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Losing my son

fortressofdoors.com

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Re: Losing my son

#391

Post by bowsamic »

seoulmetro wrote: post #360
bowsamic wrote: post #216

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree it's totally necessary to do this to live a fulfilling life, however it's unrealistic for most. It usually takes hundreds of hours of psychoanalysis to even come close to "getting over it", or even discovering what "it" is in the first place. Unfortunately most countries healthcare systems and/or peoples' wallets aren't equipped to deal with that.

Yes. Hundreds of hours is nothing in the lifespan of a human adult. Start today.

It's more about the money situation, or the availability of it at all. Most countries in the world do not have treatment for this. The US still has it to some degree but has tried to wipe it out

Re: Losing my son

#393

Post by bowsamic »

wegfawefgawefg wrote: post #247
bowsamic wrote: post #214

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The main doctrine of Buddhism is that eternal bliss is possible, how is that not optimistic? I'm a Jodo Shinshu Pure Land Buddhist and as far as I can tell all Buddhists believe in this, it's the third noble truth after all. To me it seems more optimistic to think that our current life is somehow limited and flawed and that a mind and experience beyond it is possible (Buddhahood) than to think that it's not possible…

Bliss via relinquishing desire and agency is different from optimism.

Thankfully in Buddhism there is neither relinquishing desire nor agency. I think those are misconceptions.

Re: Losing my son

#394

Post by bowsamic »

cristeigabriel wrote: post #248
bowsamic wrote: post #210

Earlier quoted context omitted.

But the son isn't gone from the experience of the father, why should he pretend like he is?

I think you forget the fact that his son has 0 ability for self-preservance. In some cases, we may make things that have no chance to exist on their own, persist, but in this case, what does it serve, but our own selfishness?

I don't believe in selfless acts. All selfless acts are done for selfish reasons.

Re: Losing my son

#395

Post by rcd2 »

My son was born with TEF/EA (TOF/OA in the UK) and needed a 4 hour surgery when he was 2 days old. The days before the surgery and the following month while he was incubated were agonising in ways I can’t even describe.

Even though my story isn’t nowhere near your situation, I can vaguely relate. To the pain you feel, but also to the strength you seem to have found, to look for the positives because, deep down, you know that being positive and embracing the situation is the best you can do for your son.

I’m sending all my love to you, your son and your family.

Re: Losing my son

#397

Post by cristeigabriel »

bowsamic wrote: post #394
cristeigabriel wrote: post #248

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think you forget the fact that his son has 0 ability for self-preservance. In some cases, we may make things that have no chance to exist on their own, persist, but in this case, what does it serve, but our own selfishness?

I don't believe in selfless acts. All selfless acts are done for selfish reasons.

What a bullshit response.

Re: Losing my son

#398

Post by HlessClaudesman »

baconhigh wrote: post #321
HlessClaudesman wrote: post #127

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hey Lars. Thanks for sharing your story, so many of us are in a similar situations but dealing with it in isolation. After more than a decade of being a carer I can offer you the following: Take care of yourself and your partner. Get some outside help if you can so you can take some breaks. Find things that bring you joy, treat yourself. Try and help your daughters process things and come away better people for the e…

I appreciate that your post is thoughtful and has good intentions, but can i suggest not telling people how they can or cannot feel, or what they should or shouldn’t do? (hah. putting myself into this basket for a second and acknowledging this comment) emotions are complex. you can show compassion and empathy without instruction? inshallah

So you are instructing me not to offer instruction?

Re: Losing my son

#399

Post by bowsamic »

cristeigabriel wrote: post #397
bowsamic wrote: post #394

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't believe in selfless acts. All selfless acts are done for selfish reasons.

What a bullshit response.

It's my sincere belief, if you think differently then we can agree to disagree. For myself, I've never done a selfless act. All my so-called selfless compassion has ultimately been selfishly motivated. Therefore I can't judge the father for keeping his son alive.

Re: Losing my son

#400

Post by l8rlump »

larsiusprime wrote: post #48

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

This is timely. We just lost our unborn son unexpectedly. He had been diagnosed with some issues with the heart and other organs. We were gearing up for multiple surgeries, a high-care situation, and him potentially not lasting until teens.

We didn't get to make memories with him, or see who he would grow to become. This is a blessing and a curse. But I believe that you and I will both meet our sons again one day in a place where there is no sickness, sadness, or death.

Romans 8:16-17

[16] The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, [17] and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

Everyone suffers in this life. The choice is whether to suffer with him or without him.

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