Ask HN: Former gifted children with hard lives, how did you turn out?

According to https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/998/096/4a3... there's two more stages afterward: wraith at 50 and overgod at 90. I shall expect your commands.

ACE 4, late diagnosed with ADHD at 30 years old (M33).

Had a whole lot of anger about my parents and the world crammed up in me until the diagnosis.

Almost every move until then has been trying to peel back the invisible onion layers of protection I built up as a child and teenager (masking, cynicism, not asking for help or showing emotions).

Being blind to the coping mechanisms which you built up subconsciously but which don't serve you is what annoys me the most about this overall condition.

But it also gives me a sense of agency.

Currently reading "Hope for Cynics: The Surprising Science of Human Goodness", which I highly recommend.

So overall, I'm not satisfied with my career life as I feel many opportunities were taken away from me through no fault of my own.

I'm very satisfied with my personal life as I have of last year found a woman who I have been able to build a wonderful relationship with.

In all of this mess, I am extremely grateful for ADHD meds every day.

Ali-express = cheapest, Amazon faster. They have long strips of LED lights, some one color, some various whites of whatever K you desire. Getting more complex there are several types of addressable chips and controllers to do this. Cheapest is white arrays of the white you like, typically 8 foot strips you attach as needed or buy the accessory attachment strips in 2 foot shippable lengths, in aluminum or plastic to make ceiling/edge/window lights as you wish. Costs range for $10-15 for each 8 foot length (addressable a bit more). Addressables are made on 3-4 different base chip types. youtube has detailed explanations and builds on the various chip families. I find occasional LED sales booths at the Rancho Cucamonga flea markets, and probably at all the larger ones, with full sales/demo setups you can buy then and there or get them online and save a little. Watch power supplies and look for proper UL/approved wall warts - many are fake UL, so check for isolation between +/- and both AC line prongs as the fakes UL often lack isolation and 2 different ones 'can' have full AC on different prongs and a shock hazard might exist -be wary. 12 volts is the common voltage used and if you use USA made wallwarts you can avoid these risks.

ACE score of 4 though I think it should be 5 or higher as I lost both parents, at separate times, before I turned 18. If one parent is a single point...both parents should be scored significantly higher.

IQ in the 140-160 range (depending on the time and test), in gifted/honors/AP programs all throughout school and college.

Youngest child of a large Brady-bunch style family (6+ siblings, all half). I was the golden child, the spoiled one. The one that got their own room when everyone else had to share.

Many of my brothers and sisters had rough teenage years and some of that flowed down to me. I saw fights with brothers/sisters, between each other and my parents. Some getting physically violent.

Around 8-11 years old I was initiated into sexual play with older male, teen family(not my siblings), no adults ever touched me. Being too young to understand that was wrong, I then passed the abuse down to many other family members younger than me. It was never forced, but wrong none the less. The older ones knew better. I should have known better. The younger ones did not know any better. As far as I know they do not struggle with anything related to that now.

Father was mostly working and minimally available until I lost my mother at age 11. He went to a dark place after that and was unable to care for me, so I lived with other family. Some moderate physical abuse happened then but nothing significant.

During this time of minimal supervision I discovered the internet and porn, and became obsessed with it. It quickly devolved into consuming illegal material.

My father eventually recovered and I went back to live with him, but the seed was already planted. I've continued those bad habits throughout the majority of my life. I used to struggle with it, hating myself for it. But have come to terms with it now. It is who I am and it's not going to change.

I lost my father at 15, which was far more devastating to me emotionally than my mother (at least based on my present memory). I had grown very close to him after losing my mother and truly a piece of my heart was ripped out and is still gone to this day 15+ years later. I miss my mother, but that pales in comparison to my yearning for the time I missed out on with my father. I wish every single day of my life that he were still here. I dream about him, I can't listen to the kind of music my parents listen to. I can't go to the type of churches they went to. Any of those things just wreck my ability to cope and maintain composure. I miss him dearly.

After losing him, I lived with some family that took decent care of me after that, no real abuse but also very limited supervision especially of my online activities.

I was essentially kicked out after graduating high school and sent to live alone at the house I grew up in. I was left with a small inheritance which I was given full access to at that time, and it was gone within 2 years. I spent the next 10 years with little to no money though I did have a place to live. It was poorly maintained and became less and less safe, but kept me mostly dry.

I got in trouble during that time for my online activities (possession of CSAM) but managed to avoid prison time. I still struggle with it today but have come to peace with the attractions just being a fact of life. I have not touched any child in any inappropriate manner since I was in my early teens and will not ever again.

I am relatively successful now by most measures. I met a woman, who is now my wife, who drove me to improve myself. We now have two amazing children. Our combined income puts us in the top 5% of the US overall but we still struggle with impulse buying and living within our means. We make plenty of money but it seems we never have any to spare. We have no real assets other than our $1M house that is about 70% financed and some very small (I'm very happy now other than the financial struggles. My wife is amazing, I cherish our kids and they are doing very well. We have strong family ties and see them often. Her parents are involved with the children, as well as some of my siblings play a grandparent role. We mostly beat the tough times and are all doing decent, financially I am doing the best out of everyone.

So like you, I would be viewed as accomplished by many, but still struggle daily. The only thing that I truly live in fear of is that something will take me away from my children and family(death or legal). A car accident. Work accident. Health issue. Some skeleton from my past rising to the surface and causing legal problems. I'm trying my best to ensure that doesn't happen, that my kids don't grow up without a father. But it is a daily fear.