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Never Lie About Who You Really Are

blogs.hbr.org

61–70 of 227 posts

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#61
post #31
post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's common, but daft. It makes every relationship sound like a firm of solicitors. I don't see what's wrong with wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend.

I was in a relationship with my partner for 11 years before we got married. "Girlfriend" doesn't really do it justice.

Interesting. Many places, being together that long is known as a common-law marriage.

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And beyond. Hope this hotlinked image URL will work: http://oi49.tinypic.com/2pyaow8.jpg

I consider myself decently smart, but I can't figure out the axes on that chart.

It's a 3D chart serialized on to 2D. Look at one of the corners, then go to the opposite one. Repeat twice more. The fact that this approach is basically fundamentally geometrically unsound doesn't help the chart's coherence. (Unless they really are claiming that these three things are in fact dependent on each other in exactly the way the 2 dimensionalization of the chart implies, which I doubt.)

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#63
post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't mean to be presumptuous, but are you straight? Not feeling compelled to tell people about your sexuality is a luxury afforded to people who fit into the norm. It's what LGBT activists would call "privilege", and it's something that we as straight/white/male/other dominant group need to be aware of if we don't wish to alienate minority groups.

[deleted]

Maybe, but the point is that he shouldn't. And besides, that's harder than it sounds. Like he said, even small talk about kids or whatever can lead to it.

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#64

I hope I'm not insensitive, but if I'm having a bad day and my cab driver (or just about any total stranger) asks "how is your day" I am not compelled to tell him about the intricacies of being me. It's not about fighting for "the truth", it's simply practical. This is generally how to behave for all matters of sex, politics, religion, and anything else personal. Small talk is small talk.

I don't mean to be presumptuous, but are you straight? Not feeling compelled to tell people about your sexuality is a luxury afforded to people who fit into the norm. It's what LGBT activists would call "privilege", and it's something that we as straight/white/male/other dominant group need to be aware of if we don't wish to alienate minority groups.

Why would my "sexuality" be a topic for anyone other than those close to me? If my wife and I like to dress up as robotic ninjas in order to get satisfaction, well then that's between my wife and I despite how "out of mainstream" it is and is no business of anyone else. I tire of the "acceptance" desire of so many people in so many areas of their lives. Tolerance != acceptance, it merely means that someone can tolerate an alternative without resorting to an attempt to suppress it. I don't have to accept the choice of people to paint their cars in zebra stripes, but I don't reach for an orbital sander and remove the paint because I can at least tolerate such a choice.

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#65

I hope I'm not insensitive, but if I'm having a bad day and my cab driver (or just about any total stranger) asks "how is your day" I am not compelled to tell him about the intricacies of being me. It's not about fighting for "the truth", it's simply practical. This is generally how to behave for all matters of sex, politics, religion, and anything else personal. Small talk is small talk.

I don't mean to be presumptuous, but are you straight? Not feeling compelled to tell people about your sexuality is a luxury afforded to people who fit into the norm. It's what LGBT activists would call "privilege", and it's something that we as straight/white/male/other dominant group need to be aware of if we don't wish to alienate minority groups.

Privilege/oppression may be a real thing, but this isn't an example of it. No one expects absolutely literal, radical honesty from a simple inquiry like "how's it going?"

Just because I'm gay doesn't mean that I go around proclaiming the fact to others unless it's relevant to the context of the conversation.

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#66

I hope I'm not insensitive, but if I'm having a bad day and my cab driver (or just about any total stranger) asks "how is your day" I am not compelled to tell him about the intricacies of being me. It's not about fighting for "the truth", it's simply practical. This is generally how to behave for all matters of sex, politics, religion, and anything else personal. Small talk is small talk.

"A cab driver asks if you have kids"

So your answer would be no? Then you'd have to lie each time. Or would your answer be; sorry but i won't answer that question. That would work i guess but it would get tiring as well i'm sure.

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#67

I'm not so sure this advice is generally applicable. At the same time, I understand the author probably doesn't mean for it to be, but maybe that is a problem with the inherent vagueness of language. I don't care to do philosophy of language here. When I behave as I truly am, stuff like this applies: [quote] b) Poor Understanding of Social Situations: Their good verbal skills enable adults with WS to initiate superfi…

I had no idea that was even a thing. I have learnt something new today.

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#68
post #15

In the UK I've run into people who use the term `partner' for whomever they are in a non-married exclusive relationship with, regardless of whether they are gay or straight. I don't know how common that is, or how it got started. I wonder whether it will ever catch on in the US?

It's common, but daft. It makes every relationship sound like a firm of solicitors. I don't see what's wrong with wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend.

"Partner" tends to better describe mature stable adult relationships better than any of the suggestions. Without a huge set of religious conditions, "husband" and "wife" carry no more baggage than "partner" used in a business context.

Others have pointed to the juvenilization potentially implied by "boyfriend" and "girlfriend." Furthermore, "-friend" fails to connote the appropriate level of commitment - even absent the impact of Facebook.

"Partner" cuts through messy reality. Polyamorous relationships. Separated spouses. Concubines (and their male counterparts).

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#69
post #64

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't mean to be presumptuous, but are you straight? Not feeling compelled to tell people about your sexuality is a luxury afforded to people who fit into the norm. It's what LGBT activists would call "privilege", and it's something that we as straight/white/male/other dominant group need to be aware of if we don't wish to alienate minority groups.

Why would my "sexuality" be a topic for anyone other than those close to me? If my wife and I like to dress up as robotic ninjas in order to get satisfaction, well then that's between my wife and I despite how "out of mainstream" it is and is no business of anyone else. I tire of the "acceptance" desire of so many people in so many areas of their lives. Tolerance != acceptance, it merely means that someone can tolera…

If you read the blog post, you would see that it's much harder to avoid than a "robotic ninja fetish". Simple small talk can often lead to it being brought up, and it's counterproductive to the goal of an inclusive society to expect him to lie about it.

Re: Never Lie About Who You Really Are

#70
post #66

I hope I'm not insensitive, but if I'm having a bad day and my cab driver (or just about any total stranger) asks "how is your day" I am not compelled to tell him about the intricacies of being me. It's not about fighting for "the truth", it's simply practical. This is generally how to behave for all matters of sex, politics, religion, and anything else personal. Small talk is small talk.

"A cab driver asks if you have kids" So your answer would be no? Then you'd have to lie each time. Or would your answer be; sorry but i won't answer that question. That would work i guess but it would get tiring as well i'm sure.

Do we need a course in "idle conversation"?
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