

And it won't be my last! Bwhaaaaaaaa! (Evil maniacal laugh, but mainly maniacal) [And thus a new account is born]

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#152

Post by ahelwer »

crikli wrote: post #146

The inference of this paragraph bugs me: "Last week, the pest control guy came to the door. "Are you Mr. Smith?" he says. "No, I'm Mr. Pallotta, Mr. Smith's partner," I reply. "Partner?" he asks. I'm being questioned in my own home. "Yes, partner," I answer. "We're a gay couple." "Oh," he says, trying to process this and maintain his composure." The writer assumes that because the pest control guy doesn't immediately…

I think you're assuming a lot more about the writer than the writer assumed about the pest control guy. There's very little reason to doubt his reading of the situation, as I'm sure he's encountered it many, many times.

Also, holy crap this entire thread is full of smug heteronormative privilege. HN, I expect better.

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#153

Post by Lost_BiomedE »

tomrod wrote: post #61
user24 wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was in a relationship with my partner for 11 years before we got married. "Girlfriend" doesn't really do it justice.

Interesting. Many places, being together that long is known as a common-law marriage.

and some places have the requirement of length of time and publicly stating that you are man and wife. This causes some to be very careful of saying wife for the sake of brevity. Girlfriend doesn't distinguish between a year and 5+ years, so many people will default to partner, better half, or significant other.

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#154

Post by lotharbot »

jpxxx wrote: post #106
king_jester wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Except it's totally not, being straight in most places in the world is the default and everyone is seen through a lens of being straight. Coming out refers to revealing to people that you are not straight.

Fine, I'll yield the semantic argument. "Coming out" in the context of sexuality typically refers to homosexuals publicly expressing their preference for the first time and adjusting their public identity to match. I was attacking the idea that most aren't judged upon first expressing their sexual desires. It's important anywhere and everywhere. Bringing home a partner of a different color? Size? Class? "Looks"? Judg…

People are judged for their relationships in general.

People are judged for who they have sex with based on all sorts of physical characteristics (sex, skin tone, size, looks, etc.) as well as social attributes (economics, religion, behavioral awkwardness).

People are also judged for not having sex with certain people (being monogamous, or especially being a virgin over age 30). Or for people they hang out with in non-sexual relationships in general (friends from different race, class, religion, or sports fandom).

Relationships of all sorts are important anywhere and everywhere and never not a big deal.

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#155

Post by mnicole »

jiggy2011 wrote: post #101
elemenohpee wrote: post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Notice that all the examples he gave were cases where a stranger made an assumption that put him in the position of either telling them he was gay or lying about it. It's interesting that commenters here keep having to invent a scenario where the guy was going around shouting to every passerby that he was gay. Yes, there are no cab drivers anywhere who might be perturbed by someone saying they are gay. Thanks jiggy20…

Outside of maybe very conservative areas or muslim countries I would imagine a cab driver being perturbed by gay people would not be in the business very long. I don't hang around in typically "gay" circles or even know that many people in general but I know enough gay people that homosexuality is not surprising for me at all. For the purposes of casual conversation with strangers, if someone asks about a wife surely…

> homosexuality is not surprising for me at all.

It's not that it "surprises" a lot of people (although often enough it does), it's that they don't understand it and they don't agree with it, and many feel like their religious beliefs justify being vocal about it. Being trapped in a car with someone like this is uncomfortable, particularly when they could leave you stranded at the drop of a hat.

A friend was recently sexually assaulted by a cab driver who was out on bail and back to work the next day. It's naive to think that because of their job that they are any less prone to having an opinion and saying or doing something socially unacceptable because of it.

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#156

Post by nvmc »

ahelwer wrote: post #152
crikli wrote: post #146

The inference of this paragraph bugs me: "Last week, the pest control guy came to the door. "Are you Mr. Smith?" he says. "No, I'm Mr. Pallotta, Mr. Smith's partner," I reply. "Partner?" he asks. I'm being questioned in my own home. "Yes, partner," I answer. "We're a gay couple." "Oh," he says, trying to process this and maintain his composure." The writer assumes that because the pest control guy doesn't immediately…

I think you're assuming a lot more about the writer than the writer assumed about the pest control guy. There's very little reason to doubt his reading of the situation, as I'm sure he's encountered it many, many times. Also, holy crap this entire thread is full of smug heteronormative privilege. HN, I expect better.

I suppose anything that doesn't conform to your world-view is 'smug heteronormative privilege'. If you want a big happy feel-good discussion I suggest you go back to Tumblr. HN is for constructive discussion.

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#157

Post by nollidge »

crikli wrote: post #146

The inference of this paragraph bugs me: "Last week, the pest control guy came to the door. "Are you Mr. Smith?" he says. "No, I'm Mr. Pallotta, Mr. Smith's partner," I reply. "Partner?" he asks. I'm being questioned in my own home. "Yes, partner," I answer. "We're a gay couple." "Oh," he says, trying to process this and maintain his composure." The writer assumes that because the pest control guy doesn't immediately…

Yeah, I agree! I bet the pest control didn't actually say those exact words, either! You know, I wonder if there actually was a pest control guy at all--I bet it was really a plumber!

Man, I just can't trust this author at all anymore. Thanks for pointing this out. Thanks also for explaining the ambiguity of the English language to all of us, as well as some of the really interesting machinations people sometimes go through for conversational hesitation. It's information very few people realize and really contributed a lot to the discourse here on HN.

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#158

Post by timbre »

crikli wrote: post #146

The inference of this paragraph bugs me: "Last week, the pest control guy came to the door. "Are you Mr. Smith?" he says. "No, I'm Mr. Pallotta, Mr. Smith's partner," I reply. "Partner?" he asks. I'm being questioned in my own home. "Yes, partner," I answer. "We're a gay couple." "Oh," he says, trying to process this and maintain his composure." The writer assumes that because the pest control guy doesn't immediately…

I think it's you who's assuming too much. I don't see why you think the author assumes the pest control guy is "disturbed by the open admission of sexuality." What the author says is that the pest control guy was "trying to process this and maintain his composure," which could easily describe the process you describe in your last paragraph.

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#159

Post by theorique »

cgh wrote: post #150
theorique wrote: post #98

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Partner is annoying in a romantic context. It's ambiguous forces a person to ask (internally if nothing else "business or romantic?") Boyfriend or girlfriend work just fine. Husband or wife if you're that serious.

So a woman in her 50s is supposed to refer to her equally old significant other as her "boyfriend"? Seems odd to me. "Partner" seems more dignified and has a connotation of "in it for life".

I prefer it. YMMV.

She could also use "lover", and creep out the young people who don't want to think about older people as sexual beings...

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#160

Post by jspthrowaway2 »

baak wrote: post #127
jspthrowaway2 wrote: post #124

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you enjoy lying about anything, that's a serious red flag regarding you as a person.

Poker, anyone?

The OP didn't say lying about his hand, he said lying about who he is, which is what I'm responding to.
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