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I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

wave3.social

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Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#21

Post by Plasmoid »

Telemakhos wrote: post #16

Sometimes I wish we could have "gentlemen's clubs" of the sort that existed in Victorian Britain (not the US strip club version), third-spaces where one could go to read or converse or play cards with other men or even have a meal or a drink. Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today.

Those still exist but often have very high membership fees. Thousands per year plus minimum spend amounts

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#22

Post by nswizzle31 »

Telemakhos wrote: post #16

Sometimes I wish we could have "gentlemen's clubs" of the sort that existed in Victorian Britain (not the US strip club version), third-spaces where one could go to read or converse or play cards with other men or even have a meal or a drink. Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today.

That is the exact long-term vision. Isn't that the absolute dream? Have to start a bit decentralized but I would love to eventually get a physical location to have that important third-space.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#24

Post by crtnptofvw »

losteric wrote: post #10
Multicomp wrote: post #2

The lack of deep friendships feel like a 3-fold problem. 1. You can't ever be real, if you are real, you are likely to be recorded doing something someone somewhere on the largest stage in the world (the public web) that someone will disapprove of, and someone else will raise their own profile by mining your impiety to prove their own concern and moral superiority. 2. Everyone is so mobile and connected online, they…

This is incredibly fatalistic. I lived under all of this, plus two immigrant parents with no community / role modeling, isolated in suburbia as a kid with a chronically online 20s. Yeah that nurturing left its mark. Yet I learned to see it, and learn new patterns. In my 30s I have deep friendships. Younger, older, men, women, nb. Most are still shallow, my energy is limited, but even there sometimes we touch into dep…

For me things like “loneliness epidemic” is fatalistic. End is nigh if some specific stat is not maintained. Giant foot will squish us all.

It’s pop-sci, gate-keeping, always be hustling zeitgeist obfuscated by high minded toxic positivity.

Media post says there’s an epidemic. Academics come up with a theory of social science in a world where the Executive branch is blatantly manipulating the market. Fed and Congress manipulate employment options, COL through rates and tax code.

Predictions of 10-12 billion people by 2100 do not line up with real birth trends.

So much of our social truisms are made up cable TV hype that zapped the elders brains into anxious compliance. Narratives propagated in service to a random researchers rent and food money search.

Fatalistic towards a social concept is not the same as “launch the nukes, humans suck.” Non-Christians can not believe without going about shooting Christians. Not accepting someone’s dissertation is the same thing.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#25

Post by throwaway81523 »

Telemakhos wrote: post #16

Sometimes I wish we could have "gentlemen's clubs" of the sort that existed in Victorian Britain (not the US strip club version), third-spaces where one could go to read or converse or play cards with other men or even have a meal or a drink. Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today.

Hacker spaces are sort of like that, it seems to me.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#26

Post by throwanem »

Homepage leaves me asking why this website wasn't a Meetup group for AI-generated stock photos. What's to resonate?

I hate to have to be the one to say it, but speaking from my mid-forties, what you are experiencing is called "entering your 30s." If you try to sell "fix loneliness" to a "not committed yet to growing TF up" market you're cooked.

Ironically, I'm probably pretty close to who you think you want to hear from and speak to. But you can't justify my time and wouldn't hear me in any case. Find something else to sell and someone else to sell to.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#27

Post by Tasboo »

Male loneliness talk aside, why wouldn’t you start a Facebook group to get a gauge for actual interest? I know you mentioned deliberately not using Facebook and Meetup, but spinning up a whole new site just to connect with people seems like a lot of work for something that is largely a solved problem on those platforms. Facebook groups are very popular because so many people are already connected into it. Getting people onto and engaged with your club, regardless of topic, is one of the hardest parts of something like this, not the actual website part. A Facebook group would allow you to get people connected ASAP.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#28

Post by systemswizard »

Telemakhos wrote: post #16

Sometimes I wish we could have "gentlemen's clubs" of the sort that existed in Victorian Britain (not the US strip club version), third-spaces where one could go to read or converse or play cards with other men or even have a meal or a drink. Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today.

These places exist but are usually financially prohibitive for most people, and that’s even if they meet whatever requirements they have to join

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#29

Post by brightball »

Telemakhos wrote: post #16

Sometimes I wish we could have "gentlemen's clubs" of the sort that existed in Victorian Britain (not the US strip club version), third-spaces where one could go to read or converse or play cards with other men or even have a meal or a drink. Having social space that's limited to a set of people one knows, more or less, and that has rules on behavior seems like a civilizing influence that's missing today.

That’s what country clubs have mostly been for decades. Makes me want to find the time to take up golf.

Re: I'm starting a social club to solve the male loneliness epidemic

#30

Post by nswizzle31 »

noddingham wrote: post #14

Honestly I think you might be grappling with getting older and the change that naturally comes with it. >I've let many of my most meaningful friendships fade. At least you acknowledge that part and aren't bitter at your friends that it is somehow their fault. >but it doesn't feel like when I was in college and hung out with a crew of 10+ people on a weekly basis And it won't, ever again. They'll get married, move awa…

You're definitely on to something. Although early 30s doesn't seem so old, the intense nostalgia of college has definitely waned. I would say I'm more grappling with the reality that it really won't ever again feel like that. I know it's true from a time perspective... I'm married and have a full-time job. But I figured I couldn't let the dream die that easily :)

Do you really develop lasting friendships on the course or in rec league sports? I just haven't had that experience and the popularity of those activities is sky rocketing (see: running clubs) while the problem doesn't seem to be getting any better.

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