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Losing my son

fortressofdoors.com

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Re: Losing my son

#171

Post by pattesseriedude »

taopai wrote: post #138
pattesseriedude wrote: post #32

I’m really feeling sorry for both the author and his family. Can’t imagine what they must be going through. When I was 10 my oldest sibling went through a coma and after coming out of it some time later she did some things that my parents were not happy about. My family was going through some things and me being the youngest was completely neglected. I was shoved in a room and my family being well off all the problem…

I can't give medical advice, so I'll give none. A user recommended the use of psychedelics, I wouldn't. But try investigating recent literature regarding to MDMA and assisted therapy (with a professional) to treat and manage PTSD. If you are able to find a professional who is up to it, it could be something to consider. Is not a magic pill, but it can catalyze great results provided it's deeply integrated in therapy.

Escitalopram Oxalate

This worked for me actually with CBT for some time now as quality of life was certainly better. But it had side effects like feeling emotionally numb and lack of sexual desire. Though I haven’t ever even kissed a girl at 31 I thought that would be relevant in the future for any relationship as I tried dating a bit year ago and I felt emotionally very distant and cold for whatever reason. It’s a common side effect of it I guess from what I hear.

I slowly weaned off of it in 2023 with my therapist suggestion as I was doing okay even without it but I may have to go back to it for some time if things get worse. Not sure I’ll talk to my therapist next month.

MDMA and EMDR have been two therapies for trauma processing. I will keep an eye for it and talk to my therapist to see if he can refer me to a clinic who can help me in a controlled environment. Safety is very important from what I know when you do either.

Thanks for your help.

Re: Losing my son

#172

Post by 4death4 »

I know the author explicitly stated they weren’t going to share any additional details outside of this piece, but I’m curious as to how their child was injured. Like most parents, I fear for the safety of my child and want to protect them from the world. Hearing about a child injured so severely is terrifying and devastating. I have this irrational belief that if I could somehow understand and categorize all possible dangers then I might have a hope of keeping my daughter safe.

Re: Losing my son

#173

Post by phalangion »

4death4 wrote: post #172

I know the author explicitly stated they weren’t going to share any additional details outside of this piece, but I’m curious as to how their child was injured. Like most parents, I fear for the safety of my child and want to protect them from the world. Hearing about a child injured so severely is terrifying and devastating. I have this irrational belief that if I could somehow understand and categorize all possible…

It was a cardiac arrest during surgery. Likely nothing preventable or predictable. Just tragic

Re: Losing my son

#175

Post by indru »

I can relate to this situation. My father contracted COVID in December 2021. He was already suffering from dementia, having lost his ability to relate things and express himself. From what we observed, he was no longer the person we had known for many years. After contracting COVID, he became fully silent and bedridden for six months. His food was administered through pipes, and blood reports were regularly taken to monitor his health. In case of any infection, especially urinary, we had to take him to the hospital. Throughout this period, he was physically present but unresponsive.

I was unsure about what he was feeling—whether he experienced pain or had lost his ability to feel it. My mother was not ready to accept the reality, continuously supporting him during this challenging time. I cannot recollect those days clearly. He passed away six months later, but the thoughts of what he went through continue to trouble all of us. I still feel the pain. Reading this account has made me more thoughtful about his situation during those times.

Re: Losing my son

#176

Post by apwell23 »

totetsu wrote: post #163
HlessClaudesman wrote: post #127

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hey Lars. Thanks for sharing your story, so many of us are in a similar situations but dealing with it in isolation. After more than a decade of being a carer I can offer you the following: Take care of yourself and your partner. Get some outside help if you can so you can take some breaks. Find things that bring you joy, treat yourself. Try and help your daughters process things and come away better people for the e…

> Find some things in your life to be grateful for and dwell on them, it is impossible to feel sorrow and gratitude at the same time. Any advice on how to do this one. Recently I have been Noticing how no matter how many Good things I do in a year once they’re over they don’t really bring positive feelings the same way that the bad things pop up and make them selves dwelled upon.

There is really no tricks to do this, anyone who says otherwise is lying. We are not designed to "feel happy" we are designed to reproduce successfully . Don't strive to be happy all the time.

I am sure even dalai lama has a nagging inner voice thats harshing his buzz all the time. All the stuff these folks preach is just entertainment.

Inner voice has been conditioned by evolution, food, famine, floods, climate, culture , your body, your parents and host of other fears and hopes. You cannot simply trick that voice into thinking happy thoughts.

Re: Losing my son

#177

Post by ljf »

mise_en_place wrote: post #56
larsiusprime wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People are downvoting you, but yes, his situation is worse than death in a sense. In some ways it's a comfort to still have what's left of him with me, in other ways it's worse. I definitely have a DNR in place for myself. I have complicated feelings about... well, everything, which I did my best to exorcise in this piece I posted a few days ago: https://www.fortressofdoors.com/four-magic-words/

Thank you for sharing. I've found it helps to talk about these things. When my own mother died, I didn't immediately feel sad. It was a range of emotions; I was really surprised at how much I laughed. Not that I found it funny, but something within me just seemed to break.

My father died just before Christmas - and it was similar, my wife thought I was coping a little too well. That said all I needed was for all the planned 'xmas' things to be completed and I was able to give myself the time I needed to cry and make peace with the situation. I still go for a walk most mornings and cry when I am totally by myself - not that I am ashamed of crying, but just that it feels more freeing and more open when I am standing alone on a beach.

Re: Losing my son

#178

Post by swader999 »

larsiusprime wrote: post #48

I have to say I'm really humbled to suddenly see this on the front page. Today was a particularly hard day; I won't go into details but taking care of a permanently disabled invalid involves a lot of ups and downs and some fairly messy manual labor to keep them comfortable and in good shape. I love you all. Hug your kids if you have em. EDIT: The above blog post here was one of three things I wrote in the immediate a…

Lars from what I've read you seem like a very strong and capable person. A lot of success, great relationships and a beautiful family. When you get to this point in life there frankly isn't much left to learn or to grow. You are the kind of soul destined to go even further. It's a brutal harsh beautiful reality. It will test and grow your faith to heights and depths that will astound. You have and will continue through this with whatever it takes. I lost my 15 year old daughter a year and a half ago. It's not the same as your circumstance but I'm sure you'll be ok. PM me if you want to talk.

Re: Losing my son

#179

Post by KeithBrink »

exit wrote: post #114

[flagged]

The author's other writings on the four magic words helped me understand his point of view at visceral level. He is not clinging to preserving his son, he believes that his son's life is sacred, even in its diminished state.

Re: Losing my son

#180

Post by stef25 »

seoulmetro wrote: post #59

[flagged]

> The best thing to do with trauma as a kid is to let it go.

Makes it sound like you have a choice. If you could let go it wouldn't be trauma ?

A psych I saw told me to "just stop thinking about it" when I told her about my problems. Bitch I'm here for sole reason that I can't stop thinking about it.

"Just do x" is non advice.

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