Earlier quoted context omitted.
How about just more third-spaces without the classist gatekeeping?
What's classist about having behavioral rules?
What sort of behaviors are you referring to?
I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
111–120 of 728 posts
Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
#112Earlier quoted context omitted.
I loved lodge 49. It inspired me to attend a welcome dinner at my local freemason lodge. Sadly I discovered first hand why membership is declining (this lodge was a magnet for socially inept conspiracy theorists).
Yeah... We can't revive the old lodges. The way forward is to create new ones.
They have some awesome digs though.
Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
#113Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today. You just described a country club, right down to the innate classism and exclusivity rules.
Are male only country clubs legal?
Probably not, but the country clubs where I live all have men's locker rooms that have full bars, poker tables, and lounge areas with big screen tv's.
Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
#114Sometimes I wish we could have "gentlemen's clubs" of the sort that existed in Victorian Britain (not the US strip club version), third-spaces where one could go to read or converse or play cards with other men or even have a meal or a drink. Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today.
That’s what country clubs have mostly been for decades. Makes me want to find the time to take up golf.
I feel like our culture has a strong anti-golf bias. Now that I'm older, any reason to spend a couple hours outside with my friends sounds amazing.
Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
#115Hmm. Not sure if discovery and connection will solve the root cause of the problem that you highlighted. I think it’s more to do with dopamine rush from social media and decreasing ability for people to people IRL connection.
Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
#116Earlier quoted context omitted.
"if you are real, you are likely to be recorded doing something someone somewhere on the largest stage in the world (the public web) that someone will disapprove of" -> is this a concern for many men? It's never crossed my mind or been a problem for anyone I've known. "they never have to break the ice and talk to those around them in the breakroom or geographical space" -> I've always talked to people at work and als…
> is this a concern for many men? It's never crossed my mind or been a problem for anyone I've known. Not for me, I have been to plenty of meetups in my city. If you're not liked or don't get along with the others, the worst that can happen is that you'll be politely ostracized. The paranoia about being publicly "cancelled" seems very overblown.
Well we already have people on this page commenting on the demograpic represented on the submitted web site. Yes, in today's world there are almost always people looking to play "gotcha" and will try to pin you as a racist, misogynist, homophobe, or some other sort of bigot or pariah.
Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
#117Sometimes I wish we could have "gentlemen's clubs" of the sort that existed in Victorian Britain (not the US strip club version), third-spaces where one could go to read or converse or play cards with other men or even have a meal or a drink. Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today.
There's the Mechanics Institute Library in San Francisco. I used to be a member. If you want to see people sitting around in wing-backed chairs, half asleep, that's the place to go. It's quite a good library, too.
You're not supposed to talk in a library, so it's explicitly not a social space.
Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
#118[flagged]
Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
#119Earlier quoted context omitted.
Interesting! All of my best friends came from going through the same experience together. Totally agree on that. But that experience was high school or college. What experience can adult men (25+) go through that is enough to build a lasting friendship? That consistent, shared experience what I'm trying to build. But I can appreciate the feedback that it comes across as "auditioning" as that's not the point. The goal…
Gym, BJJ, pick up soccer, tabletop game clubs, RPG events, book clubs. There’s a billion options out there.
BJJ is really amazing for this. Trust is built into the activity, it draws a wide range of people, and is practiced all over the world at this point. I moved countries, found a BJJ gym, and instantly met some great people to hang out with.
Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic
#120The lack of deep friendships feel like a 3-fold problem. 1. You can't ever be real, if you are real, you are likely to be recorded doing something someone somewhere on the largest stage in the world (the public web) that someone will disapprove of, and someone else will raise their own profile by mining your impiety to prove their own concern and moral superiority. 2. Everyone is so mobile and connected online, they…
> You can't ever be real, if you are real, you are likely to be recorded doing something… I'm real all the time. What am I missing here?
The 800lb elephant in the room about this whole idea - some people have trouble building friendships because they can't stop themselves from bringing up fringe topics with people they just met, and insisting on having conversations about them.