241–250 of 434 posts
I am truly sorry for your loss. Pray that you continue to stay strong. I went through the same situation about a decade ago with a close friend of mine and it's truly the hardest of times. > Fortunately, we have been able to qualify for public medical assistance in this regard and it looks like we are going to be financially okay for the time being I know this is off topic but I want to call out how important public…
I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…
I appreciate you finding a way to so eloquently put your thoughts into words. For the longest time, I always felt like a terrible person or somehow socially or emotionally broken for being unable to respond to others grief. It's not that I couldn't imagine it or somewhat feel how they were feeling, but simply the wish that there was sentence or string of words I could put together to make it all okay. I guess anyone…
But for anyone reading this who is adjacent to a close friend or relative or even a stranger that is experience traumatic loss the grieving process is a messy thing. No one experiences it the same way. Second-hand grief is similar.
So rather than "try to fix it" by saying anything, say nothing, and just be present. Just sit. That says more than words. And if you can't be there, notes of "You are on my mind" are good too.
There is no fixing grief, only going through it.
I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…
Thank you. I don't know you, but I love you.
I know the author explicitly stated they weren’t going to share any additional details outside of this piece, but I’m curious as to how their child was injured. Like most parents, I fear for the safety of my child and want to protect them from the world. Hearing about a child injured so severely is terrifying and devastating. I have this irrational belief that if I could somehow understand and categorize all possible…
It was a cardiac arrest during surgery. Likely nothing preventable or predictable. Just tragic
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and I find your judgement on this quite disturbing, even arrogant. there is a reason nearly all religions take a stance against killing, even killing yourself! and for me it starts with: who am I to judge somebody should rather be dead than alive? do you REALLY know?
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The absense of the need for optimism is not the same as optimism.
The main doctrine of Buddhism is that eternal bliss is possible, how is that not optimistic? I'm a Jodo Shinshu Pure Land Buddhist and as far as I can tell all Buddhists believe in this, it's the third noble truth after all. To me it seems more optimistic to think that our current life is somehow limited and flawed and that a mind and experience beyond it is possible (Buddhahood) than to think that it's not possible…
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That somebody is simply gone. It doesn't make sense to view it any other way. It's not a disturbing view. However, as long as the affected person is not capable of suffering anymore it is fully up to the family to decide what they prefer. So either way can be a valid and ethical then. It can be ethical to hang on and it can be ethical to let go. (That being said, If there is chance that the affected person could reco…
But the son isn't gone from the experience of the father, why should he pretend like he is?
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Telling victims of trauma that they are "allowing something external to defeat you daily" comes perilously close to blaming the victim, doesn't it?
But.. what else can you even say? The alternative is remaining in misery for the rest of your life. And internalising your pain into a characteristic of your personality is among the worst ways to process it.
"Letting it go" lands the same as "excise it from your life," which isn't possible. Your body and your mind were shaped by it whether you wanted them to be or not. You have to find a way to integrate it or you'll just keep fighting a losing battle for the rest of your life.
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Much, much easier said than done.
All hard things worth doing are. What's your point? Don't do anything worth doing because it's hard? I have both said and done. It's better for you than integrating the trauma into your personality and by extension your life.
It's highly analogous to a deeply damaging physical wound. It is part of you now, whether you want it to be or not. You can't undo it, and denying the reality of it won't actually help you live a healthy life without it.